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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have an almost 6 month old boy, he does not cuddle much at all or show any affectionate- I was actually concerned that he didnt like me at all. We go on walks, play, I hand feed him twice a day, and he follows me around most of the time. I try to get him to cuddle with me at night, and he jumps off my bed and walks into his crate (that he usually hates). Even after being tired from going to daycare he still wont have anything to do with me... He just has no interest in me when it comes to showing affection... I've even tried to positively reinforce cuddling with treats and toys.

This is not at all what i pictured would happen when I chose to get a golden , and a few weeks ago I even got very emotional about it, and at one point even started to regret my decision (I do not now, I love him with my whole being and just want some love in return). He has just put me through a lot with his puppy stage with his energy, destructive chewing habits, isn’t interested in ANY toys I buy, a VERY picky eater and get an upset tummy a lot (especially during the night), won’t respond to his name, and the need to swallow everything in sight- I at least expected some kind of reward (cuddling) for going through all of that calmly and not getting mad at him/keeping my temper at bay haha, but all he has given me nothing besides side eye and chaos



Is there anything else i can do to help with this? Will it just come with age? Will he never be cuddly? I really want him to be, it was my whole reason of getting a male... Would love tips and reassurance if anyone had any to give! 🥺
 

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In my experience some dogs just don’t like cuddling, for whatever reasons. It is too hot, they’re tired of attention, etc.

He is still young and with maturity he may develop a stronger desire to cuddle but may also not.
 

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He is young. My boy is 11 months now and he still hates cuddling. In fact it seems that he prefers everyone else over me hahaha. Hang in there. Once he matures, he will come to you. Some dogs just need space or he might just be hot. Try and take the attention away for a few days and see if you notice any change.
 

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If it helps I find our adult boy Teddy is much more cuddly when we have gone out, not been around with him all day. Or if I’m working from home and can’t give him as much attention as I usually do then he wants to cuddle me.
we adopted Teddy at 18 months. He was initially needy cuddly but once he settled in he wasn’t very cuddly until after to he turned 2 when he became more cuddly but it’s more on his terms when he feels like it.
But we still bribe him with a small biscuit to get him to come up onto the sofa with us. He cuddles for a bit then gets too hot and jumps off after 10 or 20 minutes.
 

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A couple of things.

I have a male dog now, after a lifetime of females, and he is a lot less cuddly than all my females. He loves to be with me, and will lie on the floor next to my chair, or on an adjacent piece of furniture, but will not share furniture with me. If he's on the couch and I go to sit next to him, he will stay for a minute or so, and then move. He also prefers to sleep in his crate, rather than on the bed. On the other hand, he follows me around like a shadow and is never very far away. The "cuddliness" or lack there of is, I think, not a function of the dog being male or female, it's more of an individual personality thing. Some dogs just aren't cuddly.

The thing you can do is to build your relationship with him through training. Enroll in a class somewhere (COVID permitting) and teach him stuff. You should start with obedience, but once you have the basics, you can maybe find an activity you would both enjoy. I do agility with my dog, but there are also sports like frisbee, rally obedience, scent detection and so on. Goldens are basically working dogs and they love to learn. I keep a special training treat bag in the fridge, full of high-value treats, and my dog is always very excited when I bring it out (he's 5 years old) because it means we're either going to class, or practising, or going to a trial (or at least, that's what it meant pre-COVID). Training is the best way to develop a good relationship with a dog, and Goldens are very rewarding dogs to train because they learn so quickly. And you will probably find that, once you start training, his bad behaviours will lessen, even if you're not specifically training for that. Training always has a knock-on effect into every other area of life.

Best of luck, hope this helps.
 

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Ceegee is absolutely right! My boy and I do agility and nosework and he is excited to be with me! Is he a cuddler? No, but he follows me everywhere and is always ready for the next training adventure.
 

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Although I don’t have much experience with Goldens, my male will come up for affection but only wants so much of it. He likes to do his own thing and will ignore me when it suits him. When he’s had enough he’ll lie on the carpet next to the fireplace.
He doesn’t be with us 24/7 though so that might help. Ie his bed is in the garage which he’s put out to every night and he gets only minor attention during the day just to let him out. In the evening is when he gets a lot of attention from all of us which he tends to lap up.
 

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My Golden is 16 months and he is not as cuddly as my last one, but he is getting more and more attached as time goes on. We do agility and I think he expresses his affection via us being active together and he loves playing together. One thing he doesn't have, which my previous Golden developed to a certain degree, is separation anxiety. I'm thankful for that. I think some independence is a good thing.

I agree with what was said above about training. Regular training, and making it an enjoyable time, translates to better behavior across the board. It doesn't have to be long - 10 minute sessions a couple of times a day would be a good start.
 

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I have an almost 6 month old boy, he does not cuddle much at all or show any affectionate- I was actually concerned that he didnt like me at all. We go on walks, play, I hand feed him twice a day, and he follows me around most of the time. I try to get him to cuddle with me at night, and he jumps off my bed and walks into his crate (that he usually hates). Even after being tired from going to daycare he still wont have anything to do with me... He just has no interest in me when it comes to showing affection... I've even tried to positively reinforce cuddling with treats and toys.
It may be your idea of affection.... is very human vs canine.

Hugging or cuddling - to dogs - can be very confining and uncomfortable. Doesn't mean you can't hug or snuggle up with your dog - just remember to not overdo it. Don't be Elmira from Tiny Toons. :D
 

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It may be your idea of affection.... is very human vs canine.

Hugging or cuddling - to dogs - can be very confining and uncomfortable. Doesn't mean you can't hug or snuggle up with your dog - just remember to not overdo it. Don't be Elmira from Tiny Toons. :D
Yeah that’s a really good point.
Teddy loves to sit on the sofa with us. But he likes to curl up at the other end rather than on us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you guys for the responses! It’s really calmed down my mind.

I work at a doggy daycare where we had a golden who would not leave my side-and would immediately sit on me and cuddle if I ever got on the floor- she was my cuddle bug for her stay with us! And she was the main reason for me to get a golden (instead of the Great Pyrenees I was looking into buying). And Bears mom and dad were both very cuddly and affectionate whenever I visited to put down my deposit... I had really high expectations for him to be cuddly. But I now understand that each dog will show their love in a different way! And that just because he doesn’t cuddle me, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me.



... but there is still that part of me that hopes he grows out of it as he ages and will cuddle just as she did 🤣
 

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Sometimes dogs like to be near you but not right up on you...different dogs will show you affection in different ways. Hugging and cuddling can make them feel trapped or confined. You kind of have to pick your moments, I guess. I would think maturity and continuing with what you're doing will help.
 

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Even after being tired from going to daycare he still wont have anything to do with me
In addition to the valid points already made;
If "daycare" means he is spending a large amount of time with other dogs, he my be bonded to them more strongly than he is to you. Dogs become pack animals if given the opportunity.
 

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Amber has never been a cuddler. My wife was concerned about this too. Over time she definitely become our dog and she wants to be close all the time but not on us.
 

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You've had some really good replies here, and in fact, my last dog was very much like the one CeeGee described, too. But she was also my heart and soul. She was not at all cuddly. She was fine to be at the other end of the couch. At the bottom of the bed (though in later years, she did start sleeping right up on my pillow, curled around my head). Even just in the same room, but never on top of me. She did not like being hugged or even patted too much. She tolerated it and then would move away. But our bond was SO strong. I first realized it when we went on our very first road trip when she was about 10 months old. It becomes so clear how much they rely on you and that you are their source of security and comfort. And it just grows over the years. She was never cuddly but we were so connected. She took a piece of my heart with her when she died. It was one of the hardest things I ever went through losing her. So trust me, you can grow to love and be totally bonded with a non-cuddler. It might take some time, but trust me, the non-cuddlers have just as much love in them.
 

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I just worked out that in a 7 day period where I’m in bed 10 hours a night, but only busy with work 18 hours over the 98 hours I am awake and at home on lockdown in the uk. 9 hours of that 18 I was working away from home. A couple visits to the garden centre and a couple to the supermarket so still home a lot!
Teddy has ONLY voluntarily jumped up onto the sofa to cuddle up to me THREE times!

And that’s a big improvement for him. Once he felt secure and stopped laying on my lap over morning coffee for the first couple months after we rescued him he didn’t cuddle up voluntarily to us for a good 6 months. I have heard that some dogs don’t get more cuddly till after they turn 2. That’s what we have found with Teddy.

Here’s some photos of teddys’ cuddlyness today which lasted a relatively long time for him 30 minutes!

I just really enjoy it and savour it when he chooses to bestow his cuddles 🥰 on me. Which might not be as frequently as we’d like but we can live with that.
 

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I have an almost 6 month old boy, he does not cuddle much at all or show any affectionate- I was actually concerned that he didnt like me at all. We go on walks, play, I hand feed him twice a day, and he follows me around most of the time. I try to get him to cuddle with me at night, and he jumps off my bed and walks into his crate (that he usually hates). Even after being tired from going to daycare he still wont have anything to do with me... He just has no interest in me when it comes to showing affection... I've even tried to positively reinforce cuddling with treats and toys.

This is not at all what i pictured would happen when I chose to get a golden , and a few weeks ago I even got very emotional about it, and at one point even started to regret my decision (I do not now, I love him with my whole being and just want some love in return). He has just put me through a lot with his puppy stage with his energy, destructive chewing habits, isn’t interested in ANY toys I buy, a VERY picky eater and get an upset tummy a lot (especially during the night), won’t respond to his name, and the need to swallow everything in sight- I at least expected some kind of reward (cuddling) for going through all of that calmly and not getting mad at him/keeping my temper at bay haha, but all he has given me nothing besides side eye and chaos



Is there anything else i can do to help with this? Will it just come with age? Will he never be cuddly? I really want him to be, it was my whole reason of getting a male... Would love tips and reassurance if anyone had any to give! 🥺
If he follow you around-he must like you?

Dogs don't understand hugs/cuddling-the way humans do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
If he follow you around-he must like you?

Dogs don't understand hugs/cuddling-the way humans do.
I know he likes me, he just shows it in a different way than I expected him to... I know now that him following me around, and whining when I leave a room means that he at least holds some kind of love for me. Shortly after posting this I got on the floor with him, and he came over to me and just fell on top of me (he's still in the floppy noodle stage... not sure if he'll grow out of it- and i hope he doesn't). I was very happy with his random cuddle session haha!
 

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Molly wasn't very cuddly until about 4-5 months ago. She is now 15 months and prefers to lay with us or on us favoring me. She a snuggler now
882129
 

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I've actually taught Duster to give hugs. He will often come and stand with his front feet on my armchair, as if he's going to hop up and share the chair with me, only he doesn't (he hates sitting on humans). So I taught him instead to put his head on my shoulder. The command is "dusterhug". When he does this, I can then hug him loosely. He will often produce the behaviour spontaneously, or I can ask him for it.
 
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