Golden Retriever Dog Forums banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
3 goldens
Joined
·
11,810 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Where to Live After Retirement:



You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.



You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. ( ed note: if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.



You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.



You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountainbike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"



AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

ps THE ONE ABOUT THE CARS DRIVEN BY HEADLESS PEOPLE---THIS PERSON WHO WROTE THIS MUST HAVE KNOWN MY GRANDMA WHO I DON'T THINK WAS QUITE 5 FEET TALL AND SHE SAT ON A PILLOW AND STILL LOOKED BETWEEN THE TOP OF THE STEERING WHEEL AND THE DASH. YOU WOULD ALMOST SWEAR NO PERSON WAS DRIVING THAT CAR.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,423 Posts
These were funny. Colorado's Granola especially. . .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,347 Posts
I can add:
1.if you live in south you will learn how to cook grits in million variates and its breakfast,launch and dinner
2.If you see a lot of cars parked a front of house-it's not a parking lot,or junk yard,it's a redneck yard.
 

·
Maryland
Joined
·
2,806 Posts
Also if you live in the South and you're getting ready to do something, or go somewhere....you're "fixin' to"

LOL

Hey...I live in Maryland...which isn't the South (except to those North of us) and isn't the North (except to those South of us)...we're the MID ATLANTIC.

Anyway, I digress ..... we can rent movies and buy bait in the same convenience store!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,282 Posts
Living in CA and having gone to college in CO, I can attest these are all true!

P.S. - If you don't know how to eat an artichoke, you pull a leaf off, hold it between your front teeth and pull it, scraping off the fleshy bit. :D Do not feed to people with loose dentures or children missing their front teeth. It's just cruel.
 

·
Maryland
Joined
·
2,806 Posts
P.S. - If you don't know how to eat an artichoke, you pull a leaf off, hold it between your front teeth and pull it, scraping off the fleshy bit.
Make sure you boil them first! hahahaha

Oh...and dipping the fleshy part in mayonnaise before "scraping" is good!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,423 Posts
Artichoke- sprinkle olive oil, lemon, and garlic inside the leaves before steaming. Beware table thieves who will steal the heart once you do all the work of eating through the leaves!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,649 Posts
Beware table thieves who will steal the heart once you do all the work of eating through the leaves!
That's when you use this one, lol:

3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
 

·
Cedar's Mom
Joined
·
851 Posts
Also if you live in the South and you're getting ready to do something, or go somewhere....you're "fixin' to"
And if you take someone with you, you "carry" them with you. As in: "Hey Mary Sue, can you carry me to the store?"

And - that thing attached to the outside water faucett is a "hose-pipe"
 

·
Where The Bitches Rule
Joined
·
6,429 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,649 Posts

·
Where The Bitches Rule
Joined
·
6,429 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,345 Posts
California's #2...The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

So very true! :yuck:
 

·
Senior Royal Member
Joined
·
5,567 Posts
Y'all is plural. Contraction of 15th century English "Ye all", meaning "Everyone who can hear my voice".


Max
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
359 Posts
Artichoke.......MMMMMMMMMMM Don't forget to try curried mayo. Put the Madras curry into the mayo and mix it up. Let it sit in fridge to meld.....MMMMMM
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,402 Posts
These are great! Especially got a kick out of the New York one having lived/worked there for 12 years!
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top