Golden Retriever Dog Forums banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Kye & Coops Mom
Joined
·
4,466 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Needed but not talked about??

My work has brought in all new people after our GM retired 1 1/2 yrs ago by some good folks. I made the cut thankfully and mostly their own people brought in. We were relocated to a different building and turned into a total accounting office. Total silence since our work loads are heavy. Problem is during all this, I must have missed/lost something? Our office has always been one of laughter and very long hours/lots of work. Now I work with very hard working young women, very talented but they have gotten a close bond with each other and their familys socialize together after hours, to which I am not invited - ever. My life is so different we have nothing in common. The age difference could be part of it, but I am outgoing and fun, it is more like I am from a time they cannot conceive. That we get up so early, do so much with the dogs, this is foreign to them. None have children, only one has a pet. Their conversations are all about shopping and brand names. I must confess I honestly don't know this and can't join in. I buy when I need, look for sales everywhere and couldn't tell you a brand name of my clothes if you offered me a million dollars! I am not one to talk of family, grandkids and frankly they aren't interested since they cannot relate. They are not excited about dog shows, barrel races, agility. Again nothing that makes my heart sing.

I am trying to learn, to remember what they talk of so can join in, but honestly I spend my days in my office pouring over ledgers. Crappy!

When did I leave the "in" generation? Sometimes I catch myself doing things I wouldn't to try to make them more comfortable and get them talking, but not working. They are very close now and crappy that I must spend 10 hours a day with an office where I am an outsider. Honestly makes me yearn for the time I can retire.

I am not griping about having a job, I feel blessed. Just a bit down because I am excluded. They handle it by just not speaking. Feel like a kid whinning cause the kids at school don't like me! Ha - really not this but miss the "family" we had and can't figure a way to help the girls know me better, to give me a chance to be their friend.

Must add, I am the only accounting employee that was retained. Been there almost 20 yrs. Know they need me, and they know that I know. Makes an even bigger transision for the new ones. I work hard not to tell them what to do, but if asked I offer the best suggestion I can. It is their final decision. Know they wish I had been laid-off with the rest, but they are dealing with me the best they can. Crappy situation and must endure for the next couple of years.

Any help out there to make it easier to gain their friendship in some measure too?
 

·
Dakota Katie River's Mom
Joined
·
1,684 Posts
Years ago I was in the opposite situation, I was 21 and they were all close to or over 50. They had worked together for years and years. They talked about past people, kids and grandkids. It was also an accounting office. One Sunday my roommate and I planned a party and cooked, but a car accident with a friend stopped it from happening. I took the food into work on Monday. That lunch was the first time they actually talked with me. Eventually we started doing potlucks for Monday lunches, sometimes just leftovers or sometimes cooking special for it. While I never became 'one of them', they started to include me more, asking about my weekends, sharing pictures and stories of their families with me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,628 Posts
I can feel your pain!

I worked at different jobs pretty much all my life, the last ones before this were in the financial field, either banking or mortgages. I was working in subprime mortgages when the whole financial crisis hit and 100s of mortgage companies were folding.

It just so happened, my dad's company was looking for someone to take over the circulation/customer service department. They had just laid off all but one person and she decided that she didn't want to take on the workload involved and quit.

It took easily 2 years for most of the employees to accept me. I don't expect any special treatment and I work hard. I get to work early every morning and don't take advantage of the fact that I am the owner's daughter. There were many employees who expected me to be very difficult to work with (long story short, my sister was working here when I started and she would come in 2 1/2 hours late every single day and leave 2 hours early, she was a supervisor who verbally abused her employees), so I had to work extra hard to show that I wasn't what they were expecting.

Even then, there were some long term employees who ran to my supervisor with made up stories about how I wasn't doing my job (which I could prove I was doing), one in particular hated me from day one. She's since passed away from cancer. As bad as it is to say, once she stopped working here, most of the nastiness went away.

I still don't have any "friends" here that I would get together with outside of the office, but I do have coworkers that I enjoy chatting with and who enjoy chatting with me.

All I can say is, if you have time to chat with them and ask them about things that interest them, it may help break the ice. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
299 Posts
I sure feel your pain and I would imagine I should be part of the "in" crowd being in my late 20s. There are a lot of women at my office just as you described and I really don't fit in. I'm not into the brand names or going out. I was actually dating a man who told me now that I've moved to a big city where people care about all that stuff that I had to buy a purse from somewhere other than walmart! My interests make it really hard to relate to the women I work with. I've started eating lunch with a big group of them and I've found even though we all seem very different there are similarities to be had. I do better if I'm out on the edge of the group chatting with 1 or 2 people. You'd be surprised at what people are into once you really start talking with them. For me I just like to talk to people for a bit just to break up my day a little.

Some advice from my current boyfriend- Ask people questions about themselves! Most people really like to talk about themselves and hopefully you can find a common interest to keep the conversation going.
 

·
Kye & Coops Mom
Joined
·
4,466 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thank you both, and I too get here almost 1 1/2 hrs early each day and work many weekends, which they dont. I do things these poor ones don't even know needs to be done but OK and want the work to be done.

Hard to think of things that they like, they are very young 22, 25, 32 & our Off Mgr is almost 40. Honestly shopping is the topic and since it is hard to admire a pair of $300 shoes they got for $200! Can't imagine..right now they are all buying a certain brand of clothes and this is all they talk about. I would love to spend hundreds on clothes, but honestly think more about how much it will cost getting 7 dogs in for well-checkups and shots! Just not a lot in common!

I try to keep what is real and important to me up front. Fostermom, I worked for my Dad for a few years back in the 60's. Hardest job I ever did cause I too felt the pressure to prove my worth. About killed myself, and was glad when the business grew and I could train another. That is really hard, cause think people expect you to fail, to be a non worker. Not true! I worked twice as hard.
 

·
Kate
Joined
·
21,677 Posts
Things work out. Be friendly. Make your own style of happy at work.

Learn their names. Talk about whatever (compliment clothes and hair, ask questions, encourage them to talk about themselves) when you bump elbows or share space with anyone. Don't pressure yourself or them to become BFF's.

Be casual. Sometimes when really outgoing people are too pushy, it can be counter-productive. Like "Oh no, soandso is coming and is going to be leaning up against my desk making me uncomfortable by telling me tmi stuff and not going away for forever".

I have to laugh here, because we have a few new people. One guy is an outsider... and part of the reason why is because he keeps to himself. Even in his office which has at least 5 guys in there at their desks. They are all chattering through the day, and he's scrunched up at his desk and focused on his work. That may change as he gets more comfortable, but it can be awkward if you say "hi" to him and he says "hi" and keeps going. o__O

On the other side of things, our new sales guy is this short little guy who is always smiling and laughing and... it can be a little bit aack if it's really early and you aren't ready for him yet. :)

But anyway. Don't stress. Things will work out.
 

·
Nancy
Joined
·
7,493 Posts
I can't offer a solution, just a cyber hug. I worked in the restaurant industry for 10 years (I was between around 45-55 y.o.) Most of the people I worked with were young enough to be my children or grandchildren including the GM. Lucky for me though it wasn't an office environment and was easier since I worked with the public and didn't experience a lack of mature conversation. But there was a definite division between the age groups when it came to conversation, work ethic, work clothes etc.
 

·
Beware of Nestle Purina
Joined
·
5,715 Posts
I fell your pain, too. I am the only person who is single and without human kids. Most are married with or without kids. If they are without kids they are trying to get pregnant or adopt. Some are divorce but have kids.

I will ask about their kids to be friendly but truthfully I really don't care. They never ask abut me other than to ask if I'm seeing anyone or to say I don't need a DH to have a baby.

I'm only 27 hearing if from my mom is bad enough. I don't need it at work too.

They will ask me about cats and dogs but I do give honest and truthful info. to answer their questions. Not always popular.
 

·
Beware of Nestle Purina
Joined
·
5,715 Posts
I jokingly will say "I go to work for my pets not for myself" but it is true. Deber is sounds like you operate in a similar way. I don't get spending all that money on shoes.
 

·
Kye & Coops Mom
Joined
·
4,466 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Hey, but I am true to myself! In my office, one wall is pictures I print out and tape to my wall of grandkids fishing, grand-dog Charlie (golden) and Rodeo pictures of family. Other big wall is taped pictures of my 2 little kids, Biewer Yorkies, who have had such a tremendous showing year this year and pictures of my goldens & yorks. Probably tacky, but what brings me joy to sit and look at.

Think one of the biggest gaps in any possible relationship is that the girls can't comprehend my families love of the outdoors, our joy in our dogs and the truth that the walls of my office during the week seem to close in on me until the weekend and I can run from the city to our country place. Malls, who J-Lo is dating and if Lindsey Lohan will make a good Elizabeth Taylor bore the pants off me! And I see nothing wrong with getting dirty out in the great outdoors. This is something they will just not put up with. One went skiing last week, she complained she found a bug outside her door of the cabin they rented and wouldn't leave until her Mother removed it. She complained to the Manager!!!??? Haaa!

So it is possible I they are as weird as they think "I" am! Just odd to me to say nothing to anyone all day, each week except the "Goodmorning".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,628 Posts
I agree with Megora. Even if you don't spend $200 on shoes, if you can find something to compliment about the shoes or outfits that they are wearing, it should help warm them up to you.

My first work friends here were animal owners. They would come to me with questions. I also was bringing a dog to work with me most Friday afternoons when just us peons were working. Almost everyone was delighted to see them (those that weren't, I'd keep the dog away from).

The folks that weren't dog people tended to be shoppers who wore nice clothes and jewelry. I could always find something to compliment, even if it was to say "I love the color of your shoes!".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,628 Posts
Hey, but I am true to myself! In my office, one wall is pictures I print out and tape to my wall of grandkids fishing, grand-dog Charlie (golden) and Rodeo pictures of family. Other big wall is taped pictures of my 2 little kids, Biewer Yorkies, who have had such a tremendous showing year this year and pictures of my goldens & yorks. Probably tacky, but what brings me joy to sit and look at.
I had to laugh at this. Here is a picture of the bulletin board above my desk:



Plus I have framed pictures of the dogs on both bookcases in my office. They make me happy to look at them.
 

·
Kye & Coops Mom
Joined
·
4,466 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
FostersMom, yep looks like you and I could be sisters! Your bulletin board looks a lot like my walls! Yea for Dog People!
I do really work hard at saying nice things to them and we are very nice to each other, just nothing there. Like 4 strangers who just happen to work 12 months of the year and within 50 feet of each other, but strangers still. I smile a lot, and I envy their clothes closets!

Promise to work a bit harder on this as honestly most people like me! Guess I will turn my radio up more and play 60's, 70's & 80's music which they HATE and I love!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,140 Posts
I fell your pain, too. I am the only person who is single and without human kids.
Think one of the biggest gaps in any possible relationship is that the girls can't comprehend my families love of the outdoors, our joy in our dogs and the truth that the walls of my office during the week seem to close in on me until the weekend and I can run from the city to our country place. Malls, who J-Lo is dating and if Lindsey Lohan will make a good Elizabeth Taylor bore the pants off me! And I see nothing wrong with getting dirty out in the great outdoors.
I can relate to both of these scenarios. In a previous job, I was exactly this person, and I stuck out like a sore thumb. There wasn't so much an age gap, but a total disconnect in every other respect. My colleagues were all married and starting families, while my marriage had just ended, no kids, and I was hurt so badly I wouldn't date if you paid me. Add the fact that my coworkers were all very urban types, while I spent every free moment diving, hiking, etc. They spent their vacations in Las Vegas or at Disneyland, I went camping somewhere in the bush. You get the picture - not a lot of common ground.

It was difficult getting through the days. I did pretty much what Kate suggested and it helped a bit, but in the end, I resigned myself to the fact that we were just from different planets. I remained friendly, but I gave up trying to find an "in" with them and did things to please myself. Not an ideal working environment, but tolerable.

I hope you find a way to connect with your coworkers on some level.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,422 Posts
Years ago I was in the opposite situation, I was 21 and they were all close to or over 50. They had worked together for years and years. They talked about past people, kids and grandkids. It was also an accounting office. One Sunday my roommate and I planned a party and cooked, but a car accident with a friend stopped it from happening. I took the food into work on Monday. That lunch was the first time they actually talked with me. Eventually we started doing potlucks for Monday lunches, sometimes just leftovers or sometimes cooking special for it. While I never became 'one of them', they started to include me more, asking about my weekends, sharing pictures and stories of their families with me.
This is exactly what I was going to suggest! :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: Deber

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,299 Posts
Deber, do you have to work those long hours? I am in a place where people come and go; many of them young, brilliant 20 and 30s people just starting their lives with husbands, new kids. They are doctors, researchers and I'm the 50 year old lady who keeps their computers running. I learned a long time ago to make my own friends...stay in touch with the ones that left who I did get along with, go have lunches with them. More importantly, I have a life outside of work and that is what is important to me. Are you working these long hours because you have to, the work load is so much, you are now expected to or because you want to be there?

You should start looking forward to retirement (I don't know your age) but in the sense of making a life outside of work, working on your social network of friends outside of the office. Make a point to hang with some of those workers you were friends with who got laid off and pursue a friendship. Try and shorten those hours. Then just digging in to the work 'at work' won't be so bad. Give it more time as well. Good luck to you; I know it is hard. K
 
  • Like
Reactions: Deber

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,753 Posts
Wow, this thread is really bringing up some memories for me.

I want to thank my mom and dad for teaching me to respect my elders. This really helped when I was the young kid at work. I'm sure I said a lot of silly things but I listened a lot and found some great mentors who helped me shape my ideas about work and life. Deber, you have a great opportunity here to help bring those two young girls along. :) I can relate to their not being very interested in your life in the outdoors, for example - didn't have much of an interest myself when I was in my early twenties but you'd be amazed at how much information I unknowingly absorbed and was able to use once I did take an interest in these things. How about if you take the lead here? Go for a coffee run, invite them to lunch, start talking about current events, movies you just saw, restaurants you like, etc., and most importantly, open yourself up. Younger folks can teach us a few things too.

Now, I'm on the other side of the coin - the older one. I worked in advertising for a long while there and it was full of young people and lots of partying. You couldn't get away from it because there was always an event that needed attending. I'd be getting ready to go home afterwards and my co-workers were just getting started. Just as my older co-workers taught me things my younger ones did too - most importantly that it isn't a hangover but the wine flu - just kidding. :)

There is common ground there and I hope you find it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Deber
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top