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Discussion Starter #1
What do you say to the people that feel the need to constantly lecture about adopt don’t shop?! It’s been a constant thing for us.
Like I get shelter dogs need homes, but I bought a Golden from a breeder because I wanted a golden. I wanted a dog with all the amazing qualities of a golden. We picked based on a lot of research on what breed was the best fit for us.
But that’s not enough then they go on about finding a golden that was in a golden rescue. Which we also checked before we got our dog. The rescues either had mixes and I didn’t want to risk them having qualities of the other breed and not the golden or they had needs we couldn’t accommodate. There were ones that needed a 6 foot fence yard, one needed a lot of medication and someone that was home 24/7 . All things we couldn’t do so why put the dog in that situation.

So what do you say? How do you deal with those people?
 

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Kate
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If it is a random weirdo - I'd tune them out and ignore them for being foolish.

If it's a friend or family member, I'd give them the opportunity to find a purebred golden retriever puppy (8 weeks) of the look and style you prefer, with a fully known pedigree and health background, that was not purchased from overseas puppy mills or bred by breeders calling themselves a rescue.

Give them a 100 mile radius of your home.

Give them the opportunity to go hunting for something that specific at golden retriever rescues. Assure them you will adopt that 8 week old purebred puppy of the look and style you prefer, full clearances, fully known pedigree, not imported by puppy mills or bred and sold by pseudo rescues - if they can find such a critter.

It might be fun

If they take the bait, be sure to keep after them for updates on their search. ;)
 

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Why do you feel any need to engage them?

Based on what you wrote, I have a suspicion that any response other than "gee, you're right, I see the light" is simply an opening for them to launch a counter-argument to whatever you say.

In this scenario, any attempt to defend/explain your position/actions is simply extending a disagreeable discussion. When faced with this situation, my "go to" is "well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree agreeably". In this specific instance, if pushed further, I would (and, "have") simply retreated to "I wanted to buy a puppy from a breeder, and that's what I did". Any additional push is responded to with "because I wanted to".

At a certain level, this is socially rude. I get it. But, so is the persistent pushing of an opinion on others. The actions of the other person are conditioned on you accepting responsibility for trying to explain yourself to someone who isn't listening. Simple solution? Stop accepting that responsibility.
 

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I get it. Luckily most people I have told have been understanding (minus the price point I'm paying, haha). If it helps, I looked down pretty much every avenue for adoption and was met with brick walls due to the virus. I really wanted a golden, but I highly considered a shelter dog to try to save a life. My unwavering wish list was:

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- 40-60 pounds (60 is the max I can handle if the dog has zero manners and training, if the dog was trained somewhat, up to 80 pounds)

- Loving personality; likes to be around people.

- Dog-friendly as we have a blind/deaf foster dog

- No excessive slobbering (think mastiff, Saint Bernard type drooling)

- No (purebred or mostly pure) bully breeds other than boxers - I love pits and know plenty of nice ones but they're just too much muscle for me and a lot are dog reactive.

- No huskies or malamutes - I would not own one of these dogs unless Texas turned into Antarctica and I needed a sled dog...great dogs but I'm not the right owner for one.

- Kid-friendly with respectful children as the dog will likely be alive when I have children.
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No bully breeds pretty much automatically dwindled my choices down drastically.

I tried the shelter route; the virus (happily for the dogs) dwindled our local shelter down to 3 dogs - one was a highly reactive lab and the other two were smaller bully breed crosses. I considered one of the bully crosses, but she was nonstop leaping everywhere and too big for me to feel comfortable controlling.

The other shelter had only one dog I considered - her foster family said she killed a cat, and our permanent foster dachshund is way more 'prey-like' than a cat as he is blind and deaf. That was a definite no-go.

ASPCA had booked appointments for all of the foreseeable future.

I tried a shelter-type rescue and saw three dogs there. One dog was well-mannered, but it was huge and was more aloof than I preferred. One dog was around 60 pounds of pure, untrained muscle. The one dog I liked had conflicting reports on if the dog just needed flea shampoo or had permanent allergies that would need baths for the rest of its life. It was a large border collie mix. It was untrained, and a bit too much (unfocused) energy for me, so the added unknowns on health removed it from the list. That dog got adopted the next day, I am happy to say.

Looked into other rescues - the requirements got to be ridiculous. We went through the requirements with the dachshund rescue we foster for and I didn't feel like going through that again (some places had some kind of weird requirements too).

Looked into a golden retriever rescue. One didn't list their dogs at all. The other had a few dogs listed - all were highly food aggressive / had issues with resource guarding. We went through that before with a foster dog. Not fun at 17 pounds - definitely not going into that knowingly at 60+ pounds.

I finally realized I just needed to go the good breeder route. I wanted a golden retriever. So...I started researching breeders. That was an adventure in itself, but I finally found a good one. Getting my pup in April 2021.

I take care of a permanently fostered 15 year old blind/mostly deaf dachshund every day who isn't potty trained and needs diaper changes. He was surrendered because his owner died. Sometimes he has accidents on himself so he needs to be bathed pretty often. I wrap him up in his blanket and tuck him in at night to go to sleep in his crate because he likes it. I blend his food because he only has around three teeth. He gets medications pretty often. If someone wants to judge me because I'm going to buy my dream dog from a good breeder...well...they can have at it. :)
 

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I take care of a permanently fostered 15 year old blind/mostly deaf dachshund every day who isn't potty trained and needs diaper changes. He was surrendered because his owner died. Sometimes he has accidents on himself so he needs to be bathed pretty often. I wrap him up in his blanket and tuck him in at night to go to sleep in his crate because he likes it. I blend his food because he only has around three teeth. He gets medications pretty often. If someone wants to judge me because I'm going to buy my dream dog from a good breeder...well...they can have at it. :)
I'm not going to castigate myself over this, as I'm sure I have my own good qualities. But, in this instance, "you win". Hands down. No way I would (please note use of "would" vice "could") take on this level of responsibility. I'd like to tag "especially for someone else's dog", but, frankly, I don't know where my line is drawn on this level of care.
 

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Kristy
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Tell them that rescue and rehoming unwanted dogs is a wonderful thing to do for those who have an interest and don't have a lot of specific needs from their dogs other than love and companionship. If someone takes time and has the nerve to try to school you on rescue then it's perfectly fine for you to politely educate them on the need to support and preserve dog breeds for future generations. Preservation of cultural resources is important. Specific breeds do important jobs for people and we can't lose those traits. There's a reason you see Goldens, Shepherds and Labs as service dogs, Malinois as working military dogs, Bloodhounds working for your county sheriff for search and rescue and the list goes on and on. Here are some articles you may find informative.



It's ok to need specific traits for your pet and you owe no one an explanation. Preservation breeders deserve our support.
 

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I'm not going to castigate myself over this, as I'm sure I have my own good qualities. But, in this instance, "you win". Hands down. No way I would (please note use of "would" vice "could") take on this level of responsibility. I'd like to tag "especially for someone else's dog", but, frankly, I don't know where my line is drawn on this level of care.
Ernie is worth it hands down. When we first met him, he'd been at his foster home for a year (president of the rescue had him). No one was interested in adopting him. He is so, so sweet. He loves to be cuddled and sung to; when I clip his nails I just turn him on his back on my lap and he goes to sleep. I'm going to college to be a veterinary technician and I work at a vet clinic, so perhaps I'm just "used to" different care needs than the general population. Or maybe Ernie just weaseled his scrawny little self into my heart. 😂 When he barks, he leaps in the air...too cute.

I will say, we did get one foster dog that didn't care for people (not aggressive in general, but just "meh") and he was very aggressive if you touched his stomach (and he needed to be lifted a lot). I couldn't have/wouldn't have been willing to do for him what I do for Ernie because of the bite risk. My main memory of that foster dog was restraining him in the shower while I tried to shampoo his yeasty armpits. He growled and vibrated the whole time. 😬 He got a new foster home soon after.

Sorry for the derailment, original poster. :) Just an example, though, that there are certain things that some people can do, and certain things others can't. I can deal with major "caretaking" duties, but I couldn't deal with aggression. Others might not have so much of an issue with aggression, but the "caretaking" duties would be too much.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
If it is a random weirdo - I'd tune them out and ignore them for being foolish.

If it's a friend or family member, I'd give them the opportunity to find a purebred golden retriever puppy (8 weeks) of the look and style you prefer, with a fully known pedigree and health background, that was not purchased from overseas puppy mills or bred by breeders calling themselves a rescue.

Give them a 100 mile radius of your home.

Give them the opportunity to go hunting for something that specific at golden retriever rescues. Assure them you will adopt that 8 week old purebred puppy of the look and style you prefer, full clearances, fully known pedigree, not imported by puppy mills or bred and sold by pseudo rescues - if they can find such a critter.

It might be fun

If they take the bait, be sure to keep after them for updates on their search. ;)
A lot of them are strangers but my aunt is bad about it. Constantly messaging me to say it again and bringing it up at family functions. Haha but I might have to use that! I’m gunna pester her about it as much as she does me about adopting.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Why do you feel any need to engage them?

Based on what you wrote, I have a suspicion that any response other than "gee, you're right, I see the light" is simply an opening for them to launch a counter-argument to whatever you say.

In this scenario, any attempt to defend/explain your position/actions is simply extending a disagreeable discussion. When faced with this situation, my "go to" is "well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree agreeably". In this specific instance, if pushed further, I would (and, "have") simply retreated to "I wanted to buy a puppy from a breeder, and that's what I did". Any additional push is responded to with "because I wanted to".

At a certain level, this is socially rude. I get it. But, so is the persistent pushing of an opinion on others. The actions of the other person are conditioned on you accepting responsibility for trying to explain yourself to someone who isn't listening. Simple solution? Stop accepting that responsibility.
I normally wouldn’t engage but the worst person about it is my aunt and she makes a scene at family events
 

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I truly dislike the people that no matter how hard you try they continue to lecture you on how your purebred dog is bad (I have one that lives down the street from me) I even explained to her that I tried to get a rescue Golden prior to getting Ollie as I only wanted a golden or golden mix but the 2 rescues near us are both on St louis and neither would adopt outside of 60 miles even though I have a nice house, fenced yard, vet references, and the means to provide for the dogs. She has continued to badger off and on for over a year even though she has 2 out of control mixed breed rescues that are extremely dog and people reactive and can't even be leash walked while my dogs are calm for the most part as they have had enough training and have their CGC and we are working toward their Urban CGC.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I get it. Luckily most people I have told have been understanding (minus the price point I'm paying, haha). If it helps, I looked down pretty much every avenue for adoption and was met with brick walls due to the virus. I really wanted a golden, but I highly considered a shelter dog to try to save a life. My unwavering wish list was:

----
- 40-60 pounds (60 is the max I can handle if the dog has zero manners and training, if the dog was trained somewhat, up to 80 pounds)

- Loving personality; likes to be around people.

- Dog-friendly as we have a blind/deaf foster dog

- No excessive slobbering (think mastiff, Saint Bernard type drooling)

- No (purebred or mostly pure) bully breeds other than boxers - I love pits and know plenty of nice ones but they're just too much muscle for me and a lot are dog reactive.

- No huskies or malamutes - I would not own one of these dogs unless Texas turned into Antarctica and I needed a sled dog...great dogs but I'm not the right owner for one.

- Kid-friendly with respectful children as the dog will likely be alive when I have children.
-----
No bully breeds pretty much automatically dwindled my choices down drastically.

I tried the shelter route; the virus (happily for the dogs) dwindled our local shelter down to 3 dogs - one was a highly reactive lab and the other two were smaller bully breed crosses. I considered one of the bully crosses, but she was nonstop leaping everywhere and too big for me to feel comfortable controlling.

The other shelter had only one dog I considered - her foster family said she killed a cat, and our permanent foster dachshund is way more 'prey-like' than a cat as he is blind and deaf. That was a definite no-go.

ASPCA had booked appointments for all of the foreseeable future.

I tried a shelter-type rescue and saw three dogs there. One dog was well-mannered, but it was huge and was more aloof than I preferred. One dog was around 60 pounds of pure, untrained muscle. The one dog I liked had conflicting reports on if the dog just needed flea shampoo or had permanent allergies that would need baths for the rest of its life. It was a large border collie mix. It was untrained, and a bit too much (unfocused) energy for me, so the added unknowns on health removed it from the list. That dog got adopted the next day, I am happy to say.

Looked into other rescues - the requirements got to be ridiculous. We went through the requirements with the dachshund rescue we foster for and I didn't feel like going through that again (some places had some kind of weird requirements too).

Looked into a golden retriever rescue. One didn't list their dogs at all. The other had a few dogs listed - all were highly food aggressive / had issues with resource guarding. We went through that before with a foster dog. Not fun at 17 pounds - definitely not going into that knowingly at 60+ pounds.

I finally realized I just needed to go the good breeder route. I wanted a golden retriever. So...I started researching breeders. That was an adventure in itself, but I finally found a good one. Getting my pup in April 2021.

I take care of a permanently fostered 15 year old blind/mostly deaf dachshund every day who isn't potty trained and needs diaper changes. He was surrendered because his owner died. Sometimes he has accidents on himself so he needs to be bathed pretty often. I wrap him up in his blanket and tuck him in at night to go to sleep in his crate because he likes it. I blend his food because he only has around three teeth. He gets medications pretty often. If someone wants to judge me because I'm going to buy my dream dog from a good breeder...well...they can have at it. :)
Yes rescues have the craziest requirements! The golden rescue had 10 Golden’s but wouldn’t let them go anywhere unless the fence was a 6 foot privacy fence?! Which was insane to me. I get it with certain breeds. We have a split rail. So that definitely wasn’t happening
 

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I normally wouldn’t engage but the worst person about it is my aunt and she makes a scene at family events
So? Let her make her scene. What are you gaining by engaging? Let her have her say, acknowledge her statements, and let it go.
Sometimes, it is incredibly refreshing when you make a conscious decision to "give up". 😉😁
 

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Yes rescues have the craziest requirements! The golden rescue had 10 Golden’s but wouldn’t let them go anywhere unless the fence was a 6 foot privacy fence?! Which was insane to me. I get it with certain breeds. We have a split rail. So that definitely wasn’t happening
Yes! We have a fence, but I didn't meet the age requirement for most rescues (one demanded only applicants 26+). While the new dog will be a "family dog", I'll be the one paying for it, training it, etc (family prefers small dogs but was good with a golden as the next family pet if I'm the caretaker), so (selfishly) I preferred it to be under my name. Some others demanded someone home always, permission to take the dog away without prior notice...it was just too much. The rescue we foster for had reasonable requirements, but even that was nerve-wracking when waiting to see if you'd been approved! (Home check, long questionnaire, vet checks, etc).
 
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Discussion Starter #14
I just want to thank everyone for talking about this with me! It’s really been a thorn in my side lately and it’s nice to talk to people that feel the same way I do.
 

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I am an avid rescue lover and my last dog was rescue. She was a golden/lab mix and amazing.
She had the Golden temperament and so many of the traits that when it was time to look, I wanted a golden... or another mix like her.
I couldn't find one at a rescue. I also also wanted one over a year old.

Well I bought 9.5 week old Molly from a breeder in MN on March 18. If I could have found the right rescue dog, I would have.. do I feel guilty? No.
I still support rescues and always will.
 

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I would tell the "activist" to mind their own business,,,,,,,no need to be super polite.......
 

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Whenever a person is very compassionate about something, regardless of the topic, they often have very strong opinions about whatever the subject is.

Everyone has the right to their view points and opinions, the right to live their life as they choose, make the decisions they feel are best for them. However, I don't think anyone should ever force their viewpoints on another individual or make a person feel guilty or belittle them for their choices.

Do what you feel is best for you........ ignore the individuals who try to make you think otherwise. It's especially tough when it's a family member.......
 

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It's too bad that the use of "adopt don't shop" by well-intentioned rescue advocates has been interpreted to mean buying from a breeder is unethical. Our neighbors got a rescue puppy around the same time we got our golden. They "had to" neuter their dog at 4 months, I couldn't believe it. He was sooo little still. Is that ethical? Do rescues have the dog's best (health) interest in mind? We chose a breeder because we love dogs and wanted a healthy golden puppy.

It's a different set of values driving whether someone "adopts" or "shops". Both are valid, but lecturing can't change someone's values.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Whenever a person is very compassionate about something, regardless of the topic, they often have very strong opinions about whatever the subject is.

Everyone has the right to their view points and opinions, the right to live their life as they choose, make the decisions they feel are best for them. However, I don't think anyone should ever force their viewpoints on another individual or make a person feel guilty or belittle them for their choices.

Do you what you feel is best for you........ ignore the individuals who try to make you think otherwise. It's especially tough when it's a family member.......
everyone definitely has the right to their viewpoints. It’s just funny that you never hear people harassing someone who adopts a dog about how they should have bought one. But they feel the need to harass us about it.

The whole family member thing makes it really hard to go to family events.
 
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