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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi, Barnaby here, I thought it might be fun to start this thread, I asked my mum and she said it would be ok. I often have fellow goldens ask me for advice, particularly as I am known as a very wise senior boy. So if anyof you dawgies have a dilemma, a troublesome cat causing you problems or need some tips on how to get into that awkwardly positioned laundry basket I will be more than happy to help. Unfortunately mum says that I can't really give too much advice on health issues, so it's probably best to consult your veterinarian about those. I look forward to reading all your letters!. :wavey:
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Dear Baranaby,

I am about as perfect as a dog can be. I am adorable, funny, kind, sweet, smart and hard working. Yet my parents WILL NOT give me an allowance. What do you suggest?

PS I tell my parents I want the allowance to buy them gifts but in reality I really want it to buy more treats and toys.

Thank you!
Dear Sadie,
Thank you for your letter. Here is what I suggest, try to work out the value of your treats and convert them into whatI call Doggie Dollars. For instance if you think you have been particularly good ask them for maybe three dollar's worth of treats. A subtle tilt of the head may earn you more doggie dollars which you could use to get higher value treats like toys. Good luck and let me know how you get on. Barnaby x
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Dear Barnaby:

I love to eat droppings, but my Mom picks them up before I can get to them--how do I make her stop?

Love,

Brinkley
Dear Brinkley,
I had the same problem the other day. Try to distract your mum by maybe persistently barking at something, when she turns to see what you're barking at go in quick and grab a mouthful , it works for me. Let me know how you get on, I will try to come up with some other suggestions. Barnaby x
 

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Dear Barnaby,

This letter is from me and my doggy sister. We have a dilemma. We are very good dogs. Mom says we are sweet and cute and that all the neighbor dogs are jealous. We are very well behaved, most of the time. However, when people or dogs walk by the fence in our back yard, we run to the gate and bark at them. Mom and Dad call us back. About half of the time we come back and lay down. The other half we just stay and bark and bark and bark.

Yes we see mom coming to get us and yes we hear her telling us no, but we can't seem to pull ourselves away. You see, we think our yard extends as far as we can see. That means past the fence, across the street and even further into the neighbors yard. We have learned not to bark at the neighbors, or their company, who share a fence with us. But seem to be having a rough time with the passers by on the road.

We really want to be good girls. It makes us sad to see the disappointment in mommy's eyes when we don't come away from our little bark fest and we don't like being put in the house for a time out. We always get to come back out, but for that small fraction of time we are separated from mom and dad and we don't like it. How can we be really good girls at the fence?

The Barkers
 

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What a wonderful idea! An advice column from a Golden heart!

Dear Barnaby,

My brothers and sister get on my nerves.

CeeLo wants to play - all of the time! He's big and he's clumsy and he slobbers all over me. I know he's young but he really needs to practice self control. I am far too dignified and beautiful to wrestle with him all day.

Pedro has multiple personality disorder. Mom tried giving him medication but it didn't work. He's old and grouchy most of the time, and then, when I am too tired from CeeLo's shenanigans, Pedro wants to play. What's up with that?

Gracie is my only sister. I have been spayed, but Gracie has not. Gracie can get very hormonal at times. This week, she has stolen Pedro's one and only favorite toy, and is carrying it around in her mouth, crying. Pedro is following her around, crying. Gracie hides her face every time Mom gets out that big yellow skillet that she uses to fry bacon in - she says it's because Mom always sets off the smoke alarm. I don't understand why anyone would hide when bacon is frying - if you stand right under Mom's feet and don't get out of the way, she will give you a piece. There must be something wrong with Gracie.

Please help me figure out how to cope with these siblings of mine!

Ruby Sue
 

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Dear Barnaby
I really really really love to eat the clumps of grass that fall off the mower. Mom says this is disgusting. No, really, it's amazingly wonderfully tasty! How can I convince Mom that it's perfectly alright to eat this stuff?
Thank you for your time
Max
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Dear Barnaby,

This letter is from me and my doggy sister. We have a dilemma. We are very good dogs. Mom says we are sweet and cute and that all the neighbor dogs are jealous. We are very well behaved, most of the time. However, when people or dogs walk by the fence in our back yard, we run to the gate and bark at them. Mom and Dad call us back. About half of the time we come back and lay down. The other half we just stay and bark and bark and bark.

Yes we see mom coming to get us and yes we hear her telling us no, but we can't seem to pull ourselves away. You see, we think our yard extends as far as we can see. That means past the fence, across the street and even further into the neighbors yard. We have learned not to bark at the neighbors, or their company, who share a fence with us. But seem to be having a rough time with the passers by on the road.

We really want to be good girls. It makes us sad to see the disappointment in mommy's eyes when we don't come away from our little bark fest and we don't like being put in the house for a time out. We always get to come back out, but for that small fraction of time we are separated from mom and dad and we don't like it. How can we be really good girls at the fence?

The Barkers
Dear Bailey and Emma,
Thank you for your letter. Firstly let me say how good you are not barking at your neighbours. In my younger years I barked at everyone who walked past my garden. I think what your mom and dad have to remember is that it is your natural instinct to bark at strangers. You know it's like expecting my mum NOT to eat that last square of chocolate, it's never going to happen!. Here is what I suggest, earplugs, not for you two but for your mom and dad, that way they won't be able to hear you!. Failing that you could always move house to an area with a high population of senior citizens who maybe don't have such good hearing. I hope this helps, Barnaby x
 

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Dear Barnaby,

I keep hearing about a really cool sport called "counter surfing" but I've never tried it. I love to exercise and this sounds like a good way to stay fit. I bet my mom would be happy that I was helping her by exercising myself. What is the object of this sport and how do I get started?

Your friend,
Chumlee
 

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Discussion Starter #15
What a wonderful idea! An advice column from a Golden heart!

Dear Barnaby,

My brothers and sister get on my nerves.

CeeLo wants to play - all of the time! He's big and he's clumsy and he slobbers all over me. I know he's young but he really needs to practice self control. I am far too dignified and beautiful to wrestle with him all day.

Pedro has multiple personality disorder. Mom tried giving him medication but it didn't work. He's old and grouchy most of the time, and then, when I am too tired from CeeLo's shenanigans, Pedro wants to play. What's up with that?

Gracie is my only sister. I have been spayed, but Gracie has not. Gracie can get very hormonal at times. This week, she has stolen Pedro's one and only favorite toy, and is carrying it around in her mouth, crying. Pedro is following her around, crying. Gracie hides her face every time Mom gets out that big yellow skillet that she uses to fry bacon in - she says it's because Mom always sets off the smoke alarm. I don't understand why anyone would hide when bacon is frying - if you stand right under Mom's feet and don't get out of the way, she will give you a piece. There must be something wrong with Gracie.

Please help me figure out how to cope with these siblings of mine!

Ruby Sue
Dear Ruby Sue,

That's a great name, are you by chance a doggy country and western singer?. Being an only dog this is a difficult one for me. Maybe you could play with CeeLo for just short periods, after all he is just being a happy boucy dog. Maybe you could let him play with one of your stuffies to show what a great sister you are. Does CeeLo get to go for an energetic run, because maybe he needs some one on one doggy time. Regarding Pedro, I am getting on a bit too so sometimes I don't feel like playing, maybe the two of you could watch some tv together, a favourite film like The Incredible Journey that's good for all ages. Your sister Gracie just needs you to be patient, I probably shouldn't say this but mum can be a bit hormonal too!. It's tough being a female golden in the 21st century, I'm sure you already know that though. I hope my advice helps, and remember Ruby Sue your family loves you and that's all that reallymatters. Barnaby x
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Dear Barnaby
I really really really love to eat the clumps of grass that fall off the mower. Mom says this is disgusting. No, really, it's amazingly wonderfully tasty! How can I convince Mom that it's perfectly alright to eat this stuff?
Thank you for your time
Max
Dear Max,
Thanks for your letter. I am a grass eater too, at 14 years old now it has never done me any harm. I think you should tell your mom how good the grass is for you, after all its completely natural and most animals love it, that's why it's there. Maybe also tell her that you are helping her with the gardening by eating the grass as it saves her clearing it all away. I hope my advice helps, Barnaby x
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Dear Uncle Barnaby, my Mum keeps finding things that have been chewed or dug up and for some odd reason she thinks it's me doing it! http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/golden-retriever-puppy-up-1-year/282473-mannys-blog.html#post4873881
How can I make her realise I wouldn't do such a thing!? I'm just a sweet very good little pup :)
Dear Manny,
Thank you for your letter. I have the answer to your problem. I have posted a reply on your lovely puppy thread!. I hope it helps, like a cute adorable pup like you could ever do anything naughty. Honestly humans just aren't as intelligent as us dogs. Barnaby x
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Dear Barbaby,

I keep hearing about a really cool sport called "counter surfing" but I've never tried it. I love to exercise and this sounds like a good way to stay fit. I bet my mom would be happy that I was helping her by exercising myself. What is the object of this sport and how do I get started?

Your friend,
Chumlee
Dear Chumlee,
Thanks for your letter. There are two kinds of counter surfing. When I was a puppy I was a dreadful counter surfer, one day I stole two disposable cleaning cloths and swallowed them whole, they made me sick but fortunately my dad managed to pull them out my mouth when I vomited, YUCKY!!, that is the bad side of counter surfing. The good side is when you steal stuff from the kitchen counter that is yummy like bacon, cakes, biscuits, sandwiches etc etc. I would recommend using the technique that I call selective counter surfing where you only take the good stuff. Hope my advice helps, Barnaby x
 
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