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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We lost our 10 year old Golden in May. I've been researching breeders for at least 2 month now. For the past month I have exchanged messages with a breeder about 4 hours away. She has probably sent me a total of at least 50 pics and video's of her litter along with tons of information. I have been looking at one male in particular. Within the past week she has placed 2 males and the only remaining available pup in the litter is the male I have been looking at.

Of course it's only human nature to wonder "why didn't anyone else pick him?"

I must say that my initial excitement took a little bit of a hit when I read over his PAT scores that shows he needs a "high energy" home. The breeder feels like he was just excited the day of the testing. I have invested so much time into this pup and breeder but for some reason I still can't just say YES! The answer I cant figure out is WHY? He is certainly cute enough. The price is fair. His sire/dam have full OFA and genetic clearances. I love the breeder.

From what I understand there is someone else interested in him if I pass. I told the breeder I would let her know today. At least it's good to know that he is going to a home, either with me or someone else. I think some of my delimna is this. I like this pup, im just not 100% sure he's THE ONE. I couldn't tell you why because I just don't know. I have not seen him in person, only pics and videos. I've been looking for a sign to tell me but I haven't got it yet. The other part of my dilemma is that I really like this breeder and don't want to disappoint her. I don't want her to feel like she has invested all this time with me and then I end up not buying her pup. Being that we have messaged every day for the past month, we have got to know each other beyond our common interest in Goldens. I feel like we've become friends.

I had a heart to heart with my partner today about it. He's usually the one that is ready to pull the trigger on everything and im the one that is "the voice of reason" and has to list the pro's and con's :ROFLMAO: Well, he surprised me by saying he wasn't sure if he was ready for a new pup since it's only been four months since loosing our boy. Maybe thats should be the sign I have been looking for? I know that if I really wanted to move forward with getting the pup, he would be ok with that but now that I know he might not be ready, I need to respect his feelings.

I keep telling myself, it shouldn't be this difficult to make a decision if it's the right decision and the right pup. Then i look at the pics and video's of the pup and second guess myself. I don't want it to be one of those decisions that you make and wake up the next morning and the first thing on your mind is "what did I do?" I have no doubt if we got him that we would end up falling in love with him and give him a good life. How can you not fall in love with ANY golden?

All that being said, what's the purpose of my post? I don't know :ROFLMAO: I guess just wondering if im just an odd duck or if anyone else has been where I am.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Why do you want a puppy?

What are you looking for in a dog?

What do you think is missing with this puppy?

If you decline this puppy, then which direction will you go?
Wow, all good questions!
Why do you want a puppy? I miss my boy and i miss having a companion to love and share life with.

What are you looking for in a dog? A companion to love and share life with.

What do you think is missing with this puppy? I really don't know other than his PAT scores and comments labeled him "needing a high energy home". I wouldn't call us high energy. Not total couch potatoes but definitely NOT high energy. Breeder thinks he was just excited the day of the test. Also seeing my partners lack of enthusiasm when I showed him pics. He was like "oh, he's cute". He wasn't like "OMG..... we have to have him!".

If you decline this puppy, then which direction will you go? I will continue my search for the right pup.
 

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What do you think is missing with this puppy? I really don't know other than his PAT scores and comments labeled him "needing a high energy home". I wouldn't call us high energy. Not total couch potatoes but definitely NOT high energy. Breeder thinks he was just excited the day of the test. Also seeing my partners lack of enthusiasm when I showed him pics. He was like "oh, he's cute". He wasn't like "OMG..... we have to have him!".
Was the 10 year old dog your dog - like with your partner or before partner?

Small thing I'll throw out there is it is possible that you are ready for a pup and miss owning a dog - because you were the primary owner of the previous golden. If that is the case, then go based on your own feelings and dig in and get the pup. The pup will be yours primarily, etc. It sounds like your partner is being "pleasantly neutral" either because the pup lacks the look, etc... that he prefers, or he is going along to support you.

It might be time to sit down and have a chat with your partner to get it all out what you are both looking for in a puppy. Let's say you decline this pup and continue searching for a pup, you better have an idea what kind or look of dog your partner wants... because it's a given that you will have the same doubts and worries when the partner is pleasantly neutral each time.
 

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This is what I'm getting from your 1st post. You're not sure about the pup. Your partner is not sure he's ready for a pup. If I we were in that situation, I think we'd tell the breeder we decided to wait because we're just not ready yet. I think maybe you aren't ready just yet either. Ask the breeder about future plans and keep looking as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Was the 10 year old dog your dog - like with your partner or before partner?

Small thing I'll throw out there is it is possible that you are ready for a pup and miss owning a dog - because you were the primary owner of the previous golden. If that is the case, then go based on your own feelings and dig in and get the pup. The pup will be yours primarily, etc. It sounds like your partner is being "pleasantly neutral" either because the pup lacks the look, etc... that he prefers, or he is going along to support you.

It might be time to sit down and have a chat with your partner to get it all out what you are both looking for in a puppy. Let's say you decline this pup and continue searching for a pup, you better have an idea what kind or look of dog your partner wants... because it's a given that you will have the same doubts and worries when the partner is pleasantly neutral each time.
He was definitely our boy together. We've been together 29 years and this was our second "golden boy". We had our first one 13 years. It took well over a year before we could commit to jumping back in an getting our last one. My partner just grieves differently than me and does not put it "out there" like I do. I know he wants another golden, but after our conversation Im just not sure that he's emotionally ready.

After reading over my post and thinking about it, I've decided that I really should probably take my not wanting to disappoint the breeder out of the equation. Im sure that probably just goes along with the territory of being a breeder. Kinda like being a Realtor that drives a couple around every weekend for months looking at houses, only for them to decide they are going to hold off on buying a house for now.
 

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I am surprised breeder hasn't dropped you -
not being able to commit is a huge red flag, and unless this is a breeder who has no following, I can't imagine why she hasn't just told you to wait on next litter!
 

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Listen to what your Self is telling you quite loudly. Our Selves are always right, we just rarely listen. As for disappointing the breeder, why would you worry about someone you hardly know and who will sell the puppy to the next person in line. In my opinion it is your partner whose wishes, during this sad bereavement, you should be taking into consideration.
 

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This is what I'm getting from your 1st post. You're not sure about the pup. Your partner is not sure he's ready for a pup. If I we were in that situation, I think we'd tell the breeder we decided to wait because we're just not ready yet. I think maybe you aren't ready just yet either. Ask the breeder about future plans and keep looking as well.
I have to agree with FurdogDad here. I recall when I lost my first golden, it took me probably no more than 2 weeks to decide that I really needed another. I know that's rather quick, and a tremendous amount of back and forth went on in my head during those two weeks, but nevertheless, I decided I was ready. For some people, it might be two months, two years, two decades -- doesn't matter. But when I decided, I REALLY knew I was ready. I knew I would jump on the opportunity to get a puppy from a reputable breeder from lines that I like, so long as the pedigree was fully clearanced, reasonably accomplished, no red flags, etc. I knew that most breeders were on a 1-2 year wait list, and I had my criteria decided -- I knew roughly what I was willing to settle for and what I wasn't willing to settle for. Thankfully, I was offered a puppy in a short amount of time from the breeder I wanted. The litter happened to be from the sire I wanted, but it wasn't the dam I was originally expecting. Everything checked out fine, and I said yes and I didn't ask any questions. My point being, if you were REALLY ready, you probably wouldn't have thought twice about that puppy.

Don't get me wrong, you should throughly vet each breeder and litter you look at, and I know you have been. But I think there is a point where, for a pet, once you decide that a breeder is good enough to pursue a puppy from, you probably don't need to go too crazy on the details. If I didn't trust the puppies being produced or the advice/recommendations from a particular breeder, I'd just move right along to the next.
 

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Maybe foster a dog or be a volunteer puppy raiser before committing to a dog that would be yours.
Wow, I was just going to post that.
It is hard to replace a beloved dog, the only time we lost 2 dogs in quick succession and were unable to make a decision on a new pup, it was fostering that gave us enough time and distance to be able to make a good decision on a fresh start with a new member of the family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks everyone for all the great advice and feedback. Ive been working on drafting a note to send the breeder letting her know she can make him available. I know im probably making the right decision but it feels like somebody just reached in my chest and ripped my heart out. Over this past month of watching his videos and pics, I grew more attached to him than I realized.
 

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I might add my two cents since my husband and I are in THE EXACT SAME PLACE. ( I want to say that all the previous posts have wonderful insights) We are one year since Baileys passing. I am ready hubby is a little apprehensive. Lucky for us we know a wonderful well respected breeder here in Florida. ( our previous breeder in Virginia retired ) We fell in love with “blue collar” and she warned us that she picks show prospects at the 8 week point. She had two “show/ breeder homes “ waiting their first pick and unfortunately for us Blue collar went to one of those homes. My husband said that was our fate for now and he was willing to wait. I wish I would have convinced him to be open to one of the other boys. ( he was ready when he saw blue collar but not as thrilled with the other two ) 🤷🏻‍♀️ I am drawing this out at length to prove my point. When it’s the right time and the right pup for you both-IT WILL HAPPEN. Whether or not the next choice is high energy or couch potato you know you will need to adapt and train in that first 18 + months.
My golden fix for the moment is this forum and every video that pops up. Give yourself a break. You will be parents again because you want it so much
 

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I feel like sometimes when you lose a much loved dog, it's very tempting to rush into getting a puppy to fill that huge void in your life. The risk is that you could feel like you got this wild little creature who in no way fills the void left from a dog who had grown so deeply into your heart over years of being together. I am one who wants a new puppy pretty quickly but my husband feels strongly you should spend time going through the grieving process before you get a new puppy. It is probably wise to wait a little longer than to get a puppy a little too soon, especially with the way your partner feels.
 

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Thanks everyone for all the great advice and feedback. Ive been working on drafting a note to send the breeder letting her know she can make him available. I know im probably making the right decision but it feels like somebody just reached in my chest and ripped my heart out. Over this past month of watching his videos and pics, I grew more attached to him than I realized.
I'm a little late to this.

I lost my eight year old Golden to hemangiosarcoma of the heart last December. It was sudden and there were zero symptoms until the day she passed. She competed at an agility trial 5 days before and ran normally.

I picked up my puppy 4 months after she passed. I started looking at litters in January because it was the right time for me. The right time is different for everyone. I had to drive to the breeder 6 hours away to visit the litter when they were 6 weeks old - I had to see them myself before take home day. The breeder picks the puppy for the owner, but I fell in love in green collar boy and couldn't get him out of my head. I never told the breeder because what you see on one visit doesn't tell you everything about each puppy, plus they're still developing at 6 weeks old, but she just happened to pick him for me.

I made his first vet appointment 2 weeks before he came home and cried when I hung up the phone after I finished making the appointment. It felt weird making plans for a new dog.

I love my puppy. He has everything I hoped to have for my next puppy and I'm excited about our future together. I still miss my last dog. Thinking of her still makes me cry sometimes.
 

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FWIW, your post would be a huge red flag to me. Even the title of 'Why can't I pull the trigger?' speaks to an issue.

To me, it sounds like you are simply not ready, and while you might be able to commit to the care and love this puppy deserves, you also might not be. There might well be something behind the usual feelings of nervousness/excitement for the upcoming changes and you should pay attention to those feelings.

Let the pup go into a home without doubts and wait until the timing & puppy feel right to you.

Let the breeder know the timing is simply not right and she can place the pup elsewhere. No breeder I know would prefer that you accept a puppy that was not wanted to respectfully telling her the reasons for your current unease -- yes, she did invest a lot of time with you specifically, but her true investment is in her puppies - their health, their happiness and their being placed in the right home. The puppy she brought into this world and raised is not a piece of real estate and likening her to a realtor is not a valid comparison.

"After reading over my post and thinking about it, I've decided that I really should probably take my not wanting to disappoint the breeder out of the equation. Im sure that probably just goes along with the territory of being a breeder. Kinda like being a Realtor that drives a couple around every weekend for months looking at houses, only for them to decide they are going to hold off on buying a house for now. "



A phone call might also be better than an email.
 

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I have to ask this question; it is not meant to be offensive in anyway. But in reading your comments I had the distinct impression that you have a problem with commitment. I only offer it thinking you might have to deal with that, before you will be ready to get a new dog companion. Regardless, good luck.
 

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For me, and perhaps it’s because I’ve lost my brother (when I was 21), my mother (when I was 31), my father (when I was 36), and my sister (5 years ago — all separate losses), I see death as a very real part of life I can do nothing about. As for personal beliefs, I know I will see each one of them again one day. I feel the same way about my pets. So, when Luke (my last Golden) became very ill with cancer and I knew he was going to pass away, I also knew I would want another Golden. If memory serves me correctly, I contacted my breeder initially before he passed away. In that contact, I just said I knew I would be wanting another but it would probably be somewhere down the road. I thought it may be a year or two before I was ready. Luke held my heart.

When Luke was gone, I quickly realized I hated not having a Golden Retriever in the house. I knew I had the love in my heart for another one and I knew Luke would want me to be happy. So, I contacted again — said I was ready — and now I have Logan. I got Logan four months after Luke passed. I would not change a thing and he is a complete joy. I love him just as much as I loved Luke. I couldn’t have chosen better.

As an aside, I had a dream about a week before Luke passed. This is the short version: Luke was running along the top of a waterfall that looked like it poured into the ocean. I called him, he looked back at me steadily, and dove off. He came up with a Goldfish that emanated light, swam to the shore/a grassy area and held it high in the air so happy and proud. I believe Luke was letting me know he was going to be just fine and happy. Maybe that helped me have some peace with moving forward.

Everyone grieves differently. I can only attest to the fact that moving on in life, despite the huge loss, was the 100% right thing for me to do. If you have hesitation, however, perhaps wait. Your puppy deserves all of your love with no regrets.
 

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diane0905...I get it! We have had 5 Golden's and we have 2 now. All of our Golden's have died of some form of cancer. And every time we lost one, it was devastating. And as you say, we still always wanted to have another one, as we missed not having a Golden around for a companion. I have no remaining family alive, nor does my wife.

So, I understand your comments...thanks for sharing!

Good Luck moving forward.
 

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I didn't read all the answers, just your post. I too have a hard time making a finally decision so I know what you are going through. Here's my thoughts. Do you really want another dog? Is there a longing for one inside of you? If yes then I say go for it. Heres my long probably too much information journey. We had a beautiful Golden while our kids were young. Old age and cancer took her at almost 13. She was the best dog ever and we had lots of memories with her. I couldn't get another dog until 4 years after. I told myself I didn't want a big dog in the house so I got a Beagle. About 2 years with her I started longing for a Golden again. We have a Golden Rescue group here and I put my interest in for a puppy. You have to get chosen by the foster and I was overlooked for a couple of litters. One day I did get the call and was chosen for a female puppy. We did get her and she has been a great puppy. My heart was happy again. Well last Nov. my Beagle passed away with from a brain tumor at age 9. My family was sad as was my current Golden. Again I just couldn't get another dog. This past Feb. I told myself I would get a kitten for my Golden. We got a beautiful orange kitten and they got along great but it wasn't another dog and I found myself longing for another Golden. Yes I am crazy. I contacted the Rescue again and expressed interested in several dogs and didn't get chosen because I have my 2 year old grandson in the home and they felt some dogs wouldn't do well with a young child. My husband said if we get another dog I want to name him Jack. Well one day there was a little puppy named Jack and I expressed interest. Well we did end up getting him. He is 3 months old and fits in very nicely with our family. Yes he's a lot of work. The foster said he was high energy, but I have found him not be. Maybe it's because we go on many walks, play in the yard and he can easily burn off any energy he has. So long story short. Go with your gutt. I say go get him. I'm so happy I did. I never thought I would have 3 pets but here we are and managing just fine.
 
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