Golden Retriever Dog Forums banner

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi All,

My bf and I (40s aged couple) just got a beautiful Golden who we named Reggie. He is 11 weeks and we've had him for 3 days. He is a very loving, gentle, non-bitey puppy who responds pretty well to our "training voices" so far, which I'm grateful for. We are trying to crate train and I've done tons of research and have had lots of friends tell me what worked for them...but we are really struggling. Reggie absolutely screams and barks and whines and whimpers when in the crate away from us. For the first 2 nights, I slept on the floor beside his crate (which is attached to a play pen for long-term confinement which officially starts tomorrow (i've had 3 days at home with him but have to go back to work). Last night my bf and I decided to let him try to cry himself calm and not go in there or respond no matter what (unless for a pee break). We put him to bed at 10pm with a kong with peanut butter and some soothing music playing beside the crate. He barked and screamed (it sounds like he's being murdered) for 20mins and then slept for 30 and then back to screaming, then a bit of sleeping etc. ...on and on for the whole night. We didn't cave until 3am. I went to take him out for a pee (he didn't go, so i'm guessing he can hold it for the full night...). When I brought him back in, the screaming started again and my bf couldn't stand it anymore and went and got him and brought him to our bed. I wasn't ok with this. I feel like that's asking for trouble and recurring screaming tonight and onward. So I brought him back to his room, put him in the playpen (not the crate) and slept beside him again. he calmed in about 5 minutes and was quiet for the next 2 hours (but of course i didn't sleep a wink).

I'm really worried that if we don't figure this out fast, he's going to have serious separation anxiety as an adult, which I know is sooo difficult to handle. I have heard that bringing a crate into the bedroom works for a lot of young puppies, but I worry that he's still looking to us for comfort. But, we have to do something that works for all three of us and our situation.

Any thoughts on this? (i've heard all the "make the crate a fun place to be" type of advice...and you can only do so much to make it fun in a matter of a day or two when you have to put him in it that night).

Thanks for any help,
Lynn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Welcome and Congratulations on Reggie.

When you go to bed, are you putting Reggie's crate in your room close to your bed?

If you aren't I would, puppies usually do better when they are in the same room with you.
That's what
Welcome and Congratulations on Reggie.

When you go to bed, are you putting Reggie's crate in your room close to your bed?

If you aren't I would, puppies usually do better when they are in the same room with you.
hi there, thanks for your reply. As mentioned (i know it was a long post to get through), that's what I am wondering about trying but am wondering if that's further encouraging him to find comfort outside of himself. I keep hearing to let them cry it out.
 

·
Super Moderator Leader
Joined
·
46,375 Posts
That's what


hi there, thanks for your reply. As mentioned (i know it was a long post to get through), that's what I am wondering about trying but am wondering if that's further encouraging him to find comfort outside of himself. I keep hearing to let them cry it out.
A lot of members have two crates, one for the main living area and one in their bedroom. Place the crate in bedroom close by or next to bed. Goldens want to be with their people........

I think if you bring the crate or get another crate and put it next to your bed, your pup will settle down better and you will get more sleep.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,952 Posts
Take a moment to consider the situation through your puppy's eyes - he was uprooted from all that was safe and comforting for him, removed from the security of his Mom and littermates, and quite rightly so, he is afraid and feeling vulnerable. Dogs are social animals by nature, isolation is not something they naturally take to, they can and do learn, over time to accept it, but a young pup needs and finds security in the company of others.

Have raised a few pups, and fostered a more than a few, keeping them in the bedroom at night has never led to separation issues, quite the opposite, (imo), they feel more secure, safe and are able to rest, and adapt more easily to those times when they must be alone.
I know there are those who think/feel the puppy should 'cry it out', essentially 'give up' calling for 'help' which is very stressful for them, not a good foundation to build a relationship with a pup who is totally dependent on the owner for it's every need - including feeling safe - a sense of security.

More than likely, if you can put him to bed at in your bedroom, you will all get some much needed rest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
152 Posts
Totally agree with the advice you've been given. We also added a Snuggle Puppy with the heartbeat and plugged in the Adaptil Calm home diffuser (like you see at the vets to help relax) in the bedroom. All in all, our bedroom was a happy place for our dogs when they were puppies. Everyone slept better :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
61 Posts
All of the above! Also you could do what I've done with my three puppies. It worked for all of them! I take little training treats and I throw in one at a time into the crate while saying the word Boop each time I do. It lets them know that it is getting ready to be bedtime or nap time. Once I throw the treats then I'll say let's go bed bed! The dog will go in. If he does not you can gently push him in so that he can smell the treats and want to go in. As he does, gently close the door behind him and walk away. I keep my puppies crate in the living room so they can be around us all the time. The only difference is at night I make it a point to say goodnight to them and that I will see them in the morning and then I go in my bedroom and shut the door. This is a visual cue along with the lights going out that it is time for a long sleep. I will sometimes do this during their nap times if I am at home and want some time to myself. All this being said it did take a few days for the newest puppy to get used to the routine. However I did not budge at all. If the puppy cries or wines I simply ignore him if I know that he has been let out and fed and has everything he needs. The barking and whining will continue as long as he gets a response. Over about three days or so we noticed less and less whiny. By a week there was no more whining at all. Routine and consistency is key!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
731 Posts
You can also get a soft hot water bottle (hard to find these days) and put WARM, not hot water in it. Wrap it in a large soft towel, and put it into the crate at bedtime. I have added a tic-toc clock OUTSIDE the crate as well, but that may keep you up.
Good luck..it will get better.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,662 Posts
Take a moment to consider the situation through your puppy's eyes - he was uprooted from all that was safe and comforting for him, removed from the security of his Mom and littermates, and quite rightly so, he is afraid and feeling vulnerable. Dogs are social animals by nature, isolation is not something they naturally take to, they can and do learn, over time to accept it, but a young pup needs and finds security in the company of others.

Have raised a few pups, and fostered a more than a few, keeping them in the bedroom at night has never led to separation issues, quite the opposite, (imo), they feel more secure, safe and are able to rest, and adapt more easily to those times when they must be alone.
I know there are those who think/feel the puppy should 'cry it out', essentially 'give up' calling for 'help' which is very stressful for them, not a good foundation to build a relationship with a pup who is totally dependent on the owner for it's every need - including feeling safe - a sense of security.

More than likely, if you can put him to bed at in your bedroom, you will all get some much needed rest.
This, 100%. Bring the pup into your room, have him sleep in a crate next to your bed, and you will all be much happier.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
485 Posts
I slept next to the crate the first couple of weeks the puppy was here. The first night was awful. I moved her right next to me using my voice and fingers to calm her. I also took her out every couple of hours the first few nights. It worked. Friday will be 4 weeks having her her. She’s taken to the crate nicely. Both inside and in the car. The crate is in my bedroom but no longer next to my bed. Your bed will be a bad move now. All my dogs have slept in my bed but not until they are crate trained and trustworthy. 5-7 months depending on the pup. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,915 Posts
Put the crate by your bed. If you have taken him to potty and you know he is just throwing a fit, cover it with a sheet or towel. Maybe put your hand on it and tap til he goes to sleep.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
259 Posts
We have a 11 week old Golden, and he slept through the first night this week! That's a big milestone for us...! Like human babies, they cannot control their bladders until they mature. Since you cannot put a new diaper on the pup, you have to get up (just like babies) and take them out. The kennel should be just large enough to allow the puppy to circle and lay down. If you have a large kennel or the dog has access to a pen at night, he will learn to go pee and #2 inside your house. The crate training is all based on the fact that dogs, given a choice, will not mess where they sleep.

Like your our pup, was very vocal when first put to bed in the kennel, that was in our bedroom and covered. We let him scream for a while then I got up and lightly shook his kennel commanding him to be "quite". From then on I would let him bark a bit more, I would say firmly "quite". Then if he went on for a while more, I again, shook his kennel telling him "quite"! After that he was quite for 2 hours. When I heard him moving around I got up and took him out to pee! Then back to the kennel. He barked once, I shook the kennel saying quite...he stopped and back to sleep. This continue every 2-3 hours. My wife and I took turns. This continued until this week when he slept from 11pm to 7am!
Our Golden before this new one took much longer to get to where she did not have to go out every 2-3 hours...but in time she finally slept through the night. One other comment, no water after 8pm...

Good Luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,212 Posts
I have an 11.5 week old puppy. I got him at eight weeks. I put his crate by my bed on my side about three feet away from my head. The first night he was up a few times and I took him out because I knew he was making a big adjustment. He's slept through the night since. I play meditation music very low via Alexa. It cuts off after an hour. I do take his water up a couple of hours before he goes to bed. I think he will calm down if he's in the room with you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
Hi everyone,

Thank you all for the advice. originally, my heart wanted to keep a crate in the bedroom because I was thinking from his little frightened perspective. I wanted to comfort him and build trust and comfort in his new home. But the reading I was doing (and really, there are so many varying opinions so it's so hard to know what to do), having the crate in the bedroom can promote separation anxiety which I know is super hard to treat once they become adults.
But, I decided after reading the advice here and from my friend's recent experience, to get a second crate for the bedroom. Reggie instantly took to it. The second I put it in there, he went right in and laid down (wasn't even bed time!) and put his head down. That night, he went right in at bedtime and slept through the whole night. I woke up a few times and he was right out. I got up to use the washroom and figured I would bring him out if he woke up or stood up or whimpered or anything at all, but he didn't (i'm sure he was exhausted from the last few days as well). He has slept three nights now in the crate without any need to go to the bathroom. I do take most water away 2 hours before bedtime, but leave a little in there so that he's not completely dry. This has absolutely worked wonders!! Thank you all again!

And now for the next problem...my partner and I both work during the day. The original plan was for my bf to bring Reggie to work and stay in a crate in the trailer that's assigned to my bf. But a few days before we got Reggie, we found out that the trailer was now going to be used for meetings, so this option was now out. So we have set up a long-term confinement space in my office. A crate attached to the play pen...set up with puppy pads (which i've taped to the floor so he doesn't chew them up), a place to stretch out and a place to sleep. But, he was able to get out of the play pen because it wasn't super secure. We stabilized and anchored it, but still he was able to get out. So today is a trial with free reign of the office space which I've puppy proofed, but I'm just not sure what I'll be coming home to. I don't have anyone that can come in during the day and i'm hesitant to crate him with no access to the puppy pads. I see that he can hold his bladder for almost 8 hours at night, but I know it's a bit different during the day. Also, it just feels cruel to crate him all day. I know I could pay someone to come and take him out and it might come to that, but I'm trying not to add the extra expense which will be a bit tight for us.

Any thoughts on this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
Also, I will add that I'm feeling pretty hopeless with all this in some moments. I was reading about the Puppy Blues and it seems to be what I"m experiencing. As much as I love the little fella, there are so many moments when i feel like I've made a huge mistake and feel overwhelmed with all the ways this takes up every part of me and I get so little in return at this stage because no real attachment is formed. I notice I feel a little resentful of things...like he smells like a dog (not sure how often to bathe but I don't think he's ever had a bath so i'm going to give him one this weekend), he's peeing in the house minutes after going outside, he's not listening...all the normal puppy things, but it seems to upset me in ways that I didn't expect it to. Just venting here...i'm wondering if any of you have gone through this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
731 Posts
Also, I will add that I'm feeling pretty hopeless with all this in some moments. I was reading about the Puppy Blues and it seems to be what I"m experiencing. As much as I love the little fella, there are so many moments when i feel like I've made a huge mistake and feel overwhelmed with all the ways this takes up every part of me and I get so little in return at this stage because no real attachment is formed. I notice I feel a little resentful of things...like he smells like a dog (not sure how often to bathe but I don't think he's ever had a bath so i'm going to give him one this weekend), he's peeing in the house minutes after going outside, he's not listening...all the normal puppy things, but it seems to upset me in ways that I didn't expect it to. Just venting here...i'm wondering if any of you have gone through this.
I have been thru pretty much what you're experiencing, but 8 times. It is frustrating, but that's what puppies do. It takes some time, but you will all bond with each other and be the better for it.
Sorry can't help with the office situation.
Young puppies eat, play, pee and poop..and then fall asleep, only to repeat again. Each week will bring improvements and your love will grow..promise!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
I have been thru pretty much what you're experiencing, but 8 times. It is frustrating, but that's what puppies do. It takes some time, but you will all bond with each other and be the better for it.
Sorry can't help with the office situation.
Young puppies eat, play, pee and poop..and then fall asleep, only to repeat again. Each week will bring improvements and your love will grow..promise!
Thank you Jeff. I keep telling myself that. I am a true animal lover and am determined to be the best puppy parent I can be, but I'm craving that bond so much and I know once I have it, none of the other stuff will matter (when I had my cat, who passed away in November at age 15, I loved him more than anything in the world...there is nothing that he could that would ever upset me or change my love for him no matter how gross or bad or expensive). I just want to get to that place with Reggie who I know is going to be a really wonderful companion. He is so gentle and so sweet.
I was having a bit of a meltdown 2 days ago after 3 nights with no sleep. I started crying and he LEAPED up onto the couch (a task he had not been able to do on his own before this), jumped into my lap, put his paws on my shoulders, kissed my face and nuzzled his sweet little face into my neck. I do have the feeling we are truly going to love each other one day.

Thank you for the continued support. Just chatting things out with people who have been in similar situations is helpful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
259 Posts
I think most of us have been their, done that! Most things in life worth doing, are difficult.

Daytime care for the pup... Leaving a pup, in a crate for 6-8 hours (except at night) is not good for the puppy for a host of reasons. You need to find a solution that will be good for the dog. Many vets and/or dog kennels offer daytime care. The good ones have an environment that allows the dog to play, run outside, and socialize with other dogs, during the day. Don't take him somewhere that will only put him in the crate for the day, that would be a waste of money. Aside from that finding someone who will come into your place every 2-3 hours and take him outside and then play and train with him for a few minutes (local college kids, or retired people). This is not ideal, but it is better than leaving him in the crate.

We tried to use a 48" high play pin with the crate inside on are last Golden. We also taped all the pee pads to the floor. What we learned is dogs love tearing up paper, even when taped down and probably eating some of it! Not Good! And how can you house break a pup when you show him that peeing in the house is ok? Not Good! Finally, we learned that our pup at around 11 weeks could get out of the pen. He would jump up on the top of her kennel then jump over the fence...no problem, except she pee'd and poo'd all over the house....and what did our pup learn? That it was ok to pee and poo in the house. House breaking this pup took forever....it was on us!

The crate is a tool that we use to house break a pup. If the crate is the right size, the pup cannot find a place to pee in the crate, without peeing where he sleeps and dogs usually will not pee where they laydown to sleep. Knowing this our pup is in the crate day and night unless someone is with him, usually attached to a lead. When he convinces us that he will no do it in the house and let us know when he wants out, is will be a confined or controlled pup. If you do a daycare center or hire someone for the day time, they too must follow this training routine. In that way the pup will learn fast and then not mess in the house. Once the pup has earned your trust on not messing in the house and not being destructive when left alone, then you can leave him in the house, and he may adapt to not having anyone home during the day, but not all dogs will adapt! They get bored and start destroying furniture, rugs, etc.

Just like kids they do best when they are an active part of your pack! This is a temporary problem, so you only have to find a temporary solution....

Good Luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Hi there...I agree that doggy daycare would be the most ideal. Unfortunately I don't see that as a viable financial option. I really have no idea how much it is, but it's not likely going to work.
You mention "Leaving a pup, in a crate for 6-8 hours (except at night) is not good for the puppy for a host of reasons", but then later say "Knowing this our pup is in the crate day and night unless someone is with him, usually attached to a lead"... so i'm a bit confused.
I agree that letting him pee on pee pads or in the room on the floor or whatever (if he doesn't go on the pee pads) is going to make house training long and difficult, but i was hesitant to leave him in the crate all day to train him. I'm thinking if I go home tonight and the place is a mess and he's eaten puppy pads etc, then I will crate him for the day until he becomes trained and then give him more access to the house down the road. I have to believe that many dogs are left alone during the day...I know it's not ideal but I think it happens a lot and the dogs are ok. Down the road things will change as we will be moving and potentially have other solutions but for now we're just trying to get through this first few months.
I am not completely convinced that we can make this work or are in the right situation to make this work for him. I'm hopeful that it will all be ok but I do believe sometimes people don't know if something will work until they try. I'm really not sure what to do.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top