Sounds like you’re just not ready yet. I totally get it, it took me forever to finally be ready after I lost my Dakota.We lost our 10 year old Golden in May. I've been researching breeders for at least 2 month now. For the past month I have exchanged messages with a breeder about 4 hours away. She has probably sent me a total of at least 50 pics and video's of her litter along with tons of information. I have been looking at one male in particular. Within the past week she has placed 2 males and the only remaining available pup in the litter is the male I have been looking at.
Of course it's only human nature to wonder "why didn't anyone else pick him?"
I must say that my initial excitement took a little bit of a hit when I read over his PAT scores that shows he needs a "high energy" home. The breeder feels like he was just excited the day of the testing. I have invested so much time into this pup and breeder but for some reason I still can't just say YES! The answer I cant figure out is WHY? He is certainly cute enough. The price is fair. His sire/dam have full OFA and genetic clearances. I love the breeder.
From what I understand there is someone else interested in him if I pass. I told the breeder I would let her know today. At least it's good to know that he is going to a home, either with me or someone else. I think some of my delimna is this. I like this pup, im just not 100% sure he's THE ONE. I couldn't tell you why because I just don't know. I have not seen him in person, only pics and videos. I've been looking for a sign to tell me but I haven't got it yet. The other part of my dilemma is that I really like this breeder and don't want to disappoint her. I don't want her to feel like she has invested all this time with me and then I end up not buying her pup. Being that we have messaged every day for the past month, we have got to know each other beyond our common interest in Goldens. I feel like we've become friends.
I had a heart to heart with my partner today about it. He's usually the one that is ready to pull the trigger on everything and im the one that is "the voice of reason" and has to list the pro's and con's Well, he surprised me by saying he wasn't sure if he was ready for a new pup since it's only been four months since loosing our boy. Maybe thats should be the sign I have been looking for? I know that if I really wanted to move forward with getting the pup, he would be ok with that but now that I know he might not be ready, I need to respect his feelings.
I keep telling myself, it shouldn't be this difficult to make a decision if it's the right decision and the right pup. Then i look at the pics and video's of the pup and second guess myself. I don't want it to be one of those decisions that you make and wake up the next morning and the first thing on your mind is "what did I do?" I have no doubt if we got him that we would end up falling in love with him and give him a good life. How can you not fall in love with ANY golden?
All that being said, what's the purpose of my post? I don't know I guess just wondering if im just an odd duck or if anyone else has been where I am.