How much do you really care about her opinions? It may seem a strange question, but one thing I always taught my kids, was that you don't have to feel hurt every time someone says something nasty about you or anything/anyone you love or do. It's hard enough to cope with criticism by people who know what they are talking about, let alone care about all the things the rest of the world thinks. Let her come and watch him in field and hunt class, how driven and motivated he is, how well he works. Don't bother yourself with an email, you will never be able to explain how much it hurts you, and the question is, will she care. She must have seen that you didn't like it. Leave it at that.

 

Love the pictures and you have every right to feel hurt. People that just aren't that into dogs often think they're stupid and can't understand the attachments that owners have to their dogs. You're right, not many people would tell a parent that their child is stupid.

Since your family will probably be seeing the dogs many times in the future maybe you should take any occasions that come up in the future to educate your family about the dogs and how they differ . . . food motivated vs. prey drive etc.

I probably wouldn't do the email but if it happens again I'd just say something simple like, I really love Bernie and it makes me feel bad to hear you say that.

They sound like great dogs and they're giving you much happiness and that's what's important.

 

I have no idea what to say to help except, please please be careful about sending emails. Remember the person reading it gets to interpret how they feel the context of the email was written. You could say something in the nicest possible way and they can read it in the worst possible way.

We are actually having that issue right now in my family...When I read the email, I see nothing wrong with the wording; when the intended recipient reads it she see a snotty email....it's crazy!

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Non dog people just dont get it and some dog people feel they are just a dog...<shakeshead>

 

Thanks, that's a really good point. I think if they say something again (which I know they will) I'll just say I don't appreciate them saying that about my dog.

 

I guess I should just shrug it off. Especially since she doesn't understand anything about dogs. I'll just use that as more motivation in training Bernie. I know she wouldn't be interested in seeing his field training. That right there should probably be enough for me to not care what she says about him. Not worth the wasted energy!

 

Yep. Shrug it off. She's a jerk and an insensitive and clueless one. Maybe she thought she was being funny, maybe she was being a true jerk, maybe she was trying to hard to impress her boyfriend.

Let it go. The puppies didn't hear what she said, so their feeling are hurt.

 

I think your sister found a way to push your buttons, so she did. It's not really the dog she was addressing, as much as finding a way to tease you because you care so much about your furry children. Best response is no response. When some people know they can upset you with teasing, they'll do it continuously. Better just let the dogs mature in their own ways and ignore the ignorant comments. Defending them will just show your sister that she managed to get to you - so she wins.

I may be off base, because my older sister was a bully. Every time I got used to one tactic and no longer responded, she would try something new, and often worse. Eventually I stopped most interactions with her, and no longer had to deal with the bullying.

 

I actually have the opposite relationship with my siblings. There's 4 of us and we're all really close or were until recently. The sister who was being so rude is actually a social worker - go figure. So she's usually more sensitive to things like that and understand a person's feelings. But I think you might be right with her knowing it would upset me. I think maybe she's mad that I'm so happy with my dogs and my boyfriend? I was kind of surprised though because at this family gathering she was introducing her new boyfriend to the family. I thought she'd have been a little nicer in front of him. I guess things have changed from when we were younger.

 

Very nice pictures<:

Don't pay them any attention. Sisters can be obnoxious, as can relatives, as can parents. When push comes to shove, they will be there to support you and be your back when you need them.

Speaking as somebody who has 3 sisters - only one of whom is a complete angel. The other two.... bleh. And my oldest sister who got me into dog training is probably the one who drives me the most nuts with some of the stuff she says about my dogs. Same thing with her husband. In fact, some time I need to take a picture of one of the caricature family portraits he did of the family back during the Sammy and Danny days. >.< Bob was the one who physically carried Sammy to the car and held him in the car all the way to the vet and cried over him with my sister. And when Danny died and even now he still remembers Danny as the most gentle, sweet, perfect, and kind dog he ever met. Regardless of how he drew him during life.

 

Well it's evident that the stupid one was not the one with fur. I agree with others that say she sounds like someone looking to push your buttons or just a dolt. Tuning her out is the best idea IMO....she doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing you upset and you don't need to suffer the stress of dealing with her. People like that are saying more about themselves than any topic they are addressing.

 

This is a difficult situation, sometimes it's easier said than done to simply not respond. However, I do agree that it's the best response and they probably won't understand your email anyway. Could your sister be jealous of you? And like others have said, push your buttons for the fact that she's envious and likes to get under your skin when she can? It's very unfortunate, because no matter how much you tell yourself you don't care, when it's family, you want them to understand your feelings and where you're coming from. But if someone is this negative and unwilling to listen and learn about something that's important to you, then it's their loss. And you should deal with them as little as possible so you don't have to deal with unneccessary negativity. It's also unfortunate because I'm sure you wouldn't treat something that's important to her with such a careless and negative attitude. You'll be the happy one. It's very unfortunate, but you're the one winning in this situation. You seem very happy and that's what counts Your pictures are adorable!

 

I think the consensus is to keep it to myself. Everyone's advice has been so great, thank you . I can't imagine why she'd be jealous of me - a crazy dog lady. I'm a senior in college and basically decided to have furry children - tie myself down with responsibility (which is my way of having fun ). She's 28 and free. OH another thing thats strange. She always takes pictures with Oliver and is somewhat obsessed with him - sending pictures to her friends of him and posting them on facebook. Maybe she just has it out for Bernie? The poor thing. Its no fair playing favorites. How could you not love this face?

ETA: Like you all said before thank goodness they don't know what she's saying! Now if they did...that'd be a different story. Mama bear would come out

 

I think Ginny is right about why your sister said it, and your sister obviously knows nothing about dogs. Mostly, though I came to the thread to say that I've met Bernie twice and he's not dumb at all. Quite the contrary, really. He's a bright, sweet dog. I understand how somebody who doesn't know dogs might equate food motivation with intelligence, but anybody who's trained a few dogs knows that the two have no relationship to each other.

 

Thanks Brian that means a lot!

 

I love your pictures! Such a cute little family

I just wanted to say I kind of know how you feel. I have spent so much time researching goldens and training my dog Ben. I feel like he is the smartest dog ever and has come so far. He gets really excited when he greets people though and he doesn't jump(anymore ) but because of this one thing everyone thinks my dog is crazy and "needs some training". We're in a a pre novice training class so I feel like he's moving right along. But no one sees that side of him. Most of my friends/family are not dog people so they seem to think only calm and lazy dogs are good dogs.
Like I said its frustrating because I have put a lot of time and energy into him and I love him so much!

I would just make a comment like you and others have said next time someone says something. Some people think they're "just dogs" so they'll never understand.


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Its nice to have people out there who understand! I feel like its almost insulting to me as well. I work so hard with my boys, devote so much time, give up a lot for them. And then she just craps all over it making me feel like a failure. And I mean...he's 10 months old COME ON NOW. he's a baby... 75 pounds but a baby all the same! But I'll share my successes and the joy these puppies bring me with those who care. And I'll see her at the next family gathering. People don't understand how hard we work with our dogs. But I know our dogs sure do appreciate it. My family is the same way with the whole a couch potato dog is a good dog. I actually wish I could transfer some of Bernie's drive to Oliver! HA. My family probably would think I'm crazy.

 

People always used to say things like that about my Steve as well. It really made me mad! I started smiling and laughing, and saying things like "oh my goodness thats so funny- he thinks the same thing about you!", or one time "yeah, well, he's also colourblind - but he still wouldn't be caught dead in that sweater!". Dish it back out to them. Suddenly it's a little less fun to take stabs at you (because that's what this is). If you say it with a smoke and a laugh, people feel the 'sting' but can't actually get angry about it.


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But I also want to tell you to give her a piece of your mind! Haha I just have been on the same side as you with my siblings and it's constant and there's only so much you can take. But it's best to be the bigger person. I'd just maybe say something so she knows you notice her favoritism towards Oliver and her comments and how that makes you feel. You don't have to feed into it, but you don't have to put up with it either! But just know you're an amazing fur mama and we all relate to how you're feeling! And of course Bernie is not stupid! All dogs are different, just like people


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And I know how you feel about people not realizing how much work you put in. Sometimes people comment on how well Chase listens but a lot of people think its just because he's a golden retriever, not because we've put so much time into training him! These people have obviously never been around a baby land shark So I'd definitely be offended if I were you as well! You give up a lot for him and your sister should understand that, even I'd she wouldn't do it


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Yep, ..don't waist your time with it. Your family is beautiful your fur babies are gorgeous and no Golden is stupid!

 

I love it!!! You had the quick point :wavey:

 

What cute pictures, what a cute little family you have
Me too, no human babies, just fur babies <3 xoxo

Families can be a piece of work.
Lucky for me, Boomer was always accepted as a family member, and my mother used to call him "my other grandchild". They were used to his laid back obedience and not used to Gladys' energy ... my mother called her "that assinine puppy" :-(

I agree to skip the email, they probably won't get it, but I don't think you have to ignore it. If it were me, next time she did it, I would say something ... we worked on this in college psychology class and when I worked in the mental hospital (Seriously!) ... LOL.

"When you do xyz, I feel abc, please don't do that anymore" or something along those lines. I think it works better if you tell the person in private, then there's no potential for her to get defensive and cause a scene. If she doesn't listen or keeps doing it, you know she's being a jerk or pathological or something.

Do you think the family party environment is stressful to Bernie? Or does he looks like he enjoys it? I don't love family affairs or huge parties myself so ... just wondering. Maybe he'd rather stay home and watch Animal Planet ... but if he likes it more power to him!

See you

 

Thanks I'm a little bit proud if you couldn't tell. I feel like Bernie is very similar to Gladys - at least drive wise! And look at how brilliant Gladys is! With time and hard work I know we can get Bernie there. Especially since he has Gladys as a role model . I think I'm actually going to use exactly what you said and just say "When you insult Bernie's intelligence it hurts my feelings, please keep those thoughts to yourself." As for Bernie, he loves family gatherings. (Idk how he'd feel if he knew what they were saying about him!) He loves children - and well anything that moves really. But he does also enjoy basking in the sun by our feet, which is what he did most of the bbq - what a good boy! I think this is mostly going to be an issue I have to deal with. I might just stick to family gatherings on my boyfriend's side of the family. They love our boys and can't get enough of them - even his 90 year old Grandmas!

 

Your boys are gorgeous as well as all of you! You are great person and I want to tell you something:
I think that your problem is being too emotional which I like. I mean I like people with so deep emotions and devotions to the others, in this case your Golden boys. You know that we all have families but because we are of the same family doesn't mean that we are the same with them. So be proud that you have emotions but take care , protect yourself and don't suffer because someone from your family is not on the same human or emotional level (or what ever) as you are. We are all unique and that's grate! You have everything in your own wonderful family, so...let them think what ever they want. If I were you I would stop going on this gathering if they don't respect my family members. Why should I go? Continue to RESPECT them, but firs of all respect YOURSELF! So no bad words, nothing just let them understand who you are and why they have to think silently in their heads and not to hurt your emotions and the persons that you love! That is the respect! Teach them to respect if they are incapable of it, just avoid them...with respect.
Love & Light

 

The really nice thing is that you have this forum to vent on. People here really understand your indignation and annoyance. So enjoy it and move on.

If you need to fuss about someone dissing your dogs, this is where you should go to complain. It's safe, it's free and it's golden friendly.

 

I seem to be in the minority on GRF these days! Argh. :uhoh:

I pretty much always come down on the side of speaking my mind--not angrily or aggressively, but assertively. (I spent too many years keeping my mouth shut growing up.) The next time the comment gets made, something like "Ya know, if you're trying to bug me, you're succeeding. He's a great dog--he's just going through his teenage phase." After saying that I'd ignore it going forward. The comments upset you enough to question the quality of the relationship with your sister. She should be told that you're upset about it and then the ball is in her court to repair the offense. If she doesn't, then it's on her head. I also think the email is a bad idea. This should be a calm matter of fact conversation face to face.

Sorry you're going through this. I've had a few disagreements with my sis about things that matter a lot to me--including dogs--so I know what it feels like.

 

Your dogs are beautiful, my Tucker was a little more work but he is almost 1 and getting better and he is not dumb at all. I also have two boston terriers and I have had people tell me how ugly they are. I get pretty mad because they don't know them and how smart they are and we think they are adorable. I would never tell someone that their dog is ugly I think its rude, but I blow it off, all that matters is that we love them and we know they are awesome.

 

I just have to say thank goodness I have all of you!! I'm off to hunting class with the pups in a few minutes - I should video how great Bernie is and post it on facebook so everyone can see how SMART Bernie is!

 

Yes, you should. FB would be the perfect place to do doggy brags and the comments and feedback you get (hopefully from knowledgeable dog people) may get sis to rethink her comments.

 

Yes! She can friend me and post pictures of Bernie and I can comment on how smart he is. LOL!

 

Surround yourself with enough people who see the qualities of your dog, then it is not going to matter what your sisters or anyone else say.

The biggest thing is you don't have to prove anything to your family.

 

I'd be offended and I can relate to you. Bear is 15 months old and ultra friendly (we have jumping issues) and is not food motivated when other people or dogs are around. My sister in law and her family come over and walk into our house without knocking and they are REALLY loud, and bear gets over excited, as a young goldens tend to do when a whole bunch of loud people suddenly appear in the house. Then they criticise his behaviour and over excitement, saying I should train him blah blah blah. All I do is train him, and I think he is the most fantastic loving little guy. But I still hold my tongue, it's easier than having a fight in the family, so think it through. By the way, these people had 2 dogs and gave them away because it didn't suit their lifestyle. That says it all to me. Also, remember that you're the lucky one to have these gorgeous boys who love you unconditionally, and they're the ones who know your heart. She doesn't have that. Think that makes you the winner. Take care.


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