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I have been too busy to update, things got worse and dad ended up being hospitalized for 10 days. Dad is now in a nursing home under hospice care - there is not much else we can do and he is impossible to care for at home. Mom is not dealing with it very well...she was better the first couple of days now I think she feels she has lost control and is very angry. Of course there is no way they can take as good care of dad as she did, but she still expects it and becomes unreasonable about it.

Dad actually seems more content at the nursing home...I am wondering if his combativeness at home was partly fear, fear that something may happen to mom and he was not capable of calling for help...I wish I could talk to him, to know how he is truly feeling but he really is not "there" any longer.

I am struggling...sad, the bad guy with mom and feeling very alone in the world. Really missing Dream who was always my rock through tough times with my parents...she always kept me calm, sane, and able to go on.

For some good news...I was finally able to get Cally our Yellow Lab pup to my regular Vet for a check up and vaccines that were 3 weeks late. Her puppy murmur is gone YAY...she is the picture of health and really the easiest puppy I have ever had, what a joy she is!

Julie
 

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Julie, I'm very sorry to hear how tough things are for you and your mom, yet it is good to know your dad has calmed down. More that likely with him being under Hospice care they have him on medication for his pain and probably a sedative to relax him. Is he able to eat on his own? Can he get out of bed, or is he responsive to your mom?
I hope things get better for you. Hopefully your mom is able to be by his side as much as possible.
Continuing prayers for you all.
 

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I'm sorry to hear about your parents' situation, that must be hard on everyone involved. I have only had a small taste of what it's like to see a parent struggle, but it is difficult indeed. I know you're missing Dream, but hopefully you can lean on your other pups for comfort.
 

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I'm so sorry to hear about everything. I'm sure your dad does feel more secure there knowing they can handle anything that comes up.

I don't want to speak for your mom but after I had my problems, my family kind of wrote me off and THAT made me really mad because no matter how it looked on the outside I WAS STILL THERE on the inside. Maybe you could make your mom feel useful again by asking to have a holiday baking day at her house...make a bunch of cookies. I'm sure the staff @ Dad's place would love them. Or she can help you decorate the tree. Just something to let her know she's still Da Mom!!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks all...actually dad is getting less sedative than he got at home LOL, he is bedridden, and can not feed himself (that is new). There is more care available to him at the nursing home, and hospice is there every day too. He got a shower for the first time in 3 1/2 years on Sunday - they have equipment mom simply did not have at home. She does expect someone to be in his room at all times listening to his every breath...and that will not happen anywhere. Today she is upset because they don't do things exactly the same way she did!

My niece graciously offered to make Thanksgiving dinner for all of us at mom and dads house on Thursday...she is vegetarian though so mom is getting excited about roasting the turkey, doing the stuffing etc. I will make some sides and the pies...

I hope mom can eventually see that dad is better off there...she could not go on caring for him. He requires 24 hour skilled nursing, and it takes 2-3 people just to turn him. Until she comes to terms with it, I will be the evil one...even though it was the hospital that insisted he be placed for at least a while.

Thanks again
 
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Dreammom, things have a way of working out. You are not the evil one. Actually, you are her guardian angel. But, like a lot of folks, she just doesn't realize it.

Give your mom some time to adjust, and realize that just because they don't do things "her way", it doesn't mean it's not right. Yes, she feels out of control. It's been on her shoulders, and now someone has taken her job. Perhaps, some counseling might help her make the transition from loving full-time caregiver to loving, caring wife. As for your dad doing so well, it could be from the lack of tension between the two of them. I'm sure he was afraid of things, as was your mom. Now, he doesn't have to worry. Bet he really enjoyed that shower. ;-)

Even though it will be a different Thanksgiving, I'm sure your mom will have good time, and relax a little.
 
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Sorry that your Mom isnt adjusting to your father being in hospice so well. Hopefully she will start to see he is doing much better than at home and she can finally feel better herself. I am sorry that Dream isnt there to help comfort you, I know that Cally is helping to make you feel alittle better.
 
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These situations are never easy. You have done the right thing by everyone and I am sure when your mothers emotion return to a normal level after the shock wears off and she will be very grateful. Sometimes the guilt of not being able to look after a loved one can be tremendous. I am sure your mother is just feel negative and unsetting feeling towards herself but is misguidedly directing it towards you.

Considering your fathers condition it could have been a really recipe for disaster. Rather than take the easy option and ignore the potential seriousness of the situation you have stood up and done what is necessary, regardless of how difficult it was.

Change often happens, so fast and can be a real shock to older people. It is obvious you have acted out of pure and heart felt love for both your mother and father and that's what is important. I am sure your mother will come to thank you one day.

You should feel proud of how you have handled this situation. I'm sorry Dream isn't there to help you through, though I am sure Cally is more than willing to assist with cuddles!

I am sure life will be on the up for you.
 
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