[RavenWolf]

I wasn't sure where to post this, but I need some advice from other dog owners. My dog Benny is a wonderful dog so I'm assuming the problem is with me. I'm disappointed that after having Benny for almost 8 months I still don't feel like I've bonded with him. I love him, and take care of, play with and pet him... but something is missing.

I have only had one other dog in my life, Vinnie, I was so close to him and just had that bond right from the first time I held him as a puppy. I had Vinnie for 15 years until I had to make that painful decision to humanly put him to sleep. 3 years latter Benny has come into my life and I am just so upset that that bond I feel I should have with him just isn't there, not like I had with Vinnie. I just can't understand why, I have wanted a Golden retriever forever and I'm not exaggerating when I say Benny is a near perfect dog who came to me 100% house broke and the most loving personality I have ever met. he doesn't bark, At 2 years old is calmer then any dog I've meet, he doesn't get into things. he reliably listens to commands he knows...

He is everything I've ever wanted in a dog, so why can't I bond with him? I can tell how much he loves me and he had no problem bonding to me, I feel like I'm letting him down. Has anyone else ever felt like this? The only thing I can think of is that loosing Vinnie hurts so much that maybe I'm afraid to let myself get that close to Benny. It just so disappointing, as horrible as it sounds, Its like Benny's my guy, but he's not my buddy, at least not like Vinnie was. Do I just need to give it more time to develop? I would greatly appreciate any suggestions!

 

[Oaklys Dad]

I can't say I've ever had that feeling but I find it best to get down on the floor with my guys and have some good wrestle/snug time with them.

 

[Bock]

I would find an obedience class. Even though Benny knows a lot of commands it's all about the bond that develops between you two.

 

[Oaklys Dad]

I would find an obedience class. Even though Benny knows a lot of commands it's all about the bond that develops between you two.

Great advice! (wish I had thought of that)

 

[RavenWolf]

Maybe I'll try that, although I do already do that stuff with him. I walk him and have been working on teaching him some tricks, we play in the backyard together every day and he sleeps in my room at night.

Its hard to explain but maybe I can try to explain it better. I love Benny and I'm attached to him, I just don't feel emotionally close to him. I got Benny through my best friend who has known him longer than I have and so he still feels like he's partly her dog like he's the family dog and not My dog like Vinnie was. Does that make any sense what so ever?

 

[kwhit]

I bonded emotionally right away with both Savanah and Chance, but it took months for the emotional bond to develop with Lucy. I loved her, but didn't feel close to her. Now I'm attached to her as much as she is to me. I love her with all my heart and I can't believe it took so long for the bond to form. Honestly, at one point, I thought it wouldn't happen, but...it did, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don't know why emotions are instantaneous with some and not with others, but it'll happen. My sister lost her heart dog, Murphy, two years ago and swore she would never get another dog. Yeah, right. :uhoh: She adopted L.C. 9 months ago and is just now becoming emotionally attached. She was scared to "feel" again for another dog because she almost lost it when Murphy passed. But...L.C. has won her over and my sister is ready again to fully open her heart. She's not completely there yet, but she will be. And so will you...when you're ready.

 

[RavenWolf]

thanks! I think I just really needed that reassurance.

 

[coppers-mom]

It does take longer with some dogs than with others and you are carrying some baggage from losing Vinnie. It happens.
I do think an obendience class or some group activity where you two can have fun with others and together will help. The more time you spend together the stonger your bond grows. Can you find an activity that is uniquely "his"? Soemthing Vinnie didn't do, but you and Benny enjoy? That would help built a bond that is unique to the two of you.
I had the closest bond with my heart dog "Boomer" 7 years ago. I have loved the ones since, but honestly not as much. He and I were just soooooo bonded. It does grow with time. I have now had my current GRr escue almost 5 years and he is the love of my lfe.
I hope you find your bond with Benny.

 

[maggie1951]

After i lost Charlie 1 she was a rescue and i really bonded with her i never thought i would bond like that with another dog again like you i felt afraid to bond as the losing is so painful.
But along came Sadie another rescue i just could not bond with her she loved me to bits but i just could not bond then of all things Sadie hurt herself and the bond took place and Sadie turned out to me my heart dog it just takes time but that bond does come.

 

[vrmueller]

My husband and I had our first dog, Malibu, a lab mix we rescued. She was one in a million. She had special needs and I cared for her till the end. It took 8 yrs before we got another dog and along came Ruby. I didn't feel it and I tried. I could not get close to her. There was not a connection. She is now 2 yrs old and there is a bond, but not like I had with Malibu. I love Ruby and I would do anything for her, but that deep, deep, hurt in the stomach feeling isn't there. Maybe this one will just take some more time.