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My constant companion for 11+ years passed away on Monday, May 18, 2020. He came from a rescue group and adopted me when he was around a year old. I have deep regrets even though he was getting up in age and had health issues. I am grieving and blaming myself for not acting sooner and not believing that he's gone, etc., etc. Even on Sunday, I thought I would take him to the vet, they would fix him and he'd be back home. Right now, I can't believe that I ended it. I wish I hadn't ended it and I wish I wasn't writing this post, but they say that sharing helps the pain. Im simply very sad.

Some of my memories about Bentley that I am sharing:

1. That tail. What a weapon it was. he didn't care how he used it, thump thump thump on the wall or the on the floor, knocking stuff off the table, using it as a rudder when swimming or chasing tennis balls. When chasing tennis balls, it would go round and round in circles, and wag furiously. I haven't seen any dog do that.
2. Smell. He smelled sooooooooooooooo good, unless he would roll around in dirty grass. I think I was the only person in ur family who thought he smelled awesome.
3. Tennis balls. The way he would chase them, carry two in his mouth, the way he would drop it down and slam his body and back and rub on it. His style was extraordinary.
4. Breakfast and dinner. Just happy to eat the same food for all this time. after gulping it down, he would come to me and wanted to be petted - his way of saying thanks, man. That was delicious.
5. Playtime: it didn't matter what time of day. You say Bentley, Bentley, Bentley, and the tail would wag furiously and he'd come to you with a toy or ball and want you to play tug of war.
6. Cats: Bark furiously when he saw a cat and would chase it. But if the cat turned around and stood it's ground, he would jump right into my arms. He acted tough, but was a softie.
7. Patience in later years: I would sometimes say, " Hey buddy, I will take you later for a walk. " He would lay down and seemed to say, " It's okay, I'm here when you are ready "
8. Tolerance for pain. Never once as he aged, did let tell me that he was hurting even when he started having hip problems. I would massage his neck and ears and he would purr like a cat.
9. His paws. So big and majestic. I fell in love with it when I saw them for the first time.
10. Most of all, his presence: It didn't matter how bad a day I had or how much was going on in the world. When I came home, he was there and seemed to say, " I'm here, it's allright" I come downstairs in the morning and there's his water and his bowl. But he is not here. Instinctively, my brain sometimes things he's at home when I open the door and he's not there. We have a full house with spouse, kids and another dog. But, the house feels so empty to me and that strength is gone.

I thought I was ready for it, intellectually I know everyone has to die and I'm very accepting of that. However, emotionally, its a different story. I have this lump in my throat that won't go away. I feel that I let my best friend and companion down.

Thanks for reading,
Suri.
Buntus.jpg
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss of Bentley.
He was beautiful and reading your words, I can tell what a special boy he was and how much he meant to you.

Run free Bentley
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. Your words and memories of him have left me in tears. I am so touched.
Jules
 

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Farewell Bentley. Sounds like you and he had a powerful, wonderful bond. I am hoping that at some point when you are ready that all of the warm and joyous memories you shared will help you transcend your grief.
 

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God bless you for giving Bentley such a wonderful, loving home and I can tell he loved you as well. I know what you’re saying but please understand that, as hard as it was, what you did was compassionately giving Bentley the last gift you could, freedom from suffering and pain. Praying for God’s comfort for you.
 

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I write this with tears in my eyes. Your tribute was so loving. I'm so sorry about Bentley. Wish they could live forever.
 

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What a wonderful tribute to your dear Bentley. As my heart is breaking for my own loss, I am smiling through the tears at your words and the wonderful memories. We will always look to their spot, always be remembering.
 
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