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Discussion Starter #1
Max and I said our goodbyes last night. We slept in the foyer, my hand on him, his paw on me. I petted him all night thanking him for 12 years and 10 months of pure joy. I told him it was ok to let go. I told him I love him and will always love him. I told him I want him to be happy again. I told him I would never forget him.

We're putting him down in about an hour.

I've never had to deal with this before.

Maxwell is my best friend. He's helped me through depression, heartache loss of a great friendship. He was there when I graduated high school, started college. He listened to my crazy plans for life, was always waiting at the door with a 'present' when I got home, even if I was just across the street. He was there for the lonely nights, the happy family nights. He always knew my news first, whether good or not so good.

I can't believe this is happening. I never thought this day would come.
I know he has lived a fantastic life but part of me can't help but feel that I'm giving up on him. One minute he can't stand up and nearly laying in his own waste and the next minute he's laying down but wagging his tail. Is that a sign or is that me searching for a sign???

I don't want to lose him but I know he's old and suffering. There's no reason to put him through the stress of blood work, more medicine, more vet visits for something that might give him half the quality of life back when he can go now before he gets any worse. Right?

I've been preparing myself for weeks but it feels like it just now jumped on top of me. My stomach is a mess. I'm angry. I feel incredibly guilty. My eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying all night! I'm tired and emotionally exhausted. I need help. How do I cope with losing the one soul that was there for me when it felt like no one else wasn't? How do I cope with killing my best friend??? :confused::confused::confused:
 

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Oh my gosh, I don't know what to say except that releasing him from his earthly sufferings is not the same as killing him. He was all those things to you because he loves you. Now he needs you to be there for this one thing, let him go with love and dignity. Free him of his pain and suffering.

I know your pain is just now becoming real and you will never forget your life together. I'm with you both in spirit and in tears. God's speed Max. And hugs to you both.
 

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In the Moment
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I'm so so sorry. Don't second guess yourself. Your decision is made out of love, and that makes it absolutely right. Remember that they have no foreboding of death. To him it's just one more trip to the vet with those he loves the most. As our vet told us when we were in your shoes, "better a day too early than a moment too late". I've thought on that a ton and believe it to be so very true. Godspeed sweet Max. You will be forever loved. And big hugs to you and your family. Know that we'll be here to help you walk this painful journey of grief.
 

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Love my Golden Boys!!
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My heart goes out to you. I will also be facing this in the next little while.

You are not killing your best friend...you are giving him the greatest gift of all, to be set free of his pain. You have had 12 wonderful years with Max and he sounds like he's had a wonderful life. Tears falling here.

Wishing Max a safe and peaceful journey to Rainbow Bridge.

Hugs to you today!!
 

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Kimberley, Bella's Mum!
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What a beautiful story of love, companionship & now loss. I am so sorry that you are having to experience this~ it's so painful. I'm afraid it's going to hurt of quite some time, having experienced this myself. My hope is that you have a network of support, because this sort of thing can trigger depression. Mild depression is normal after such events, but I hope you reach out to those you can count on, so that you don't slip too far. By your description, you are doing the right thing. You are being brave and selfless. This forum is here for you! You can always PM me if you need to, or want to!
 

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I am so sorry, be kind to yourself today. I know how hard this is to do-it's by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I know how much it hurts, but you are doing what is best for Max. You are setting him free so he does not have to suffer, if only people could be so lucky when the time comes.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today and the days to come.
 

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Maxwell Stuart

Maxwell Stuart

Please come here to the Golden Ret. Bridge Topic for support-we have all been there.

http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/golden-retriever-rainbow-bridge/

Goldens wag their tails even when they are hurting. You are not killing Max, you are setting him free-you will see him at the Rainbow Bridge.
Just hold him and tell him how much you love him at the vets.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you everyone.

I couldn't go to the vet with him. We said our goodbyes last night and spent those hours listening to each other breath. I wanted that to be our last memory not a visit to the vet. I'm in my 20's but today I feel like such a child. My parents are here for me and they went with him. I know they love him as much as I do. He'll still have familiar faces and sounds around as he passes. I just couldn't do it. There's guilt in that too. He was there for me all those years and I'm not there for him in his last moments. Instead, I'm sitting on my bed crying my eyes out and my stomach won't stop turning.

I was planning on having Maxwell cremated if it's not too expensive. Have any of you done this? How does it make you feel?
 

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Please don't feel bad. I wasn't with my beloved horse or our first golden. I doubt I'll be able to hold Penny and feel her life end. Please don't feel guilty. I'm glad your parents are being so supportive and that Max will have those friendly faces with him.
 

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Maxwell Stuart

You are doing just fine. It is fine for your parents who love him to be with him. You were with him last night.
Maxwell will be in pain no longer and he will be romping with all of our pets at the Rainbow Bridge.
Yes,my Hubby and I have lost four dogs and we had them all cremated and have their ashes in our family room-we spend most of our time in there and they are always with us.
 

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Mum to Custard
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Huge Hugs to you. What matters is that Max knows your love is with him wherever he is and whereever he goes, now and forever. Do you know about the Rainbow Bridge?
The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem

It's ok. The grief IS overwhelming. That is normal. And understandable. Just a few weeks ago my golden retriever of 17 years passed. I know. Hugs hugs hugs to you. Keep breathing. remember to drink some water. sleep when you need to sleep. eat little if you can.

Yes, I've had all 5 of my golden retrievers cremated. And it made me feel better when I got the box back. I chose individual cremation and I got a box where I can place a photo of him/her.

You can add Max to the Monday night candle light ceremony: Monday Night Candle Ceremony at Rainbows Bridge

My prayers go to him and to you at this difficult time.
May he be comfortable and running happy at the bridge until such a time as you can be reunited.
Love
Sarah
 

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My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. You and your parents gave Max a wonderful life and a precious gift at the end. Your family made this decision out of love for a wonderful dog. I understand how you feel.
 

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I am so sorry for your pain. You know you did the right thing but it still hurts. My first golden Rusty I was also in my 20s and my mom took him in for me. She didn't want him to see me so upset and I could not help myself. I took his ashes and spread them on the beach he and I use to walk every day. It did make me feel better. Hugs to you and your family in the time ahead. I hope one day your memories of him will help to lessen the pain. Kimberly
 

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Hopefully this will help you through this most difficult time - I know it did me when I went through a decision just like you. ((((HUGS))))

I have this posted on my refrigerator & every time I look at it, I feel a tear - a good tear!​


The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown
 

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MaxwellSmart

Maxwell Smart

Praying you are kind to yourself. It will get better one day at a time!!
 

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Dr. Rainheart
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My thoughts are with you today. It is hard, but the right decision not to let him suffer. Run free at the bridge, Maxwell.
 

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MaxwellSmart

I had to make this very hard choice in May of this year. Even though I know in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do, I still second guess myself. But KNOW that this was the best thing you could do for Max. My heart go out to you. Hugs and remember you will see each other again someday.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I have never shed so many tears. My eyes were nearly swollen shut all day. I looked like I had been punch in both eyes. However, I surprised myself. By the evening I was smiling and laughing and actually having an ok time watching football with the family. I did take a few days off work and stayed in my PJs all day yeserday...didn't brush hair, barely ate anything, looked like a mess but it actually helped. I needed to have a full day of grief. Today I showered, got dressed up a little and did a little retail therapy. Tomorrow, I am planning on spending the day outside with Brutus. We have a play date lined up and the weather is going to be gorgeous. I know Brutus misses him too and I want him to know I care.There are times when I am perfectly fine then all of sudden a memory swiped across my mind and I find myself tearing up. I know this is normal but I don't like the unpredictability of sadness. I'm afraid if I start crying again I won't be able to stop, like yesterday.

Instead of having Max cremated, the vet is casting one of his paw prints along with attaching a lock of his fur. I know when I receive that, it will make it real. Sometimes it feels like he'll be back soon, like he's at the vet and I'll be picking him up later. I catch myself looking for him around the corner of my bedroom where he used to lay at night or I call Brutus, Max and I have to hold back tears.

Brutus is a blessing. We got Brutus exactly 3 years ago on October 17. He is a huge reason Max lived to be 12 years old. Brutus has brought so much laughter and character to the family. And now he's helping with the most difficult loss I've had to go through. Without him I wouldn't be able to get out bed. His morning ritual of wet toys and morning kisses no doubt makes me start everyday with a smile from the loving gaze of an eager to please and selfless Golden.

I think I'm dealing with the loss of Max better than I thought because when vet examined him yesterday before they put him down, they came to the conclusion that he most likely had a stroke and there was nothing anyone could do. Those words confirmed that I made the right decision. And I am certainly glad he didn't suffer too long and he didn't go through the slow process of declining health. It all happened rather quickly (really within a week).

I spent all Sunday night laying with him and said my goodbyes and I will always remember the last look from him, when he sat up in the dark foyer with the faint nightlight casting a glow around him and his soft eyes looking straight into mine. I didn't realize it then but looking back now, he was telling me goodbye too; he knew it was time and he was letting me know everything is going to be ok. He'll be waiting for me.
 
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