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New Mommy
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Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

 

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Thank you for sharing this. I am especially mindful of how many agonizing losses you have endured in the last few months.

Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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Coley - my cuddle bug
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I'm horribly stuck on 4 concerning my puppy and my mom. More so now that the year mark is rapidly approaching for both. More times than not, life just sucks. Still waiting................. for 5, 6, 7.

Claire's Friend, I cannot even imagine how you're dealing with things.

I'm sorry to be such a downer. Because I miss my mom and my puppy Duke so much doesn't mean that I don't love Cole.
 

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I'm horribly stuck on 4 concerning my puppy and my mom. More so now that the year mark is rapidly approaching for both. More times than not, life just sucks. Still waiting................. for 5, 6, 7.

Claire's Friend, I cannot even imagine how you're dealing with things.

I'm sorry to be such a downer. Because I miss my mom and my puppy Duke so much doesn't mean that I don't love Cole.
It took my mom several years to reach the acceptance point with the death of my grandma. My mom and grandma were very close and due to my grandfather's death at a fairly young age, my grandma was all my mom had as a parent for about 40 years of her life. The year anniversary and the first milestones (Christmas, birthdays, etc.) after the one year mark seemed to be exceedingly more difficult for my mom. But after that second full year she seemed to be able to move on a bit more.

It sounds like your loss was really compounded with your loss of Duke (which was a huge loss on its own). Give yourself a break and don't apologize for not moving on as quickly as people think you should. I suggested that my mom seek grief counseling so that she didn't feel like she was burdening the rest of us with her sadness. I'm not sure if you've already done that, but maybe that would be a good option?
 

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Thanks for posting these wonderful words. They are so important.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross did an amazing thing when she published "On Death and Dying" in 1969. She helped so many people, including me, understand death and dying, the grief that ensues, how it progresses, and how we each deal with each stage of our loss differently.

In "On Grief and Grieving", published in 2005, she reminds us that ""If you do not take the time to grieve, you cannot find a future in which loss is remembered and honored without pain."

Kubler-Ross' wonderful foundation is a great resource and comfort to those who must face loss. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation

The most important thing I've learned about grieving is that it's ok to get stuck for a while, as long as you eventually move forward again. My father died in '99, and my mom still has those days. Me, too.

It will be a year on 2/23 since Gracie went to the Bridge. And, today, I'm stuck. So, I let the tears flow, and remember the thump of her tail, her beautiful eyes, and her stingy kisses. But, I know I'll be ok.
 

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New Mommy
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Discussion Starter #9
I am stuck in #4 too. I am sure the multiple losses doesn't help. I have my 4th and last session with the grief therapist on Thursday, it's not working. You guys all help more than anything.
 

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Oh going back in stages is such a blast (NOT). I've plummeted back to 4...heck even 2...I've just had a dream about my boy. Not a good one...and have just been depressed all day. Been crying my eyes out since I got home. Sigh...I miss my baby so much...I know it will get better...and then worse again...but eventually I, and everyone on here, will over come this gloomy time.
Sending hugs to everyone!
 

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Thanks

This made me feel better. Almost 4 months for my Candy and well it has been a bad day .. not sure why

In "On Grief and Grieving", published in 2005, she reminds us that ""If you do not take the time to grieve, you cannot find a future in which loss is remembered and honored without pain."


It is so true . I need to honor her...
 

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I feel I have finally begun Step 5 with the help of an antidepressant. I was beyond normal grieving, it had progressed to clinical depression.
This last week was the first time I had several good days in a row without crying all day and crying myself to sleep. I have been able to think of Selka and smile at times, without a ton of tears. I know this is what he wants for me.
I miss him so much and still can't believe he isn't here so in some ways I am still in denial. But at least I feel hope in the future. I am so looking forward to SPRING!
 

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I am glad you found something to help you through this awful time. There is a canine grief specialist about an hour away from me. I think I am going to set up an appointment ..He has helped me once before. That is my first step ...
 

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I lost my golden fifteen days ago it hurts so much he was a very speical dog . His name was sam he was nine yrs old .i came home and didnt here any barking .i knew something was wrong .he was in my back porch with my lab jake he was lieing by the back door dead from lymphoma jake is seven he just lays around lost .I FEEL SO LOST AND DISCONNECTED FROM EVERY THING
 

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I miss my Buddy
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I am so sorry Brian for your loss of Sam, I can see how special he was to you and to Jake. Just wont you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I was at your place 2 years ago and I know how hard and painful first few months were. You have Jake and he has you, hope you can help each other to heal from your loss.
 

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I lost my golden fifteen days ago it hurts so much he was a very speical dog . His name was sam he was nine yrs old .i came home and didnt here any barking .i knew something was wrong .he was in my back porch with my lab jake he was lieing by the back door dead from lymphoma jake is seven he just lays around lost .I FEEL SO LOST AND DISCONNECTED FROM EVERY THING
So sorry for your recent loss.

Grieving is the process of learning to live your life without someone you care about. It is a lifelong journey.
 

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I miss my Buddy
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I scanned this article from our Humane Society papers for you, hope we are that support group so much needed. Hugs.
View attachment PET LOSS.PDF
 

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Thank you for the article; this is such an intense process.

I find that sometimes I have all those emotions on the same day...all mixed up. I might be looking forward to Mr. Darcy and then remember something and miss her so much that I cry again.

I think the only feeling I haven't had and won't ever have with Penny's loss is anger. I have nothing to be angry about.

It important to know that these feelings don't go in order, necessarily. Grief isn't linear...it's a zigzag path that is different for everyone. And how that affects us and our human relations is different for every one.

Somehow, at some point, we come out on the other side. But we are changed forever. I hope for the better.
 
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