Golden Retriever Dog Forums banner

1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Loving goldens since '95
Joined
·
7,004 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I just got this in an e-mail today and it made me laugh, hope you enjoy!



How to Give a Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat ' s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process..

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws Ignore low growls emitted by cat.. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat ' s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse ' s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour' s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little ****'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.
 

·
Lubbin mi prends!
Joined
·
9,165 Posts
How funny - sitting here and laughing out loud while reading! This is so our cat !!
 

Attachments

·
Official Trout Bum
Joined
·
4,216 Posts
That was GREAT!!! I'm still laughing...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
547 Posts
Oh my. Lmao. That's my cats ALL over. I wonder how vets do that stuff sometimes and not have their eyes scratched out. With Ori, I just drop the little pills in his food if he won't immediately take them, they're gone in five minutes. If I'm lucky, he'll eat it like it's a treat anyway, no bacon needed. :)

Thanks for posting this! I love it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,925 Posts
I did a search for "pill a cat" here and this popped up. I don't make it a habit to bump old posts but this made me laugh. My neighbors have 3 cats I have taken care of many times before.

Now they are going away again and mentioned 1 cat now needs a pill twice a day. Practically quoted me #1. Yea right, not gonna happen. No way I can guarantee the cat is going to get it's pill. It hides from me to begin with and will be boarded for someone else to have the joy of doing it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
Haha too funny!

I had to give a old cat we used to have benadryl
I of course had the brains to give it in liquid form because I knew she'd never ever ever swallow a pill and I rather like my hands.

I'd wrap her up very tightly in a towel with just her head showing
and then I'd use a Kids liquid medicine dropper and got as far down her throat as I could and squirted it.
Sometimes it took 2 applications(occasionally 3) to get the required dose down

Interesting fact- benadryl(both pill and liquid form) reacts with the saliva in a cat's mouth, causing them to foam a amusing amount

(not my picture, but this gives you an idea of what it looks like, cat's expression included)

 

·
Sasha, Honey & Toro's Mom
Joined
·
741 Posts
We just adopted a new cat. I was used to our old cat (which was just like the story.)
This cat is so different. I had to give him a pill and I was dreading it. I gave him a little bit of cream cheese which he liked and ate. So I tried just putting the pill in the middle of a little ball of cream cheese. I was so surprised. He ate the whole thing. Just like that. I was really amazed.
 

·
Beware of Nestle Purina
Joined
·
5,715 Posts
I must be lucky. Neither of mine fuss when I need to pill them. I first put the cat in the counter then I just lightly grab their top jaw with left hand. Drop pill in and then lightly hold their mouth closed while rubbing their throat. Done I a minute or less. I would not want to do it for an extended period though.

They will also eat small pills if put into their wet food without a problem :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
344 Posts
That's so funny! I thought it was cute so I gave a copy to my boss. That very day he went home and tried to get his cat into the carrier for a vet visit, got severely bitten and scratched and has developed cellulitis. My goldens are so happy to get into the car for any reason and wag their tails all the way into the vet's office.
 

·
Curator of the Coy Zoo
Joined
·
770 Posts
Since we have a small pride of cats and prefer to use pill form of flea meds for them and a couple routinely need stomach meds, we’ve had to developed a system to pill them. Husband corrals and picks up the victim, er first cat, hopefully somewhere the others don’t see it. If so the gig just got 1000 times harder as the next 5 hide and have to be found and chased. Then I smear either tuna oil or butter on the pill to help it go down, husband tilts the cat back like a baby while I open the mouth and stick the pill on the back of their throat. Wham bam! When it works, it’s great. Risks include squirting the oily pill from your fingers, premature release of the pill on the tongue (almost always results in frothy mess and worse pissed off cat), scratches, bites, etc. Trying to pill a lot of cats with one person? Worth the $ to pay the vet to do it for most.

Btw - our other pups got a tablespoon of peanut butter after dinner every night as dessert. They loved it and looked forward to it, so when they needed to be pilled or medicated they were ecstatic to eat their peanut butter treat - never mattered what we hide in it, it always went down.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top