I think you have too much on your plate + you are at the age when life is starting to really go bananas.

Not going into detail about my teen years between age 15 and 19, but I will say I lost hair in chunks because of stress.

Your parents realize that you are very stressed and are trying to help you with the dog. And obviously, the feeling is that if you let go of any part of caring for the dog - that she won't be your dog. And that's not true. You need to rely on your family a little more here. And remember to keep a space cleared for yourself where you can be you and do the things you want right now. It's not going to get much easier as you get through high school and either start working or go to college, but your family including your dog can be the big safe rock you rest on.

 

Bringing home a puppy is a mighty big adjustment for both parties. When I fostered dogs, it was very common for a new dog to need 2 weeks to settle into a routine within the household. It's more difficult with a puppy because in addition to the "new dog" stress, there is the additional stress of potty training to contend with.

FWIW - I've cried over every single one of my puppies. Every one. Doesn't matter if it was a new permanent dog joining the family or a new foster. Every. Single. One. I cried and had to excuse myself to decompress because I felt overwhelmed. Sometimes the best thing for both parties is to put the puppy in the crate, grab a timer, and walk outside. Take 20 minutes to calm yourself down and regroup. Come back in and see if the interactions go any better.

I do think you need to lean on your parents more. Why does it need to be all on your shoulders? If you have access to a therapist, it would be worth bringing up your anxiety and desire for control of the situation so you can look into healing that and finding coping mechanisms that work for you.

Aside from that, get a routine going. Puppies, ime, thrive on routine. When do you get the puppy out of the crate in the morning for potty break? When do you feed the puppy? How often do you potty the puppy? (I started with 20-minute intervals between potty breaks and then slowly lengthened them as the puppy matured). When does the puppy get lunch? Do you want to crate them for an afternoon nap? When does the puppy eat dinner? What does play time look like? What does crate time look like?

When a puppy knows what to expect then things get easier. My baby, Molly, will be 2 years old next month and for over a year, she had a strict bedtime of 8pm because I needed a break (and so did my partner), and this allowed us 1 hour to unwind before heading to bed. Now she stays out ALL day and goes to bed when we go to bed and all I have to do is get up and say, "bedtime!" and she gets up and gets in the crate. Routine and repetition crafted that behavior. Just like if I say "Last potty break!" all the dogs come running (my eldest will usually skip potty breaks cause she has a wicked strong bladder). Same with their pre-work carrot, as soon as my work shoes are on, they are lined up at the fridge waiting for their carrot.

hugs It does get better. I promise. Let your parents shoulder some of the responsibility and don't overburden yourself with stress between school, sports, home life, and the new bundle of joy.

 

Bringing home a puppy is a mighty big adjustment for both parties. When I fostered dogs, it was very common for a new dog to need 2 weeks to settle into a routine within the household. It's more difficult with a puppy because in addition to the "new dog" stress, there is the additional stress of potty training to contend with.

FWIW - I've cried over every single one of my puppies. Every one. Doesn't matter if it was a new permanent dog joining the family or a new foster. Every. Single. One. I cried and had to excuse myself to decompress because I felt overwhelmed. Sometimes the best thing for both parties is to put the puppy in the crate, grab a timer, and walk outside. Take 20 minutes to calm yourself down and regroup. Come back in and see if the interactions go any better.

I do think you need to lean on your parents more. Why does it need to be all on your shoulders? If you have access to a therapist, it would be worth bringing up your anxiety and desire for control of the situation so you can look into healing that and finding coping mechanisms that work for you.

Aside from that, get a routine going. Puppies, ime, thrive on routine. When do you get the puppy out of the crate in the morning for potty break? When do you feed the puppy? How often do you potty the puppy? (I started with 20-minute intervals between potty breaks and then slowly lengthened them as the puppy matured). When does the puppy get lunch? Do you want to crate them for an afternoon nap? When does the puppy eat dinner? What does play time look like? What does crate time look like?

When a puppy knows what to expect then things get easier. My baby, Molly, will be 2 years old next month and for over a year, she had a strict bedtime of 8pm because I needed a break (and so did my partner), and this allowed us 1 hour to unwind before heading to bed. Now she stays out ALL day and goes to bed when we go to bed and all I have to do is get up and say, "bedtime!" and she gets up and gets in the crate. Routine and repetition crafted that behavior. Just like if I say "Last potty break!" all the dogs come running (my eldest will usually skip potty breaks cause she has a wicked strong bladder). Same with their pre-work carrot, as soon as my work shoes are on, they are lined up at the fridge waiting for their carrot.

hugs It does get better. I promise. Let your parents shoulder some of the responsibility and don't overburden yourself with stress between school, sports, home life, and the new bundle of joy.

These words mean so much- thank you! I know that this feeling will eventually fade, so I'm going to stay hopeful for the future and spend time with my pup DD

 

Hi there,

I really feel for you! We have an almost 5 month old puppy we got at 8 weeks old, and it was VERY stressful in the beginning. I am an experienced mom (to six kids, but no dogs of my own before!) and it also made me anxious and upset and regretful. The puppy was brought into our home to basically be a companion for our youngest child, a 13 year old girl, who has had a rocky adolescence so far. I had a golden as a child and know how loving they can be, and how it can be so beneficial to care for someone or something besides yourself. But at the beginning it was very hard -- the puppy required much more attention and gave much less docile affection than we expected. It would really be too much for one person, especially with all your other responsibilities. Your parents sound like they want to help you! As far as letting go, and letting them help you, I think this will come naturally as you head to school and realize that your parents can handle it. Perhaps one of them can text you an update on her at your lunch break?

I just want to reassure you that having a puppy IS very stressful, so your reaction is normal. Now is the time for you to let your parents help you. Give yourself permission to do that : ) Hugs and prayers for a smooth transition to school.

 

I think you should get rid of the puppy or get your parents to take it 100%. You are not up to the tasks and both you and the dog will suffer. Stressing over this will do nothing to solve the problem. Take action and move on! We all make mistakes...

 

That advice doesn't sound very helpful to me. The OP is asking for help, not critism. I hope in a short time, the stress will lessen and looking back will seem like it was just a blip in the past!

 

Thank you so much! I get very involved because both of my parents work full time jobs during the day, but your kind words definitely make me more motivated for the future ))

 

How are you and the new pup doing ? It’s been a whole week she has been home now 💝 You received some wonderful advise from the members. They ( puppies ) truly want to please you. So if something isn’t going right re evaluate what’s lacking. For my first pup I had multiple books and training classes . Now there is Utube and this fabulous forum as well. Please re think allowing your parents to be involved in her care and training. The whole family needs to be on the same page so to speak. I concur with the comment about they thrive on routine . Also how long will she be in the crate during school and work hours- there was a comment on getting home during lunch break. Very good idea . You will go through many stages before she is an adult dog so training and puppy books will be beneficial. Give yourself a break and enjoy watching her grow. It goes by fast Congratulations

 

Hello! Thank you for asking, but everything is actually going rather smoothly right now! I no longer cry over her, and although I do still feel anxious and overwhelmed sometimes, it is bearable now! I think everything is just going to keep going well from here! As my school year starts on monday, we have been recording down the times she most likely will use the bathroom, and Toffee will be adjusted to a new schedule through out the day! She's obviously not housebroken yet, but in the past week, she's learned "sit" and I've gotten some socialization with strangers in as well! And about the crate, we usually keep her in one room with her toys and crate. We are still trying to make her feel comfortable about staying inside the crate with the door locked because she begins barking and doesn't stop when we do so! Some people have said that use positive reinforcement with treats and such and others have said to let her whine and bark a bit! I'm frankly kind of confused about this, but thank you!

 

Crate training is confusing for first time users. It is utilized for her to have a "safe space" when she can't be watched 100% Puppies can get into many things that are not good for her OR the house. IE: chewing power cords, eating things that are not good for her, etc . It's best that the crate time is limited to less than four hours , thus the lunch break visit if that's possible. I was very fortunate to have neighbors help out during the puppy crate years. Have the crate in a common area like family room or kitchen where everyone is. I would put my pups in there even when we were watching TV or daily activities from time to time so they understood this was their private place to rest. Puppies do most of their growth while sleeping ( like children ) I would provide a water bowl and a chew bone and a toy and as some suggested a kong filled with food. This gets them ready for when no one is home and they won't feel so isolated. Have a TV or radio on if that is the normal noise around your home. And never make a big deal on when you leave the house or come home. Keep all those actions at an even keel and they do not associate departure with something negative. Sounds like things are getting much smoother. It will continue to get better. Until she gets into her teenage - land shark months 😂😂😂 ( that's when they get a little rebellious , so good training and proper exercise comes in very handy at this time )