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when will I know it's time?

8K views 83 replies 28 participants last post by  Denlie 
#1 ·
We found out from an Ultrasound that our almost 10 year old Jaxon has a tumor on his left kidney. The only sign we had was noticing how much more water he was drinking. We took him to a Specialist yesterday and had more blood work and a CAT scan done. She called me to tell me that he was having some internal bleeding so surgery was not an option. She really wanted us to let them put him down while he was under anesthesia. I had minutes to make a decision. He was fine when we dropped him off so we had no idea there was the possibility we would not see him alive again. I made the best decision I could. I told her not to euthanize him. We where not allowed in the building due to Covid so we could not see him or be with him when he passed. I could not live with that. I told her we wanted him to be in our (his) home where he feels safe when transitiones and we can be holding him and loving him when it happened. Today he is eating and drinking and acting like himself. I know there's no hope of him surviving this and every second we have with him now is such a gift. i do not want him in distress or suffering. When he passes, I want him to be at peace. I need to remember him that way. I just don't know when to say it's time. I've always heard they will let you know because they will stop eating and drinking. My gut feeling is that doing it too soon would be better for him than doing it too late but its hard to imagine doing it when he is acting like a healthy dog. Any words of wisdom?
 
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#45 · (Edited)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAXSON! So happy he is doing well and not showing any signs. 🤩🥰😎🙏🥳 You are a wonderful Daddy. The experience we had with Golden number three ( TAG 😇RIP 12-27-09) lived a happy full life until the tumor bled. Months and months beyond what the Vet initially thought. One day he had a seizure from lack of Oxygen to the brain and was very weak after recovering from that brief episode. We did not know his pancreatic tumor was about to rupture. All tests reveled ( ultra-sound ,CT scans etc).That it was remaining rather dormant. Naturally he was rushed to our Vet who is also the areas Emergency Room and a University Intern Hospital. Ultrasound confirmed he was bleeding internally from that tumor. We were with him and had no choice that it was his final day. It can be painful in humans-internal hemorrhaging.( I am and ER nurse) Unknown the pain scale for our fur babies as they are SO STOIC FOR US. Everyday a gift. Read his signs if he may be in pain or not thriving and take it from there. You, Jax and family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
 
#47 ·
I have read that you should look at the gums now to see how they look and then watch them. Here's a little info from a quick Google search
Even at a microscopic level, hemangiosarcoma can spread and progress throughout the body, forming large, blood-filled tumors virtually anywhere. When one of these tumors bursts, it can cause an immediate internal bleeding crisis signified by sudden whitening of the gums, weakness and collapse.
I'm sorry this even has to be a discussion any of us has. Give him a big birthday hug from me.
 
#48 ·
Agreed- I didn't want to get that technical but you are absolutely correct. @cwag. Pale gums is an ominent sign. He would act sick and lethargic. Also add a pulse rate above 100 and slow capillary refill. ( blanche visible skin on ears or gums and the color is slow to refill ) But I do not want you to focus on such details You know your boy . You will know if he is not feeling well, enjoy him for as long as that can be 🙏
 
#56 ·
Jaxon crossed over at 1:15 this morning. He had a good walk yesterday morning and enjoyed his McDonalds Sausage biscuit 🙂. Late yesterday afternoon he didn’t want to get up and he wouldn’t take a treat. I was lucky that I got home from work and managed to get him to follow me to the backyard. We laid in the grass for at least an hour, just talking about old times. His eyes told me that he was ready so I told him we would be ok and he could go to sleep when he was ready. He came inside and settled into his favorite place in the room. I slept on the sofa to be close. His breathing woke me at 12:45am. I woke my partner and we held him and talked to him, reassuring him he would be ok. By 1:15am he took his last breath. I don’t think he was in distress until the very end so I’m hoping we did the right thing by letting him pass on his own. I was holding him tight so I hope that he felt safe. We took him to the vet this afternoon so that he can be cremated and returned to us. It was 65 days ago today that the Specialist wanted to put him down. I’m so glad I said no because we have had 65 wonderful days of good food, long walks, tons of tug of war, etc…. A part of my heart will never be the same. Run free, my sweet boy! I know we will be together again! 💔
People in nature Fawn Grass Big cats Carnivore
 
#57 ·
I'm sorry for your loss 😢 I just read through the thread today from the beginning and was feeling extremely positive that Jaxon was going to be fine and going strong until your post that he has passed... Even so, all the words written in this thread touched my heart and served as a learning process for me. I thank you and Jaxon for sharing this experience and giving me time today to reflect and appreciate the special moments my golden retriever has given me so far.. And most importantly to cherish them... Rest in peace Jaxon....
 
#63 ·
Thank you, I needed to hear that. After he passed I naturally cried and felt very sad but I also realized that I have spent these past 65 days loving him, spoiling him but also grieving, waiting for the storm to come and a little fearful of how everything would play out in the end. I’m so thankful we were here to help him transition. I have no doubt he felt safe in my arms. It’s just going to take time to heal. He definitely took a piece of our heart with him, but we know they always do 💔
 
#71 ·
I was thinking of you and Jaxon just a few days ago. And then- your post. I was was so apprehensive to read. What you described was the most loving graceful passing. Jaxson was so lucky to have you as his parents. He had a life WELL LIVED. You let Jaxon tell you and gave him his final permission. You listened to your heart and love for him and you "knew". The pain and void they leave behind is crushing. Wishing you lots of care and peace during this difficult time.
 
#72 ·
Thank you so much for those words. I hope he knew we did all we could to help him. Today was the first time in over 10 years I left for work without saying “have a good day boy. I love you”. Dreading going home since he will not be there to greet me with a shoe, a toy, etc. All those “first” are especially hard. His leash and harness hang by the door and now his collar & tags hang there with them. I thought maybe I should put all his things away but for now I can’t. Emotionally too raw.
 
#78 · (Edited)
Right now I feel such a range of emotions...... sad, angry, confused, guilty, etc... We lost our sweet Jaxon May 12. Instead of going with my gut feeling and burying him in the backyard, we opted to have him cremated. We are in our 60's now and not sure we could dig a 4 ft. deep hole thru all the rock we have here. In hind site I could have hired someone to do it for us.

When we dropped off Jaxon on May 12 at our Vets office, they said the cremation company would pick him up that day. They asked if we wanted his ashes back and we said yes and paid the charge for getting the ashes returned. We were told 5-10 days. Tomorrow will be 21 days. We made 2-3 calls over the past 3 weeks and got the "should be any day now" from the office. I just went by the Vets office in person to find out why we still had not been notified that he was ready for us to pick up. The tech made a call to the cremation company. She said that he was actually out on the delivery truck and would be delivered to the office sometime today. Maybe Im wrong but I think they got confused, cremated my boy and disposed of his ashes. My guess is that they are going to find some ashes to throw in a box and drop off at the Vets office.. I don't think I can ever feel like I have Jaxon back home with us. Theres no way I will ever know for sure. The thought of his ashes just being thrown in a dumpster kills me.
 
#81 ·
Right now I feel such a range of emotions...... sad, angry, confused, guilty, etc... We lost our sweet Jaxon May 12. Instead of going with my gut feeling and burying him in the backyard, we opted to have him cremated. We are in our 60's now and not sure we could dig a 4 ft. deep hole thru all the rock we have here. In hind site I could have hired someone to do it for us.

When we dropped off Jaxon on May 12 at our Vets office, they said the cremation company would pick him up that day. They asked if we wanted his ashes back and we said yes and paid the charge for getting the ashes returned. We were told 5-10 days. Tomorrow will be 21 days. We made 2-3 calls over the past 3 weeks and got the "should be any day now" from the office. I just went by the Vets office in person to find out why we still had been notified that he was ready for us to pick up. The tech made a call to the cremation company. She said that he was actually out on the delivery truck and would be delivered to the office sometime today. Maybe Im wrong but I think they got confused, cremated my boy and disposed of his ashes. My guess is that they are going to find some ashes to throw in a box and drop off at the Vets office.. I don't think I can ever feel like I have Jaxon back home with us. Theres no way I will ever know for sure. The thought of his ashes just being thrown in a dumpster kills me. It's bad enough losing him but now this.
I'm so sorry and pretty horrified to hear this.. this just feels to me like another layer of tragedy, pain and suffering for you as you're trying to heal.. 😢 I hope you will get the answers you're looking for and that you will get Jaxon's ashes back 🙏🏽
 
#79 ·
Oh my goodness! This is unacceptable and so tragic! I had a similar situation 20 years ago with our first golden, Carmen.
She had cancer in her snout and lived about 6 months after the diagnosis. When we decided that she had had enough, we needed to let her go and the vet's office "forgot" to have her picked up in a timely manner and they kept her in a freezer for several days. I was so upset and was I was livid! They finally got in contact with the cremation people and got it worked out and within a week we got her ashes. But I do remember the anguish and upset that caused and so I can certainly understand your anger. It is something that will stay with you, but regardless, you did what is right for Jaxon, and he is now running free! I absolutely believe in the rainbow bridge, and know that doggy heaven is where all four of my goldens are running around together. It brings me some peace.

When the day comes that you can talk about him and laugh, you may be able to bring new golden love into your life. We've had to do that so many times in the past 20+ years. It never goes away, but a new love helps. Our Jackson is our current big guy, and I hope we have him for many many years to come. He's not quite 17 months old, and will be a big brother in 2 more weeks when we travel to Wisconsin to pick up our new little puppy. And yes, we know that one day we will need to face the pain of loosing them but they give so much to our lives that it's (almost!) worth the pain.

Best wishes to you!
 
#80 ·
I’m sorry you have lost so many but I know they were all loved so much! That’s obvious. Congratulations on the new family member! ❤ I find myself looking at golden puppies online and researching some breeders. It’s only been 3 weeks so we have to make sure that we are not just trying to get jaxon back by getting a pup.💔
 
#82 ·
I’m so sorry for your loss of Jaxson. It is an incredibly heartbreaking time to endure compounded with the issue regarding his cremation. Let’s hope they did the right thing as your intentions were good. We buried our Babe in her yard thinking that’s where she’d want to be however she is still gone from our lives but never our memories. It hurts tremendously so knowing she is there and we can no longer play with or see her, yet she is there. I question wether it was the right decision at times. Our memories and pictures are much more important and we can take those with us and nobody can take that away, no matter where we may move, or what the future brings. Jaxson will always be with you in spirit and the fond memories you forged together makes us better people.
Rest in peace Jaxson your Dad certainly loves you.
 
#83 ·
I'm so sorry for your loss and for having the added stress and sadness about the cremation.

I realize it is too late for you, but for others in the future: when my last dog died, I was able to get a private cremation. Many pet crematoriums (crematoria?) do indeed cremate several dogs at a time, but I was able to pay for just my dog and get just her ashes. It sounds grizzly, but they actually let you see your dog going in and believe it or not, you have the option of seeing it on the other end (though they warn you what it is going to look like and that it might be difficult, and I opted not to). All that to say, I do know 100% that the ashes in my urn are Tesia's. It's worth googling around. There was only one option at the time here in Toronto, but it was definitely worth the extra cost to me.
 
#84 ·
Just reading through your story and wanted you to know that I’m so sorry for the loss of your boy. We just lost our 10 1/2 year old girl on May 10th to HSA. I know that my Gracie welcomed your Jaxson to the bridge and they are both running free.
 
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