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I still love 'm, but...(read at own risk)

2077 Views 41 Replies 40 Participants Last post by  sammydog
Now they've really done it. :doh:

Oh my. I still gag thinking about it and I have the bucket right here next to my chair, just in case...:curtain:

so Mama took Garp and Pud for a romp on the tundra. While Mama plays frisbee w. Pud, Garp is garping around, like he does, and stops to eat or lick or investigate on the ground. No big deal, possibly some muskox poop or a bone or whatnot.:gotme:

So the Pud gets interested in what Garp has and joins him to investigate. Mama goes over there to have a look. :curtain:

The horror will be with me for the rest of my life. :yuck: Mama stood there for a whole minute not comprehending what she saw. Garp was enjoying what was clearly a specimen of a male human undergarment, filled with about half a gallon of....oh no...


....uuuugh, pardon me, I had to be excused for a second...I cannot say it....but let me just put it this way: I'm a biologist; I've cleaned up the poop of many a species from newts to muskoxen, wiped their little butts and shoveled their little turds out of their pens, but there's something about the liquefied excreta of your OWN species that is just....oh dear...


...okay, I'm back. It had chunks in it, too..:yuck:..and Garp had been eating it for, like, 5 minutes!! And now the Pud was fetching it from him and was making off with it across the tundra - oh, the prize! :yipee: She was soo proud, tail high in the air like a flag pole - yum! :crazy: Doesn't this child receive 2 square, delicious, specially prepared, nutritionally balanced meals a day? :no: Hell, no, she has to "supplement" with...:vomit: ... I can't say it...

So what to do? Mama's first impulse was to put the two of them in a box and mail them to China. :banghead: Of course, that would be very rude to the Chinese.

So Mama threw them in the back of the car, drove them home (feeling the whole time the distinct presence of an uninvited fourth person in the car :yuck:)and tied them up in the yard till she had a bucket of hot soapy water, some rubber gloves, and her rain gear on, and then they endured w. great stoic dignity (where was that dignity out there on the tundra, huh? Huh, children?!:confused:) while Mama gave them, their feet, necks, and mouth a thorough scrubbing, involving an old toothbrush and several rags which went straight to the trash afterwards.

Now you may wonder how such a nefarious illegal item came to be found on the pristine Arctic tundra. :gotme: This question shall forever remain unanswered, although several hypotheses are possible given the following piece of information:

Nome has been described as a "drinking town w. a fishing problem", and it's not unusual to encounter well hydrated individuals wandering from the downtown watering holes :bowl: until they find themselves on the frozen tundra miles from the nearest public toilet.

And that's all that shall be said about that.
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Oh my goodness... you probably won't look at them the same for a while!

Be glad that they didn't try to give you big old slurpy kisses while you dried them after their bath. I happen to know Danny eats vile things (though not that vile!) when we are at the lake and then tries to lay a big old wet one on me while I am drying him off. At least Jasper has a bit of control and just lets me dry him unmolested.
Ewwww, Ewww but I feel kinda sorry for the freezing guy with diarrhea, maybe IBS. Take a bag bud. Pudden's mom, you are funny!
ewwww, ewww but i feel kinda sorry for the freezing guy with diarrhea, maybe ibs. Take a bag bud. Pudden's mom, you are funny!
I've heard some species consider it a delicacy. :p: You will never consider the puppy kisses the same ever again.

I remember stopping to give one of my previous dogs a rest break on a long ride in the middle of winter. I let her loose to get busy and she came back to the truck and jumped right into the passenger seat. I hopped in and in a split second I realized she had rolled in human poo! Being winter I could only roll the windows down a bit without freezing. It was a very LONG ride home.
Oh, that was just well.....YUCKY! After I started reading, I had to stop and re-read it out loud to DH. He too, was laughing about as hard as I was sorry, not funny, not funny, oh who am I trying to kid, that was flipping hilarious!
Poor Mom!!!!! gross!!! What no pictures of the feast. If I haven't said it before...I love your stories.
Nasty!! Just plain NASTY!!
:--keep_silent::yuck: UGH EWWWWWWWWW thats all I can say.....except, Im not sure their kisses will ever be the same......YUCK! :help!:
It sounds to me like I have been missing out. I didn't know you wrote stories. I really liked this one though. Not that the subject matter was all that great, but you sure do tell a good story:)
oh nooooooo.
What is there to say ... really.....????:vomit:
Oh, who is Garp????
I am eating dinner and unfortunately stumbled upon this thread, completely ignoring the disclaimer in the title :doh: :doh: :uhoh: Suddenly I'm full. :yuck:

Poor Pudden's mama!!!
I take back the post that I made where I said that I should read your stories before bedtime... :yuck:

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I just about spit my coffee all over the keyboard.

I bet your guys couldn't understand all the fuss. I guess you aren't accepting dog kisses for awhile. :yuck:
i am gagging!!!Ewwwwww!
Oh Garp! Oh Pud!! Poor Momma!!

What a nasty NASTY event!!
Sooooo gross! I cannot even imagine having to deal with that.
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