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Hi, my name is Gus, and i will tell you a little about Papo, my 10 year old golden whom i lost yesterday to cancer.... along with this post, i have sum questions i hope someone can answer or ease my pain..

i got papo when he was 2 months old, maybe less, out of about 12 puppies, they were all jumping for attention to be grabbed, Papo was not one of them, i choose him because he was the chubbiest one :), maybe thats why he was not jumping... on the ride home, i remember him throwing up over my girlfriend, car sickness, .. as a puppy he was sooooo fun, he was playful, he loved his toys, and slept in my room on top of the air vent. our house at the time had air vents coming from the floor,,jajaja, that was his sleeping spot, he hated the heat..loved the cold. he was so smart. i used to come home from work in my lunch time to feed him, and spend time with him, i loved him, i was exited, i was younger.. as time went by he got into all kinds of troubles, especially when it thunder, oh boy he hated thunder and was horrified. . . we moved to a new house by the time he was around 2.. where he lived there till about 6. i believe those where his happiest years.. he had a huge patio with pool, though i had to push him in at times, he dint like the water..jaja. but i played with him a lot, he loved being outside,,,, he broke a couple windows in rainy stormy days,, even slashed his knee, i day i never forget, maybe cause it cost me 500 at the vet. :/.. we moved again by the time he was 6..this is when it started going down as far as me... i stop playing with him as much as i used to. although the new house had a big patio, he slept in the laundry room which was a bit small..as he came bigger, he would jump the fence and hit the street, wonder around, come back, and often neighbors would bring him, he was so friendly, haha, i remember one time we took him out of a car on the street he was outside, and the car owner said get in, and he just got in...as his thunder phobia got stronger.. so did my temper and manner.. as i .. did not take care of him like i now wish i had.. i took him maybe one shower every three weeks,, and he loved it...he was well fed, he ate everything..even the laundry machine..when it thunder, all he wanted was my comfort, and i dint give it to him..insted, i would push him away from being smelly and for thinking he was a bad boy for destroying things when rainy days of thunders... i now realize that was my fault. all he wanted was my attention.. . we moved again, to a smaller house, still the patio was big enough..by this time, my attention to him got even worst..i hardly payed attention to him, at times i would just feed him, and thats.. my business was failing.. i had a son, a baby.. i believe Papo got jealous. i don't know. . after time he dint even want to be in the patio, he would jump the fence and wonder around, then came back...as if looking for attention, or tired of being alone, and else...even though in this time i dint treat him like he wanted me too, i never stop loving Papo, he was my boy..he was my friend, and he loved me..the few times in this house that i did play with him, oh my god, his face would light up like a firework.i remember telling my girlfriend now wife. why dont i do this more often, .....as her and my parent kept telling me to let him go and be adopted..i always refused, thinking he was too old, he was now 10...

i finally gave in... i decided that he need it a better life that what i had been giving him. as my job was failing at the same time was harder to find the extra cash to get his favorite food..pedigree,with the meat...i found myself feeding him family dollar food at times, house food... so with all the pain in my heart, i gave in and decided to put him for adoption, my wife did everything, ..he was placed on a foster home, the owner, had lost his 14 year old golden retriever just 2 months before.... he fostered papo, a short time later we heard from the adoption place that this wonderfull person whom i dint and could not ever supposed to meet had decided to keep papo..that day we got a picture of him.. and i cried, and cried,, he lookes soooo happy, they told us that his new owner would take him to the beach, and to work, everyday...finally, Papo had the attention he deserved, i was so happy he was doing great.....

yesterday we got a call from the agency, they told us that at the new owners request, he wanted to see if we wanted to see papo again for one last time,,.. he had suddenly came ill yesterday, and took him to the vet and the results was. cancer... the agency declined at first but he insisted, they called, we called him,with tears and crying on both ends..he decided to put him to sleep... we went over to his place, the ride there was painful as old memories came back, feeling guilt...we got there and his new owner greeted us, he seemed so nice and hurt..we started walking to the front door, and i saw Papo lying on the floor, it had been almost 4 months since he was adopted and since i seen him...i dropped to the floor on my knees profoundly craying and holding him, kissing him.. he was so declined..he could not even stand up..i put my face in front of his face , i would tell him i was sorry, and that i loved him, i would ask him, Papo, do u remember me ? is daddy..for a small instance he looked at me, eyes half shot half open, and i saw his tail wiggle, then he put his head down,,after sum minutes after that we was there sobbing and creasing him. he took took his paw away from my hand, and turned his face the other way...

i held him along with his new owner in his last seconds, as they injected his vein...he was gone... the new owner arranged for him to be cremated and for me to keep his ashes with me...

he showed me pictures of Papo in the beach, at the park, and all his new neighbors knew him, my boy was happy again.. the new owner told me the first few days Papo was looking for us, every car he heard he would walk to the door, any noise...but that he had a great almost 4 month old new live....

i wonder if he recognized me ? ... i wish he dint.. i wish his last memory was of his new owner and his new life... and if he did recognized me, i wish it was the good times...........

i have not slept since yesterday, feeling remorse, feeling angry, feeling sad, i think i should have brought him home again and see an alternative.. i don't know. that will always be in my mind.....
 

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Weclome to the forum Gus, I'm sorry you have found us under such sad circumstances.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of Papo.

I lost my Old Gold to cancer, there are many members on the forum who have also. Cancer is pretty common in Goldens unfortunately.

Godpseed Papo
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear Papo. RIP dear boy, and run free at Rainbow Bridge.
 
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Regret is the hardest emotion to live with. I know that Papo remembered you and I am sure it was good times he thought of animals are unlike humans they are very forgiving. All they want is our love and some attention and they are happy. I am sorry for your loss I wish your story hada different outcome but you have to think about how happy he was at the end those 4 month with so much love and good times.
 

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Now Caue's Dad Too!
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Welcome to the forum. Very sorry you had to find us under such sad circumstances. Please make yourself at home here on GRF.
 

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I miss my Buddy
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I am very sorry for the loss of Papo.

Run free sweet Papo, you did your best in this world, have fun at Rainbow Bridge with your new friends.
 

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I am so very sorry for the loss of Papo.
 

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I'm just now reading this and am so sorry for the loss of Pappo. Goldies have huge hearts that are only full of love. They aren't capable of bitterness. I'm sure that he recognized you and was happy to see you.
 

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So sorry for your loss of Papo, you had the strength to let him go to a new home when you couldn't give him what he needed, and I am sure that Papo would remember you with good memories

Run free and sleep softly Papo
 

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So sorry you're joining under sad circumstances...lots of us here found the forum after losing a golden.

I am sure that it meant alot to Papo that you were there with him, aswell as his new owner and he definitely will have remembered you. Run free sweet Papo at rainbow bridge!
 
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