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It breaks my heart to write this right now (and to add to my already heavy heart with guilt, I know most might not remember Ori) I've sadly not been about to get into my old account as of late, due to not being able to access the email at the time, but... to make things simpler;

[removed link]

I did not know how to contact an Admin or Mod in order to chance my email and send a new password request... I tried to give a link to the previous profile I had for him/me, but of course, spam security prevented it, but I can provide it for clarification if need be!

This morning, we had to say goodbye to Ori at 11 years old. It was found that he had lung cancer and I could not bear to let him carry on much longer until he begun to show more pain.

I've never been faced with the decision before...I've never witnessed it head on. But I'm having a tough time believing that I did the right thing - at the right time. The masses in his chest were only found on Tuesday morning (after a trip to the emergency vet on Monday night when he wouldn't eat his dinner) and suddenly was told that it was the only and best option. But he still had an appetite later after one vomit on Monday evening. He still was running around, twirling, full of energy.

In addition, I'm angry. I understood and was told that it was like "just falling asleep" and it was NOTHING of the contrary. My Prince did not go from standing with a happy/excited disposition , to buckling under when he was sleepy. I feel like I robbed him of months he could have still had;and therefore begun to understood what was happening. There was no "gentle drifting." It literally was just like he "crashed" and didn't even get to close his eyes. I feel...robbed. And I feel like he was to.

I don't know what exactly I'm feeling, supposed to be feeling, or how I'm supposed to "accept" this. I just know something doesn't feel right...and I'm torn and heartbroken, and...I don't feel like I did the right thing by doing it RIGHT NOW.
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss of Ori, my thoughts are with you.

I have sent you a message regarding your previous acct.
 

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So, how does anyone know when the "right" time is? If you read the many posts reflecting loss and grief most everyone was conflicted about this. And there are always emotional lose ends. You are experiencing states of grief:

"The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief 鈥榮 terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is an unique as you are." - From David Kessler and his website, grief.com.

Please keep sharing on the Forum. You will find it helpful, as there are many compassionate people here who have walked down the same path as yours.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss of Ori. It is so easy to second guess yourself after euthanizing but it is painful and futile. Try to turn your thoughts to the good times you had with Ori and not the last day. I have seen others post "better a day early than a day too late." You spared sweet Ori from suffering as lovingly as you knew how and that's all he would ask of you.
 

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It breaks my heart to write this right now (and to add to my already heavy heart with guilt, I know most might not remember Ori) I've sadly not been about to get into my old account as of late, due to not being able to access the email at the time, but... to make things simpler;

[removed link]

I did not know how to contact an Admin or Mod in order to chance my email and send a new password request... I tried to give a link to the previous profile I had for him/me, but of course, spam security prevented it, but I can provide it for clarification if need be!

This morning, we had to say goodbye to Ori at 11 years old. It was found that he had lung cancer and I could not bear to let him carry on much longer until he begun to show more pain.

I've never been faced with the decision before...I've never witnessed it head on. But I'm having a tough time believing that I did the right thing - at the right time. The masses in his chest were only found on Tuesday morning (after a trip to the emergency vet on Monday night when he wouldn't eat his dinner) and suddenly was told that it was the only and best option. But he still had an appetite later after one vomit on Monday evening. He still was running around, twirling, full of energy.

In addition, I'm angry. I understood and was told that it was like "just falling asleep" and it was NOTHING of the contrary. My Prince did not go from standing with a happy/excited disposition , to buckling under when he was sleepy. I feel like I robbed him of months he could have still had;and therefore begun to understood what was happening. There was no "gentle drifting." It literally was just like he "crashed" and didn't even get to close his eyes. I feel...robbed. And I feel like he was to.

I don't know what exactly I'm feeling, supposed to be feeling, or how I'm supposed to "accept" this. I just know something doesn't feel right...and I'm torn and heartbroken, and...I don't feel like I did the right thing by doing it RIGHT NOW.
I was in a similar position at the end of last yr. I went by the "better a month early, than a day too late", and I am glad that I did not wait.
My passed 14.5 yr old Border Collie had a wonderful (rescued her at 5 yrs old) life and after careful reflection (I have had to do this many times during my life, as my dogs aged); I know that I did the right thing..Just as you have done for your friend.
Best Wishes.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you all for your kind comments. I can certainly see now, that I was at the very raw point when I posted this. It had eased somewhat in the last few days and I'm just now beginning to understand the grief stages and my thoughts and behavior. I am still somewhat flipping between Anger/Guilt, and just feeling pain and loss, but it doesn't feel like it's suffocating me as much now.

My youngest, Eli, who's just entering into full adulthood (Just about to turn 2) was there with us (my mum came with me in support) and it was my first time ever experiencing having to say goodbye. Ori was my first Golden, and my longest, and no one had anyidea just a week ago that we'd be without him now. From an emergency vet trip, at almost midnight, to being told the news less than 24 hours later. The suddenness of it is what is hitting me the most, I think.

His ashes came home to us this morning, I dealt with it better than I was worried I would...but it's a comfort.

We spent last Wednesday evening with him, he had his own pizza for dinner (though it was shared with Eli), and then on Thursday we took him down to the beach one last time, keeping distance of others, of course. But he got himself some steak and we took some wonderful photos of his last day at sunset.
 

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My heart is aching for you and your loss. This decision is just the worst one to have to make. I don't know anyone who didn't feel some regret, hoped to squeeze a few more good days out of a terrible situation. Many years ago I made the same choice for our dachshund, and it wasn't like they said, and I was devastated, and angry with myself and the vet. For a very long time. It's okay. You need to feel what you are feeling. You will be okay. And Ori, please remember the good times, you've had so many. Hugs for you my friend.
 
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