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Can I ask the breeder to hold onto my puppy beyond the 8 week minimum?

7K views 23 replies 14 participants last post by  Piper_the_goldenpuppy 
#1 ·
Hi all,

I hope everyone is doing well! I’ll try and be as to the point as I can with my question.

Not only have I wanted a golden retriever my entire adult life, but I’ve finally managed to get on a waitlist with an amazing breeder and have a beautiful puppy born with my name on him. Honestly with the insane waitlists out there I didn’t think I’d have a shot until 2022 or 2023. But here we are.

So since my pup has been born 2 weeks ago (still with breeder), I have been doing my due diligence and reading everything from A to Z about living and raising a golden retriever puppy. The plan is to pick up my puppy at 8 weeks.

However, I have been becoming anxious with each passing day. Reading about the puppy blues, the large time committment in the first 6 months + 2 months of crying at night/peeing, and just overall dealing with basically a fur baby who cannot yet control themselves is getting me a little overwhemled. Now, those things in itself don’t scare me at all, but the environment in which I live currently makes me stressful.

I currently live in a house with 2 roommates (all 28 years old), in very good sized house, with a very large backyard (perfect for a dog), and we all work from home (pretty ideal), and we’re all very dependable. All roommates are on board for me to get a dog and excited. However, one of the roommates, while I like him as a friend, he is very needy/selfish and overbearing at times (his way or highway) to live with and also is quite sensitive to opposing thoughts. This personality (while I’ve known him for years as friends, only recently moved together in 7 months ago) is making me really uneasy when planning on bringing in a living pet. Good friends don’t always make good roommates.

Our lease is up in May (6months from now), and I plan on moving out and getting my own place with a yard for my dog. Mainly so I can control my life and my dogs life a little more, so that raising a puppy won’t be as stressful.

On top of potential roommate stress, I’m worried that the puppy will impact my performance at work (IT job, pretty easy, but sometimes need to do zoom calls and barking puppies could look bad), and I will not be able to play the sports I love (usually an 1-2 hours everyday I’ll play soccer or tennis or basketball after work).

So here’s my question, and I’m open to suggestions, but please go easy on me. Is it acceptable to ask the breeder to hang onto my puppy longer than the 8week minumum? Say maybe 2 months? That way I’ll be able to find a new place, give roommates a heads up and potentially even move out sooner. The 8 week puppy window is early January 2022, so it’s approaching very fast.

If you say “you’re not ready for a puppy”, I don’t think that’s fair. I’m just a little stressed out at the moment given my environmental conditions. I’ve waited almost 2 years for this dog! Why am I get all scared and worried now???

I know this is a big commitment, and I’m ready, but would a breeder hold onto the dog a little longer while I get prepared?
 
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#2 ·
I am a bit curious about why your question is posed to "a forum", rather then asking the breeder directly ?
There would obviously be a cost involved in that kind of arrangement.
Since there would be training involved ( can't have a pup between ages of 8 weeks and 16 weeks without it), I would assume it would be more then just general kennel housing cost.
 
#4 ·
I'm going to say that, generally, most breeders will not want to hang on to that puppy for two more months. And if it's a good breeder, she probably has 50 people waiting in line for a puppy, and she can just as easily call up one of them and say, "I have a puppy for you if you can pick him up at 8 weeks." Sometimes, they will do it, but will charge an exorbitant amount of money to keep the pup. They want them gone. Besides, those two months are super important for your puppy's socialization and bonding. It's a window that, once closed at about 12 weeks, never opens again. So, you're going to want that puppy home with you.

I can't comment on your controlling roommate, except to say that if he agrees you can bring a puppy into the house, then it should be your responsibility, and you get to have the say about the puppy, not him.

My opinion is get the puppy and enjoy him, and tell the roommate to move out if he doesn't like it.

As for barking puppies on zoom meetings... I'm an attorney. We do all our court appearances by Zoom these days, and it's not at all unusual to hear someone's dog barking in the background. Not mine, because I make sure all 8 of them are somewhere where they cannot be heard. Like, in their crates.

Also, if you're doing it right, you won't have two months of crying and peeing at night. In my experience, it's 3 days, and I have a lot of experience. If you give-in, it can go on for months or forever. But if you have a healthy puppy and are resolute, that puppy will sleep through the night starting the 3rd or 4th night. Yes, it's a HUGE time commitment. But it's also an incredible time that is all too brief, and once it's gone, you never get it back. That age between 8 and 12 weeks is challenging, but it's also amazing and magical, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I say get your puppy.
 
#5 ·
Wow this really made me feel a lot better. thank you so much for that insight. I really just needed someone’s success story and to hear “it’s going to be okay”. Just seems big in my head right now.

followup question - did you find time to do things for yourself while raising a puppy? Or did you have to put your dog at day care to go do something like workout/see a friend? Just curious. I’m ready for those things to be put on pause, but would be better if I can find a way to balance both.
 
#6 ·
I agree with DanaRuns. There is really no time in anyone's life where a puppy won't have a pretty significant impact. But if you truly believe you are ready and excited, then my personal recommendation is that you consider that much of your anxiety may be something you would be experiencing regardless of all the other outside considerations that may be making it feel that much more overwhelming. Your life is definitely going to change, and some of those changes (like a dog distracting you during meetings and giving up a LOT of your outside-of-work time) will be pretty much permanent (although certainly the first 6 months or so will be the most intense).

As Dana said, those first few weeks of a puppy's life are pretty critical and ideally should be spent with you. If you were asking the breeder for another week due to an unforeseen crisis, that would be one thing. Asking her to keep the puppy for two more months, mostly to keep you from having to "deal" with puppy stuff... well, if I were the breeder I'd be seriously reconsidering if you were a good home for one of my babies.

Maybe if you talked to the "problematic" roommate and let him know you were considering holding off on the puppy, mostly due to your concerns about him, maybe you could get some agreement about what he can and cannot weigh in on when it comes to the puppy. If you think that most of your anxiety truly stems from your situation, and talking to the roommate is not likely to make things better, then the responsible thing to do would probably be to decide this isn't the right time to get a puppy and resign yourself to waiting another year or two when you will be in your own house.

If on the other hand you can say that a lot of your trepidation is normal first-puppy jitters and you are committed to making things work and doing whatever you need to to give that puppy a great start in life, then I say take a deep breath and stay the course to bring the puppy home at the agreed upon date.
 
#7 ·
As a Golden owner I wouldn’t miss those first two months for anything. I would either pick the puppy up at 8 weeks, or explain immediately to the breeder that I have concerns and would like to be put on the wait list for their next breeding. I’d be 100% honest and hope they appreciated the honesty.
 
#9 ·
I’ve not heard of breeders (the good ones, at least) keeping puppies for extra time, because like Dana mentioned above, that’s a critical socialization window. It’s not unheard of, especially if you’re flying a puppy into another country, but that’s usually a pre made agreement you have with the breeder.

When I got my pup I felt that it was my duty to give him the best possible start to his new life. That meant I had to make some sacrifices, which meant missed hangouts, missed evenings out, and in your case missed after work activities. That’s not to say you have to turn your life upside down for the puppy (though my life did change a LOT), but I’m not sure what a 2 month difference will do in terms of you being able to work and play sports. If anything, taking your pup to your after work activities is good socialization and will get him/her introduced to new things - things that he/she will likely be around for their whole life.

puppies sleep a ton when they’re small so you can definitely still have zoom calls with peace and quiet. And like Dana mentioned, yapping dogs is so common on zoom now that no one really cares (IMO). I’ve found that if you show the culprit on the zoom too, everyone’s so obsessed with how cute they are that they don’t even mind being derailed for a minute.

As for the roommate, I think if it’s your puppy, it’s your responsibility, and your rules regarding how the puppy is raised. However, if there are certain things that you tend to not see eye to eye on, talk it out BEFORE the puppy comes home and work to establish clear boundaries so that everyone is on the same page. Some things that I have seen as issues before - where the pup will sleep/spend most of its time (think: overtaking common areas), cleaning (you’ll be on extra cleanup duty going forward), places in the house the puppy is allowed (furniture, roommates rooms, etc), and expectations for the other roommates. By this I mean scenarios where for instance, if you’re on a call and the pup is barking- you’ll still be expected to take them out, even if your roommate is free-unless you’ve discussed that they will be helping out. If you plan on crate training, let your roommates know how it works - warn them that it might get loud for alittle bit but it’s part of the process.
If, after you’ve discussed with your roommates and it doesn’t sound like it’ll work out, reach out to the breeder to see if you can be moved to the next litter, or find a place to move out even sooner. I wouldn’t want to miss the first 2 months (unless, again, I was flying a dog in from somewhere else) because Beckett and I really established our bond together then. Good luck!
 
#11 ·
I'm going to add even more, which I hope will encourage you and make you enthusiastic about your puppy, but which could also deter you if you're the kind of person who thinks dogs should be plug and play and not interfere with your regular life.

I said to stay home for the first four weeks. But you don't have to stay home. Indeed, I think you and your puppy should go lots of places. Here are some things you should do with your puppy from 8-12 weeks.

  • Meet 100 people. Have your puppy meet 100 people, of all varieties. Young, old, kids, babies. Black, white, hispanic, asian, etc. Tall, short, fat, thin. Beards, hats, sunglasses, long hair, short hair. Wheelchairs, crutches. Male, female. We make a list and check them off as we introduce our puppy around. You want a confident, courageous puppy who is comfortable around anyone. That window before 12 weeks is critical for being exposed to lots of different humans. One place it's good to go is an outdoor mall, weather permitting, and hang out in front of the theater or anchor store, and let people come to you. They will. You can meet 100 people in a couple hours that way. Just don't let the puppy get overwhelmed, which can happen especially in groups of screaming children.
  • Surfaces. Make sure your puppy puts his feet on every conceivable surface. Tile, concrete, asphalt, dirt, grass, wood, stone, grates, carpet, gravel, pebbles, etc. He's going to discover his world through his mouth and his feet. Get his feet on every surface you can, so he's comfortable. Make sure he has to negotiate obstacles and figure things out. Uphill, downhill, rough terrain, logs, curbs, changing surfaces, etc. This can actually be a big deal for a puppy. Huge bonus points for getting your puppy in water. We teach our puppies to swim when they are 6 weeks old.
  • Noises. Get your puppy to places where he hears all sorts of sounds. Stores, crowded indoor areas, outdoor crowds, construction sites, train tracks with the train passing, airports, shooting ranges, fireworks, rushing water, etc. The more sounds your puppy is exposed to before 12 weeks, the more comfortable he will be for the rest of his life. You'll thank me his first Fourth of July.
  • Safe animals. If your friends have friendly, vaccinated dogs and cats, and even rabbits, Guinea pigs, snakes, etc. Make sure your puppy meets them before 12 weeks old. If those animals are very good with puppies (some are, some ain't got no time for dat), let them hang out and play together in a controlled setting. Your puppy needs dog socialization as well a people socialization.
  • Crate training. For some reason, people can be resistant to this. But it can be literally lifesaving. And it's certainly mental health saving, for both you and your puppy. The goal is to get your puppy to like being in his crate. Dogs are den animals, and do just fine in a crate, so long as they are introduced to it the right way. It can't be a punishment, it can't be a negative place that takes him away from you. It's a retreat. It's a place of comfort and safety. And in the case of my dogs, it's where they eat and sleep. Learn how to crate train the right way, and do it from the very first day.
  • Obedience training. Your puppy can learn simple things right from the start. And it can be a great bonding experience. Plus, a trained puppy is an easy puppy, and a puppy with self-esteem. Dogs love and need structure, even though they test the boundaries, especially as teens. Make the training sessions only 5-10 minutes long, use only positive reinforcement, keep it simple, and you can have your puppy doing amazing things by 10 weeks old. To me, the most important thing to put on a dog is a perfect recall, and I start that right away. There's a great game you can play with your puppy and one other person that will get him on a solid recall from distance by the time he's 10 weeks old. This can save his life.
  • Housebreaking. I put this last, but it could be first. Every puppy is different, and some learn this quickly while others struggle with it, but doing this right, and doing it from the start, and doin it consistently while your puppy is an infant can make the next year so much easier on you, you won't believe it. And here's why you can't leave that first month. You have to take the puppy out every 30 minutes, like clockwork. Also, every time he wakes up, and every time he eats. And you have to do it right away. The goal is to set him up for success, and never give him even a single chance to pee or poop in the house. There's lots to be said about how to housebreak a puppy effectively, but the message is that it takes a constant watchful eye, it takes absolute rock solid consistency, and it take dedication no matter what else you're doing. But if you do it right, you'll have a puppy that is basically housebroken before he's three months old. Don't do it right, and you can still have problems when he's a year old. So jump on this one, with the goal that he never pees in the house even once. Any time he does, that's your failure, not his. Never get mad at him for peeing/pooping in the house, because if he does it's because you've messed up. I will tell you that I've done it right and had a puppy that never once went in the house. I had another puppy that trained me effectively and after that never went in the house. And I've done it wrong and have struggled with housebreaking for a very long time. Do it right, right away, and your life will be a lot easier.
So, there's plenty for you to do with your puppy, and there are plenty of places you can go together. (I haven't talked about Parvo and distemper, I'm sure you know what to do about that.) And there are very good reasons to devote that first month to your little infant. I say, do it, and make it your sole commitment for that short time. Then you can brag about what an awesome dog you have, forever. :)
 
#12 ·
I think you are being super thoughtful- and agree totally w Dana- get rid of roomie before you impact your relationship w your good breeder and your puppy. And some breeders will keep puppies, if keeping one themselves the ones I know who do this do not mind. For myself, if I am keeping something it's kinda nice to have those dollars for raising yours at same time- but if I am not keeping one, I do not want to keep yours. Litters are a lot of work and I tend to look forward to them leaving.
Agree also w Dana on the ways puppy will impact your life. You can make it work if you want to. You many not have 2 hours a day every day to hang out/exercise/play with friends- but you can always drop by that basketball game w puppy and add some joy to the friends' lives, while also letting puppy hear ball bouncing, see lots of people running around on a court, etc...
 
#13 ·
I would discuss and agree some house rules with your housemates to make sure the environment is safe for puppy. Eg no dangerous items left lying around like socks or left over food. Maybe install a baby gate or two based on agreement as to where puppy can and can’t go in the house.
I would plan to temporarily give up those out of home hobbies for a couple months. Well worth the temporary sacrifice to ensure your puppy is getting the best start in life. Even after the first couple months you won’t be able to do your sporting hobbies quite as much as you do now as after work your dog will want and deserve your attention for play and exercise. But you can find a balance of meeting the dogs needs and yours.. It just won’t be the same as it was pre-dog.
 
#14 ·
On top of potential roommate stress, I’m worried that the puppy will impact my performance at work (IT job, pretty easy, but sometimes need to do zoom calls and barking puppies could look bad), and I will not be able to play the sports I love (usually an 1-2 hours everyday I’ll play soccer or tennis or basketball after work).

So here’s my question, and I’m open to suggestions, but please go easy on me. Is it acceptable to ask the breeder to hang onto my puppy longer than the 8week minumum? Say maybe 2 months? That way I’ll be able to find a new place, give roommates a heads up and potentially even move out sooner. The 8 week puppy window is early January 2022, so it’s approaching very fast
You've been given a lot of great advice already by people who are more experienced than me who are actual breeders. But I've had 2 dogs that I've raised from puppyhood and unless there was some extremely extenuating circumstance, I would absolutely want to be the one raising them. Not only is it prime socialization and training time but its also prime bonding time with your dog. The work you put in will have a great influence over the dog your puppy becomes. To me, asking a breeder to raise your puppy in those critical early months feels like a big ask. Two months is a long time.

I have a leadership role in my company and people's Zoom meetings get interrupted all the time by children, dogs, and other things. Thats just called having a life. If there's a way to have your puppy be in another room, that might be ideal, but your pup will be trained very quickly in being calm and quiet while you are busy and will be way ahead of the game.

Realistically, your life will change after you have a dog. You may have to cut out more things in puppyhood, but even afterwards, things will be different. Goldens are an active breed, and depend on you for everything--food, shelter, exercise, training, entertainment. Its a great time to pick up a new hobby, if you are active (like agility). They aren't a plop on the couch and do nothing all day type of pet, and most dogs need a fair amount of social interaction (not like, just in the evenings after work and hobbies). I have a dog walker if I'm working long hours, or have an after work activity, and pay extra for a long walk. I don't go to the gym or yoga every day after work, because that doesn't feel fair to my dog. I do, however, take her for long, brisk walks, fetch, and hikes (now that she's an adult). I I like those activities, so to me its not a loss, it's a gain.

It's a lot of responsibility, and even in the best of circumstances, raising a puppy feels overwhelming. But it's so incredibly worth it. I get a thrill from playing tennis, but training a dog is super rewarding.
 
#16 ·
There is such good advice here, I can’t add anything but I’m curious about why the roommate would have any say over how you raise your puppy. Unless he’s a bully and you want to avoid confrontations, you are all adults and you should be able to give him your rules for your dog without argument. I’ve had training disagreements with family members and I just said I’m training the dogs, we do it my way. I can see issues arising over feeding table scraps or allowing behaviors you don’t want, but it’s still your dog, your rules.
 
#17 ·
Just get the puppy. You've clearly planned for it and you're ready. Working from home is an ideal situation for a puppy. I am going to make a horribly radical suggestion that differs from the normal advice you get: Let the puppy sleep with you, instead of a crate. The puppy is far less likely to annoy your roommates by crying at night. Unless you are an extremely heavy sleeper, you'll wake up if he gets restless. A waterproof bed cover is a good idea, but puppies rarely pee on their own bed. A puppy in bed with you will not need to get up as often at night. With goldens, you don't need to worry that they'll always want to sleep with you. My poodles were always lifelong bed dogs, but my goldens have preferred to sleep elsewhere as they've grown up, probably because they get too warm in a bed. My current youngest dog (now 7.5 months), quit sleeping on the bed at about 5 months. Now, he doesn't even sleep in the bedroom.

Make sure the pupper has a play period in the morning. Put him in his crate after he's been fed, pottied, and exercised at a good starting work time for you (8 or 9 AM?). He'll likely sleep until lunch. Have another play/feeding/airing time, eat lunch, put puppy back in crate. Get your afternoon work done. Have a little training session in the evening, let the puppy spend the evening interacting with the roomies. If they roomies love him, they'll be good pupsitters and you'll be able to do your sports/hobbies. The first couple of months with those needle teeth and the piddle accidents will be the hardest. Stock up on Nature's Miracle and be ready to reimburse the roomies for chewed up shoes, etc.

Have fun with the little guy.
 
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#18 ·
You have gotten some really, really good advice. Read it over and over, and think about whether this is really what you want right NOW. I'm not saying you're not ready, but be really honest about whether it is what you want NOW. There is nothing wrong with waiting a few more years. I waited until I was 30 to get my first Golden as an adult. I was out of university, had a full time job, and lived on my own. I had had Goldens as a kid, but it is very different as an adult. A big part of my decision was, am I ready to come home every day right after work - that means NOT going for drinks with colleagues, not going out for dinner with friends, etc. You have to go home to take the pup out but also to BE with the pup, if he has been alone all day. (Oh, and dogwalkers are awesome if you do work away from home for a full day without being able to get home halfway through).

Yes, your life will be upside down for a few weeks or months. But it is just a few weeks/months, until you and the pup get into a schedule and rhythm. But as others have said, the puppy is an infant, and infants live by their own schedules for the first little while. You will need to be a bit flexible (being off work for the first 2-4 weeks after the pup comes home is really helpful). A baby puppy is a LOT of work and it is tiring and sometimes frustrating. You need eyes on that puppy 24-7, unless it is in its crate. But I would not miss those weeks for anything either. You are teaching, training and bonding. And it's also really fun. But yes, it will change your life. My dogs have made my life better - I discovered I loved to do things I didn't even know existed (hunt training, tracking, dock diving) in addition to things like going for long walks and throwing a ball (over and over and over). But I was ready to change my life and no longer be out every night as I was in my 20s.

Oh, and as others have said, these days, cats and dogs and kids in zoom meetings happen. My exec's cat walks across his keyboard during pretty much every meeting. We all love her. Dogs bark, kids come to get snacks. My colleague's dog had an accident during a meeting yesterday and she got up to quickly clean up. Everyone understands. Introduce your puppy on one of your calls - they will all die at his cuteness and likely no one will ever want to do another meeting without your puppy there!
 
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#19 ·
Get your puppy!! You've waited a long time and have thought carefully about this new adventure, and as the others have said, those first 2 weeks are priceless! You have this forum to ask questions, and I promise you will get good advise and answers - there are YEARS of posts here so if we can't help you can do a search for just about anything you can think of. I've enjoyed this forum so much since I got my Jackson 10 months ago and before he came home. You will continue to learn more and more about Goldens and as time goes by, he will become your best friend forever!

And, tell your roomie that if he doesn't agree with your way, he can hit the highway! I bet he won't have a lot to say about his care and won't want to get attached to YOUR puppy, just keep them separate if the guy doesn't want to go with your feeling and gets in the way of how you raise your puppy!

Good luck and keep in touch, we'll be happy to help in any way we can. I'm no expert, but there are several members who are and their knowledge has helped me many times.
 
#22 ·

 
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