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Discussion Starter #1
I have a friend who constantly has a habit of changing plans the last minute. No care of what I had planned for us two.

Tonight I think was the final straw for me. I can tolerate a lot of BS but this one is just to much. I made 6 Chicken quarters, enough for 3 people and some for leftovers as I divide them into the thigh and leg. I put on a crap load of carrots and butternut squash. She was suppose to be here 45 minutes ago.

Sigh. She KNEW I was making dinner. Not replying to any messages. So unless one of her family members or her self is in serious condition at the hospital this one will not be forgiven.

Anyone else have friends like this? or had friends like this?
 

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I hate this. It is one thing to be a few minutes late, or to call when you are going to be late. But it is another thing to just ingore someone. I had a few friends who would not respond to my messages and then when I did get a hold of them and asked them why, they would get mad at me and tell me they were busy. To busy to just anwser me back and say "i'm busy I will get back to you later" something like that. So to make a long story short, I am no longer friends with them. It is not worth putting kindness and effort into someone if they do not return it.
 

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I know the feeling. My best friend (I guess) does this to me constantly. We'll make plans and at the last minute she'll cancel for one reason or another. Or she'll forget and make plans with other people, and then when I mention it to her, she'll pretty much always choose to go ahead with her other plans instead of doing what we had planned. She's a nice person and I don't think she realizes that it bothers me (I'm not an emotional person so I don' think it really shows), but I often feel like she takes me for granted.

Also, and I absolutely refuse to ever mention this to her, but ever since her boyfriend (who is also a good friend of mine) moved here I rarely is ever get to hang out with her. She hasn't invited me over to her house once since September when he arrived, and if the three of us are out and I drop her off at home she'll ask Nick in and completely ignore me. Keep in mind that she lives at home with her extremely conservative parents, so it's not like she wants any, ahem, alone time, it's just to hang out. I'm afraid that people might misconstrue my feeling for jealousy, but it's not that. I'm just extremely lonely these days, because I hardly hang out with her, and my other two best friends have moved away, one to Australia for a year and the other to Hamilton, Ontario to do his MBA. My days are mostly going to work and then going home, and that's it. It really sucks.

And also, it feels really good to put this out there because I've had no one to talk to this about!
 

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Dog Lover
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Lincoln

Lincoln

I am so very sorry this person does this and hurts you.
Have you tried telling her how this makes you feel?
 

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Until, a person has been really lonely, most can't understand, people are so busy these days, they tend to overlook, some,i think,i hate being lonely, but that is the way it is.
Yes you are absolutely right, its true about being sick too, I was both after my surgery and hardly saw a soul despite being housebound 24 hours a day... a lot of time I didnt feel well enough but those I considered 'close' could have come anytime but didnt and its hard to get my head round even now but as you say...if they havent been there themselves..they dont understand how it feels :(
 

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Missing Selka So Much
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That really sucks. I would tell her how upset you are and probably choose not to hang out with her anymore.
My daughter used to have friends who did that often. Once for her birthday she and her boyfriend invited them all over.. only one showed up! I felt so bad for her.
I can understand forgetting or having other plans once in awhile but when it happens more than once, I'd be done.
 

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Yes you are absolutely right, its true about being sick too, I was both after my surgery and hardly saw a soul despite being housebound 24 hours a day... a lot of time I didnt feel well enough but those I considered 'close' could have come anytime but didnt and its hard to get my head round even now but as you say...if they havent been there themselves..they dont understand how it feels :(
Yes, until you have been there, you don't know, loneliness,is awful, i truley don't think people really care, a few do,and you know ,because they take the time, even family don't members don't take the time, often,too busy.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
She did eventually text me but asked if she could bring her boyfriend over. I wasnt much in the mood after some issues with Lincoln and I only made enough food for me, her and my grandmother. I told her had she of mentioned this last week I would be fine but I HATE having plans dropped on me like this. Last week I understood it would be us two.

So I compromised. I told her she can eat dinner here, I will come with her to go for coffee (currently feeling a coffee high because Canada changed their cup sizes so my usual large was now an Extra large 24 ounces worth not to mention im peeing ever 5 minutes) so we met up with her boyfriend and they offered to take me to see Underworld in 3D so I went figuring maybe I just needed to get out of the house.

Then next week after Rubys Rabies vaccine appointment she wants to go to the buffet for lunch then take the dogs for a run. So, we shall see how that goes. She cancels out on that I am done. I want to surround myself with positivity not negativity.
 

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I have a friend who constantly has a habit of changing plans the last minute. No care of what I had planned for us two.

Tonight I think was the final straw for me. I can tolerate a lot of BS but this one is just to much. I made 6 Chicken quarters, enough for 3 people and some for leftovers as I divide them into the thigh and leg. I put on a crap load of carrots and butternut squash. She was suppose to be here 45 minutes ago.

Sigh. She KNEW I was making dinner. Not replying to any messages. So unless one of her family members or her self is in serious condition at the hospital this one will not be forgiven.

Anyone else have friends like this? or had friends like this?
Just reading this. Did she ever show or call? She's treating you very shoddily. I have had people do this, but none are in my life anymore. Cant say it was deliberate on my part but they all fell away over time. Hope you don't get down about this. She's the one behaving badly.
 

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In the last few months I have let my long time friend go because of exactly this. I asked myself why it upset/annoyed me so much? It came down to respect and friendship-thats not what good friends do to each other.
So the last time she did it - said she was coming around - never turned up or even txted, I had enough and haven't called her or texted since (this was September last year), and I've only just heard from her again in the last month. To me that says it all, she probably just called me bacuse she couldn't find anyone better! Grrrrr
 

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Anyone else have friends like this? or had friends like this?

I've met a number of people like this and honestly it boggles my mind. As someone who stresses out about the thought of even being a few minutes late I can't even fathom cancelling on someone last minute. It makes me want to live the other person's life for a week or something to try and understand why they think it's ok.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
The last time I got upset I told her because we would make plans then her best friend would call and her plans would interfere with mine so she would cancel on me. I asked and she said "You know your not my best friend right?" and I was like I dont care if I am a best friend or not, I NEVER label my friends. If a good friend calls up and asks to make plans on a day I have booked with you I say "I am sorry I have prior commitments". Its not really hard to do. SO she got a better by showing up, not cancelling etc. Then she started to fate this guy, she knows I dont feel comfortable having guys I dont know around because one my dogs an A-hole and really dont want him socializing with people I dont know because I am a single female living alone and two....I am friends with you not him.

I dont mind him coming, I really dont...when I have notice. Not "Oh hey, hes with me so he will be there is that okay?" as they are driving here especially when I told her I wanted just us two. So then it makes me feel guilty when I say no lets eat dinner here then we will meet up with him at the coffee shop
 

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Sounds like you need to ditch your "friend" and find new ones. I dont put up with that crap. It's not a friendship if you have to work harder than the other person and if it's only one sided.
 

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I had to do this with an Aunt and cousin of mine. They live together. Mother and daughter (Aunt and cousin). They had to move down here from Toronto (1.5 hour drive one way) and had no one to help them. I told them I would help them if they could rent a van with the seats taken out and we can go get the rest of their stuff. I told them to have it all packed. I got there, NOTHING was packed. It took me 9 hours to get everything loaded.

I took this time out of my day to help them. Finally get everything down here to her new place and she said she has some stuff to get rid of that I can have since they were downsizing from a house to apartment. They had everything lined up ready for me to take and her daughter lets her friend come take it. Her friend who NEVER once helped them move. Never lifted a finger. That upset me

Then they asked me to come help them unpack and they cancelled last minute 12 times I counted. They would say come tomorrow, then call that day as I am getting ready to leave and say some excuse like "Oh my daughter is sick" or "Oh we arent in the mood".

So a year or so later its still going. I get them a Christmas gift and they promise to have us over right after Christmas. Its the 25th of January and we are still waiting. They invited us last week, we showed up and they didnt answer the buzzer so we followed someone in and knocked on her door for 5 minutes. We KNEW they were in there because we could SEE them walking around through the peep hole in the door.

So, I told my grandmother I was done. I refuse to go over there, talk to them or help them anymore. When they call to ask for help. I will say sure, call back on the day I am suppose to go and cancel. Keep doing it. See if they get the message.

Then we found out a connection. Anytime we said we were bringing Ruby over they never canceled. But when they called to ask if we were and we said no, they would call back 15 minutes later and say something came up. So that ended quickly. Totally done with that BS.

My friend, since I dont have many friends I really have to think about this one. I will be having another talk with her over lunch next week.
 
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