Hi everyone, it's been awhile since my last post. When I joined it was shortly after my Bailey had been diagnosed with tumors on his liver and spleen. He was also having mini seizures so there was that suspicion of a brain tumor as well. A few weeks ago he started taking Prednisone with his phenobarbital. He's been seizure free for 20 days so far! We should be happy, but this mostly just confirms the suspicion that there was/is swelling at the brain that the Prednisone is controlling. He seems happier than the last month but gets tired faster and seems to breathe heavier after his playtime. He's turning 12 in 3 days. I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster, up and down, with no way off. When he's sleeping I break down in tears because I literally cannot picture life without him. I wonder if I'm doing right by him and literally just waiting for things to get bad again. His birthday is Friday. I took Thursday and Friday off work to do nothing but be with him. I just hurt all over and can't get a grip. I can't imagine what I'll be like when "the time" comes. I feel like this preemptive grief isn't normal. But I can't do anything to stop it. I'm literally broken.
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