I lost my dog (not a Golden) on Thursday the 15th. He had Cutaneous Lymphoma, a rare malignant cancer which has a poor prognosis even with aggressive treatment. I decided against aggressive treatment to buy him time (he was diagnosed one day after his 13th birthday), due to age, travel time, and his recent blood screening that showed suspicious liver enzymes. He developed the tell tale open sores, and started losing hair. We opted to try palliative type care with some other alternative type treatments, and he went into partial remission over the summer. The sores healed over with healthy skin and his hair grew back in. He was still doing mini backyard agility courses (rather slowly, with low jumps and an A-frame with barely an incline). He was loving his life, engaging with me, and interacting with the other dog and cats. Bright eyed. Happy. Demanding his nightly bully stick or kong (or, as he often got, both.) We were over the moon.
In late August, he began losing weight despite eating 3 large meals a day and snacks. He stopped engaging as much and his gait started to be off. His right rear leg would occasionally stretched straight out behind him and he would lose balance. A few times he fell completely over. He continued to lose weight. Vet looked at him on a Friday. Heart didn't sound good. Fluid in the lungs. Vet noticed his breathing wasn't right. We discussed QOL and I couldn't do anything because he was still eating. I took him home, and he did OK over the weekend but I started taking his RRR. It was high, in the 40's. I monitored him. A few nights later, I checked him at 1:00AM and his breathing looked semi normal so I layed down and dozed on the couch. I woke up 45 minutes later to what I thought was a seizure, but I think now was syncope. He wasn't "out of it" but was struggling to get up, couldn't walk right, was breathing VERY loudly (panting/raspy) and wouldn't settle. I'm really disturbed by the fact there are NO vets who do emergency care around here, so I called my vet (it was almost 2AM, and she's a one person clinic) and she answered on the second ring and talked me through it. He settled and slept soundly all night, and I slept on the floor with him. The next day he wasn't quite right. Breathing was not good, and he wasn't eating as well. The day after that, I hated even taking him outside because I guess I stopped thinking something was going to fall out of the ceiling and cure him and I saw how bad he was. He was so skinny, so frail, and taking 5-6 steps made him stop and his sides were heaving. I heard gurgling in his lungs. He wouldn't drink on his own at all. He refused all food. I called the vet and she came to the house. By the time she arrived, his breathing had worsened and he was rattling and choking. He was drowning in his own fluid and there was no getting around the inevitable. I knew I'd waited too long, and was almost delirious from lack of sleep when the vet walked in and I knew my dog had minutes to live. Minutes seemed like too little time, but in the shape he was in, it seemed like too much. He was, in many ways, the dog I've shared the closest bond with in my entire life. I was a mess.
One one hand, I read once that (on the subject of euthanasia) when you make that decision, you need to realize that the life your pet loved is over and you're only ending the suffering that remains. But again, when he went into partial remission I felt like maybe we were onto something that could help other dogs with this cancer, and people for that matter because it's not well understood. I felt like I'd let my dog down by not being able to help him, and all the others that will unfortunately be diagnosed with this disease down too. I held onto the idea we were going to save him, and help others some day and unfortunately, that didn't happen. My own **** stubbornness played a role.
In the past year I've lost 3 to cancer. I'm so sick of cancer.
In late August, he began losing weight despite eating 3 large meals a day and snacks. He stopped engaging as much and his gait started to be off. His right rear leg would occasionally stretched straight out behind him and he would lose balance. A few times he fell completely over. He continued to lose weight. Vet looked at him on a Friday. Heart didn't sound good. Fluid in the lungs. Vet noticed his breathing wasn't right. We discussed QOL and I couldn't do anything because he was still eating. I took him home, and he did OK over the weekend but I started taking his RRR. It was high, in the 40's. I monitored him. A few nights later, I checked him at 1:00AM and his breathing looked semi normal so I layed down and dozed on the couch. I woke up 45 minutes later to what I thought was a seizure, but I think now was syncope. He wasn't "out of it" but was struggling to get up, couldn't walk right, was breathing VERY loudly (panting/raspy) and wouldn't settle. I'm really disturbed by the fact there are NO vets who do emergency care around here, so I called my vet (it was almost 2AM, and she's a one person clinic) and she answered on the second ring and talked me through it. He settled and slept soundly all night, and I slept on the floor with him. The next day he wasn't quite right. Breathing was not good, and he wasn't eating as well. The day after that, I hated even taking him outside because I guess I stopped thinking something was going to fall out of the ceiling and cure him and I saw how bad he was. He was so skinny, so frail, and taking 5-6 steps made him stop and his sides were heaving. I heard gurgling in his lungs. He wouldn't drink on his own at all. He refused all food. I called the vet and she came to the house. By the time she arrived, his breathing had worsened and he was rattling and choking. He was drowning in his own fluid and there was no getting around the inevitable. I knew I'd waited too long, and was almost delirious from lack of sleep when the vet walked in and I knew my dog had minutes to live. Minutes seemed like too little time, but in the shape he was in, it seemed like too much. He was, in many ways, the dog I've shared the closest bond with in my entire life. I was a mess.
One one hand, I read once that (on the subject of euthanasia) when you make that decision, you need to realize that the life your pet loved is over and you're only ending the suffering that remains. But again, when he went into partial remission I felt like maybe we were onto something that could help other dogs with this cancer, and people for that matter because it's not well understood. I felt like I'd let my dog down by not being able to help him, and all the others that will unfortunately be diagnosed with this disease down too. I held onto the idea we were going to save him, and help others some day and unfortunately, that didn't happen. My own **** stubbornness played a role.
In the past year I've lost 3 to cancer. I'm so sick of cancer.
