When do the tears turn to smiles... - Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 02:17 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
kwhit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 4,299
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)
Images: 52
Thanks: 3,568
Thanked 4,638 Times in 1,949 Posts
Unhappy When do the tears turn to smiles...

I lost Chance 5 months ago. I still cry every single day for him. I feel off balance and lost. I miss him so much and still canít believe that Iíll never see him again, touch him again, tell him I love him again...

Iíve accepted that this is my new ďnormalĒ and that my heart will be broken forever, but when will I be able to remember him with a smile instead of tears? I just want him back...

Karen, Chance (RB), Lucy and Savanah (RB)

kwhit is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kwhit For This Useful Post:
diane0905 (05-18-2019), jennretz (04-12-2019)
post #2 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 02:38 PM
Super Moderator

 
swishywagga's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The English Riviera, UK
Posts: 16,087
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Quoted: 296 Post(s)
Images: 11
Thanks: 33,148
Thanked 24,483 Times in 10,691 Posts
I'm so sorry you're feeling sad, I know exactly how you feel. It took me a long time to accept losing my boy, gradually I started to smile thinking about him and all the things he did that made me happy. What helped me enormously was to keep talking and posting about him. Little things here like entering The Photo Contest helped too.

We're all different and grieve in our own ways, I promise you will smile again, it's never going to be the same as it was when your precious Chance was here but you will carry on with his love and memories in your heart. Three and half years on I still cry too but that's what makes us normal, be kind to yourself, I'm sending you a hug.


Barnaby, The Original Swishywagga - Aug 11, 2000 - Sept 24, 2015, Our Beautiful Golden Boy, Forever In Our Hearts.
"Ask not, what your dog can do for you, ask what you can do for your dog".


https://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ior-years.html - Barnaby's Thread
https://www.goldenretrieverforum.com...ony-uncle.html - Dear Uncle Barnaby
swishywagga is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to swishywagga For This Useful Post:
Grom&Gidget13 (02-15-2019), jennretz (04-12-2019), kwhit (02-13-2019)
post #3 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 03:25 PM
Senior Member
 
cwag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Virginia
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 7 Post(s)
Quoted: 342 Post(s)
Thanks: 4,120
Thanked 2,617 Times in 1,423 Posts
Sometimes I still cry for my Honeybear who's been gone 20 years. Not often and I can remember her and smile it just takes a long time and is different for everyone and every dog. I know a new dog will never replace Chance but it can help fill the emptiness. Have you thought about it at all? I went 4 years without a Golden after Tawny died because of circumstances and it became unbearable. I finally found away to make it happen. I am so sorry. Many of us know that extreme pain. I wish you peace.


Lyric Last Jedi - Call name Rukie Bear 05/2017
Eva Bear (Bichon) 09/2005 to 11/2018
Tawny Bear 01/2000 to 10/2012
Honeybear 01/1987 to 07/1999
cwag is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to cwag For This Useful Post:
kwhit (02-13-2019)
post #4 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 03:28 PM
Kate
 
Megora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 19,921
Mentioned: 31 Post(s)
Quoted: 470 Post(s)
Thanks: 9,206
Thanked 15,063 Times in 7,647 Posts
Many years... even when you have other goldens who give you smiles and comfort.

I lost Jacks around the same time and my heart really hurts. I have tears coming down right now just thinking about him. <= And I'm not allowed to cry because Bertie doesn't like it. If I didn't have Bertie, I don't know what I'd do.


Megora is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Megora For This Useful Post:
diane0905 (05-18-2019), kwhit (02-13-2019), Prism Goldens (04-14-2019)
post #5 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 03:59 PM
Advanced Member

 
ceegee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Montreal
Posts: 1,424
Mentioned: 7 Post(s)
Quoted: 204 Post(s)
Thanks: 743
Thanked 2,940 Times in 962 Posts
I'm not sure the sense of loss ever does go away. But at some point it transforms into something that you can pack up and carry with you in your heart.



Duster came to me about a year after I lost Ruby, at a time when I was still angry at the universe for taking her away. I almost didn't get another dog. People who knew I was dogless offered wonderful pups but I could never quite bring myself to say "yes", and it was only when I decided to break a lifelong habit and get a male dog instead of a female that I gathered up enough courage to move forward. I'm glad I did. Duster is about as different from Ruby as it's possible to be, and he's been exactly the right dog to bring me back to life. I'm not tempted to compare him to Ruby, and have been able to give him the place he deserves in my life and my heart.


I still haven't unpacked the wooden box containing Ruby's ashes, but I will, one day soon. Perhaps next month, on the fourth anniversary of her death. Or perhaps not.



There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

Christine

Ruby 13-01-2007 to 18-03-2015.
My dog of a lifetime. I'll miss you forever.
ceegee is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ceegee For This Useful Post:
CAROLINA MOM (02-13-2019), cinge (02-14-2019), Deborus12 (03-15-2019), kwhit (02-13-2019), MushyB (02-13-2019)
post #6 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 04:00 PM
Puddles
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 2,694
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Quoted: 472 Post(s)
Thanks: 1,146
Thanked 2,113 Times in 1,217 Posts
I'm so sorry for the heartbreak. When I lost my 1st golden, Annie it was almost 20 yrs before I decided to try another golden. She was my world, my large oil company had adopted her as the company mascot and welcomed her on all our volunteer adventures. She was a therapy dog and came to work with me on our volunteer days. When she died there was a terrible hole at home & at work... then dropped from the therapy group which made it even worse.
When I lost my last girl Mollie a few years ago it was obvious at my age I didn't have another 20 yrs to mourn. My Sipsy was born the day I lost Mollie and took that as a sign :-) I've never gotten a new pup so quickly after a loss but must admit because Sips was so sick there wasn't too much time to think about much else. I saw glimpses of Mollie in my Sipsy every day and was really surprised at how much it helped me move on. It's like she was still with me and helping me let her go. Both Mollie & Annie will always be in my heart but Sipsy was such a blessing.
I'm not advocating a new puppy, just sharing the pain we have all felt. Sipsy helped me find my smile and allowed me to remember without tears.
puddles everywhere is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to puddles everywhere For This Useful Post:
kwhit (02-13-2019), nolefan (02-13-2019)
post #7 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 04:39 PM
Kristy
 
nolefan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 8,909
Mentioned: 17 Post(s)
Quoted: 401 Post(s)
Thanks: 6,029
Thanked 8,828 Times in 4,630 Posts
I still can't believe Chance is gone.... you all have been such a fixture here for so long. I think it may be years till you can really smile over memories, or you may never honestly smile. It just will be that you are able to not cry. I think it is absolutely normal and ok to cry daily over this loss, it's major. But I do have some concern for you that it is approaching 6 months and you are still in tears daily. Are you able to get out of the house and participate in any of your hobbies or activities that normally make you feel happy? If not, getting some therapy or talking to a counselor may help. Depression is something that can take over sometimes and it is ok to get help to get some relief.

I have always had only one dog at a time in the past. The grief over the death of a special dog would be relentless for me until I brought home a new puppy to love and focus on the future with. I would grieve over the loss of the individual dog but I would also just be miserable living without a dog in my home. Dogs are an integral part of my life since day one.

Puddles' experience made me start thinking that sometimes grief becomes a part of your life and is hard to shake until you make a choice to focus on the future and make the most of the time you have left in this life with the love in your heart being shared. Have you considered that starting a new chapter might be a way to help your heart heal?

Please know that I am sorry for your heartbreak and don't expect you to stop missing Chance ever. But I don't like thinking that you are still crying daily. I hope you will start thinking of taking steps to get some help or maybe working on ideas of things that might help you feel happier.


SHR Richwood Work Hard Play Harder CD JH WC
Ellie

http://www.k9data.com/pedigree.asp?ID=536873
Mack the collie boy
nolefan is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to nolefan For This Useful Post:
ceegee (02-13-2019), cinge (02-14-2019), cwag (02-13-2019), DblTrblGolden2 (02-14-2019), kwhit (02-13-2019), puddles everywhere (02-13-2019)
post #8 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 05:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Rocklin, CA
Posts: 80
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
Thanks: 58
Thanked 31 Times in 25 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by swishywagga View Post
We're all different and grieve in our own ways, I promise you will smile again, it's never going to be the same as it was when your precious Chance was here but you will carry on with his love and memories in your heart. Three and half years on I still cry too but that's what makes us normal, be kind to yourself, I'm sending you a hug.
This is the best advice

It takes time; a different amount for everyone. On March 2 it will be 7 years since my heart-dog crossed Rainbow Bridge; I'll miss him every day until I meet him again. The anniversary of his passing isn't as painful as it was for the first year; many, many tears that day. But I will tell you that *every time* I think of my darling boy, I smile. I'm smiling even as I type this. The sadness will pass in time, and you'll have all the loving memories of your dear Chance, and you will smile.

I'm so sorry for your loss; I truly know how you feel, and I hope your heart feels peace soon. {{{hugs}}}}
MushyB is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MushyB For This Useful Post:
cinge (02-14-2019), kwhit (02-13-2019), swishywagga (02-14-2019)
post #9 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 07:47 PM
Advanced Member
 
brianne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,160
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 34 Post(s)
Thanks: 2,350
Thanked 1,962 Times in 801 Posts
I can't believe it's already been 5 months since sweet Chance left us. Your long-time signature picture of Chance with little Lucy sitting on his back made me smile every single time I saw it.

I agree with the other posters - grief has no timeline, it's a very individual thing. I also hope that you are able to find joy in other parts of your life. Depression can sneak in if you don't take good care of yourself.

Please come here and talk about Chance often - he was and is a beloved part of the GRF family. Chance would want you to be happy. And how is dear Lucy??

When the time feels right, I think Chance will help to guide you to another dog to love.

Sending warm thoughts.

brianne is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to brianne For This Useful Post:
kwhit (02-13-2019)
post #10 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-13-2019, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
kwhit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 4,299
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)
Images: 52
Thanks: 3,568
Thanked 4,638 Times in 1,949 Posts
Thank you so much everyone for your support. �� I doubt there will be another dog in my life. Chance was absolutely perfect for me. We were a team, beyond best friends. I can’t even come close to describing how special our bond was. I’m sure everyone here knows what I mean. I quit thinking of Chance as being a dog many, many years ago. He was my companion, my balance, my light. He was my world.

Lucy is doing well. She became my daughter’s ESA almost 2 years ago. They moved to Seattle this past September, 1 week before Chance passed. I almost asked for her back, but she loves my daughter so much and my daughter feels the same way toward Lucy. They are virtually inseparable. I included a picture from Christmas.

Again, thanks everyone for your support.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	A8C4534F-9DBE-4C31-AFB4-4B0E38AA8EB1.jpeg
Views:	21
Size:	1.14 MB
ID:	812524  

Karen, Chance (RB), Lucy and Savanah (RB)

kwhit is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to kwhit For This Useful Post:
swishywagga (02-14-2019)
Reply

Bookmarks

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome