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Discussion Starter #1
So I am going to apologize in advance for anything I may say or do!

Ten years of caring for mom and dad is taking its toll - I am burnt out, so tired and frustrated. I do nothing right, say nothing right, have never done anything well enough to please them...and can never do enough for them, there is always something more I should be doing. Mom and I have always been best friends, but now I find myself not even wanting to talk to her...she has become a crochety old woman, that picks on everything and everyone, especially me.
I have no one to talk to anymore...but I have to be available for every one else to dump on 24/7.

Vent over! Thanks for reading!
 
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In the Moment
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I'm so sorry. No one deserves to be treated like this, but try to remember the Mom that once was... the one that was your best friend. Sounds like perhaps a degree of dementia at play. Try to take time to do something for YOU..... a walk, a class (yoga is great for releasing stress and feeling good), etc. AND... know you've got a community of friends that will gladly listen to your vents and offer our support.
 

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I know it is hard and stressful but one day you will look back and only remember the good times. Wish we could come and help cheer you up and help you. You should be proud of yourself.
 

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I'm in the same boat with you with regards to my Mom. It's getting worse each week too. This week she is envious that I'm spending all my time with Toby and his cataract removal surgery recovery and not spending as much time with her because after all "he's just a dog". :( I'm having a hard time holding my tongue.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I'm in the same boat with you with regards to my Mom. It's getting worse each week too. This week she is envious that I'm spending all my time with Toby and his cataract removal surgery recovery and not spending as much time with her because after all "he's just a dog". :( I'm having a hard time holding my tongue.
I'm sorry...you too? Oyyyy the day we got Cally, mom just wanted to make sure I would still jump for her and of course had a horrible emergency with dad that I had to go running over there for. Yes, I got a panicked call from her, that he was bleeding all over the place, there was blood all over the blankets, walls, etc...he was bleeding from his "bottom" of course I thought the worst. I got there to find a nickel sized smudge of dried blood on his sheet from when they had changed his catheter earlier in the day!

I get called at all hours of the day and night for these so called emergencies. I am afraid one of these days I am not going to believe her and she will really need help because so far not one time has it truly been an emergency. She pulls it every time I am sick, one of the dogs are sick, whenever she knows she may not be the center of my attention at that time. I never thought of my mother as a selfish woman until now...I guess it is something that happens to them when they get older.
 

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DreamMom

DreamMom

My heart goes out to you. My Sister and I did what we could for our dear Elderly Mom and Dad and I know that I have felt the same way as you-stressed and that I couldn't do anything right and ready to have a breakdown.

We lost both our Mom and Dad within six months of one another about 6 years ago and I now wish I had never complained to them, but I know it is only human.
 

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I've been there, too. Your mom is probably just as frustrated as you are - I know my mother used to yell at me because a) I was there and b) it was safe. She knew I wasn't going anywhere, but she couldn't trust my sisters to not get mad and refuse to visit.

It's very hard to do what you're doing and sometimes you just need to scream and cry and let it out, but in the end, you won't regret it. I'd honestly give a kidney to have my mother yell at me one more time.
 

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I'm there right now, too, though oddly enough dementia has gentled my mother (she's still not always pleasant, but she used to be AWFUL). Just make sure you follow the airplane advice (put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help anyone else) and make sure you take time out to nurture yourself and recharge your batteries. You won't be any good to anybody if you're a frazzled wreck. And find a way to disconnect, or at least mute, the buttons that your mom knows how to push. If you know you are doing your best by her, then what she thinks is completely irrelevant--especially if there is some demential creeping in. Hang in there!
 

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Dreammom, it sounds like our mothers are sisters! I think it's a combination of getting older and losing filters, fear of aging and death (and being alone) and the fact she knows she can take it out on one of her family members and get away with it. I got the same type of reaction when Barkley had his splenectomy and was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma. I basically had to adopt a Chinese wall and never mention him to her. She does not know we did the chemotherapy for him. After a meltdown the day of his surgery (nice timing) I basically told her nothing until the day we let him go. It was easier for me emotionally. I'm doing the same thing with Toby's cataract surgery recovery. I'm fortunate to have a very understanding sister to help both with managing and with stress relief. My Dad is still living and is also a huge help. He's a saint.

It's so hard and I empathize with you!
 

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yep, her filter is gone! A few weeks ago we had been chatting on the phone in the morning...Cally and the big dogs were playing, the big dogs were getting a bit miffed - I asked her to hang on while I put Cally in the ex pen. I get back on the phone and told her they were getting rough, she said "good they should kill her" - I almost fell out of my chair.

Thanks all for the support, it is so frustrating. I used to be able to talk to my mom when I was having a bad day - Now she just doesn't give a darn, everything is about her and dad and no one else matters.
 

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When my grandfather died, I saw hatred from my grandmother towards other people that I had never seen before. My grandmother was always sweet and still supported my dad long after he divorced her daughter, my mom. Several years ago, my incredibly sweet mom was doing that as well, and I called her on it. I was so shocked as she was a kind and gentle person. It made her take notice. However, she has now been gone for 1 1/2 years and I would even take the crotchetiness to have her back.
 
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And my 86 year old dad who is clearly in congestive heart failure(along with everything else) has decided only diuretics, nothing else... so enjoy all of the grouchy moments...
 
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Thanks all for the support, it is so frustrating. I used to be able to talk to my mom when I was having a bad day - Now she just doesn't give a darn, everything is about her and dad and no one else matters.
Me too....it's hard too when you realize you can't continue the relationship in the same manner.
 

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I live with my mom and she has dementia. No short term memory at all and she gets paranoid all the time. She's has accused me of horrible things. It's so stressfull...it's difficult to deal with even when she's in a somewhat less combative mood. She's on a new med. that seems to be helping her paranoid episodes, but I know it's just a matter of time before it won't work anymore. It's been a month and I can see a little of the aggression creeping back in. :(

So I definitely know how you feel...
 

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DreamMom and all

DreamMom and all going through this

I sympathize very much will all of you.

It just occured to me that I think my Mom and Dad were just so SCARED and I don't blame them, looking back.
 
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