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Too soon?

1K views 24 replies 25 participants last post by  Willow52 
#1 ·
As some of you know, I lost my boy in early January to Histiocyticsarcoma. But lately I found myself searching for dogs, and wednesday I am supposed to meet a woman to see her Golden pups. My question is, is it too soon to be getting another dog or am I just trying to fill empty space? I don't know if I should because I don't want to feel like I'm trying to replace Bruce. Your thoughts please.
 
#2 ·
I think the right answer is when you feel ready--and you probably are, since you are looking.

I don't see it as you replacing Bruce--as no other dog will ever replace him. But there is nothing wrong with making a new space in your heart for a new dog. I bet Bruce would approve.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. :)
 
#5 ·
Wow...I am sure there are many who feel the same way as you do.

I do not think there is any right or wrong answer. Just follow your heart, you can never go wrong.

All the best and so sorry about your loss.
 
#7 ·
So sorry for your loss of Bruce.
I lost my boy Bailey last year in January and I felt the same way you do. I also felt like I was disrespecting him in some way by even thinking about another. But my house and my heart felt empty without a golden in it. I started looking pretty quick- first at GR rescues, but then knew what I really needed was a pup! Bryley came home with me that April, just a short 3 months after my Bailey left.
Follow your heart! :heartbeat
 
#8 ·
IMO- Bruce would want you to remember all you happy times together not your present sorrow. He would want you to open your house and heart again. There is nothing you could have done to prevent him for getting sick. You gave him your heart and a piece of you will always be with him. Bruce will someday come back to you.

I truly believe this :)

My Zoey passed April 20th- She had just turned 4 (Feb. 11th)- I held her for her first breath and she died in my arms taking her last breath. She died from renal failure causing from poisoning for jerky treats. Later that day a lawsuit was filed against the jerky treat company responsible for Zoey's death- My sign from her was I must educate others and prevent this from happening to others.

Lucky (my 1st golden)- Nov. 14, 2010- Due to liver cancer with mets.- Never even knew he was sick. I still miss him everyday. Less than a week later my grandfather passed after 6 months of being ill he just couldn't bounce back. My grandfather kept moving his hand like he was throwing a tennis ball and tapping his leg. I believe he was seeing Lucky. Lucky needed to leave us to welcome Grandpa over the Bridge. Nov. 14th, 2011- My first thought when I wake up was not it is the anniversary of Lucky's death but I need to get a Golden. I had sudden onset Golden fever- I believe Lucky sent me this message. Dec. 14th- I rescued Buddy, my current golden, he was a physical and emotional mess. He needed me & still does. He loves his life and smiles each and everyday as only a golden can.

Buddy's birthdate is the same day as my cleft plate puppy from Cozy's 2nd litter passed. For all I know Harley was taking his last breath as Buddy took his first.

My Cozy is just like my mom's Bichon, Bijou, we had when by brother and I were growing up- Extremely faithful, adores her family, and she would protect her family til the end if she feels threatened. She was potentially have been conceived on the 4th Anniversary of Bijou's passing. Cozy was also returned to her breeder due to a sudden cancer diagnosis by her first new mommy.

I am not a big spiritual person but I can't ignore dates.

Follow your heart. Bruce will always be with you. There is another pup out there who needs you. When the time is right they will find you.
 
#9 ·
Sorry for your loss.

We all cope differently. You will NEVER forget your other dog no matter how cute and cuddly your new puppy will be. However, if they have a different temperament or personality, treat your new puppy as a different dog. I just got my first dog, but I've seen many who tried to "re-live" a prior dog through a new one and it just didn't work out. Each dog is a little bit (or alot) different from each other and should be treated accordingly.

As to whether you're trying to fill a void or it being too soon is your decision. If I were in your position and if it just doesn't feel right yet, I wouldn't. I don't really think there is a real "courtesy" rule as to when is the "perfect time" to get a new puppy as it's up to how we cope and how long it takes. You'll know when the time is right. That being said, it doesn't hurt to visit the breeder, that'll really stir up your thoughts and emotions, so see how you feel with the prospect of a new puppy fairly soon instead of a little bit more down the road.
 
#10 ·
I've never been able to replace my wonderful, well-loved dogs who've gone to the Bridge and I don't think you can replace Bruce either; but I have been able to acknowledge what they meant to me and my life by moving ahead and giving another unique individual a forever home and another piece of my heart.

The longest I've ever been able to make it without a dog in my home over the last forty years has been one month....one miserable, lonely, empty month.

I understand those who can't envision getting another so soon and I understand that waiting may be right for them...it just doesn't seem to work for me and I firmly believe that my fur family waiting at the Bridge agree.

As the others have said, follow your heart...there's no right and there's no wrong.
 
#11 ·
The thing is, Bruce gave you a lot of love and now you need to pass it along to another dog. I'm a real believer if honoring the memories of those who have passed by passing the love forward. I hope you find just the right new dog. Best wishes.
 
#12 · (Edited)
If you are looking then no, I dont think its too soon. When we lost our girl there was a short period I couldnt contemplate looking or thinking about it and then I found mself "thinking' and then 'browsing',.. all without intention..until suddenly there was Chesters litter and out of nowhere,..I needed to have him. I didnt undersand it and I worried about it, felt guilty and worried if I was doing the right thing...but when we went to see him and I held him for the first time I cried and cried and cried. Emotions came from so deep and I knew they didnt just belong to him but to her too...but it was right and once I had wiped those tears away,..I was ready for him to be totally ours. Hes the best decision I made and I still miss her, I still cry about her but he didnt replace her, he just helped to heal a part of me and be her little brother.
Go see the pups and if it feels right, it is,..if your heart doesnt fold,..I would say your pup hasnt found you yet. No dog can replace Bruce but they can find a place in your heart in their own right. I am so sorry about Bruce, let him help guide you,..I am sure mine helped me make that first contact for Chester :)
Like Mike T, there are dates and events in Chesters life that match ours and just seemed to happen without reason and sometimes.. things are just meant to be.
 
#13 ·
Like everyone has said, you are not replacing him, you are opening your heart to another. I believe our hearts have a limitless ability to love, you never run out of space, so you never replace those you've loved before.
I'm in the process of having a dog with hemangiosarcoma so I know she won't be with me much longer. Before she was diagnosed I started talking to breeders about a pup. After diagnosis I decided to go ahead with the puppy. Sometimes I feel guilty, but I know the puppy is not a replacement for Bear. I just hope Bear will still be here to welcome the bundle home in a few weeks
 
#14 ·
You've gotten some great advice from the previous posters. I can only echo their sentiments. We lost 2 elderly pets (a dog & cat) within 10 days of each other last June. Our house felt sad, lonely, EMPTY. Just 2 short months after losing my girls, we adopted our 5 year old Golden, Chumlee from a rescue group. I couldn't stop looking at his picture online and our family just knew this was the guy who was meant to be part of our family. He desperately needed us to understand him and give him the chance he deserved and we desperately needed to scratch long, silky ears again. We got in the car and drove 6 hours to pick him up, sight unseen, and have not regretted it.

Chumlee has not replaced our girls, but he has helped to heal our hearts. Do what feels right. I wouldn't be surprised if your Bruce was planting these ideas in your mind....
 
#16 ·
In my case finding a senior golden 10 years ago reminded me of how wonderful dogs are and how much love they bring into your life.

I resued four more adult/senior goldens in the 7 years following my first find of gold treasure.

I find that helping a new dog have a good life helps me immensely with the grief of losing one. I got my second rescue four days after Tramp died adn the others within a few weeks of losing one.

Every one is an individual and we move at our own pace. NO, we are not replacing, we are letting another one into our heart. I think my rainbow bridge boys have always led me to the new one becasue they still love me and want me to be happy which I cannot be without a dog or two or three or four.
 
#17 ·
I'm not a good once to give you any advice, I lost Taz last Feb. at the age of 15.5, he'd been with us since he was 8 weeks old. A little over two weeks later I adopted a young Golden boy from my County H. S-I wasn't really ready for another dog, but my Roxy who is a former puppy mill momma was grieving and all the progress we had made with her over the years was quickly slipping away. She will always need to be with another dog and I felt Remy would be a perfect fit for her.

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time, only you can decide when you are ready to open your heart again to love and happiness. The hurt and emptiness was unbearable for us, we didn't want to continue going on like that either.

I don't regret adopting Remy at all I just wish the circumstances would have been different. If we hadn't lost Taz we wouldn't have Remy. Had I not adopted Remy, I would have missed out on so much love and so much fun with him. He's brought joy and love back into our lives and has helped our hearts heal.

You can never replace one dog with another, each dog is very unique, special in their own way and they bring something very special to your life.

Remy reminds me alot of Taz in manys way when Taz was his age-he'll do something like Taz use to do and it brings back so many memories. That can never be taken away from you, your former dog will always be with you and lives forever in your heart.
 
#18 ·
Complete agreement with all the others. Getting a Golden to love doesn't mean you don't miss Bruce and doesn't mean you've replaced him.

I remember when I knew my heart horse was terminal and at the same time knew I never wanted to be without a horse. A friend told me that my new horse was not 'instead of' but 'in addition to'.

Bruce will always be alive in your heart, there's room for another Golden there and in your home.

Of course pictures from your puppy visit are mandatory!!
 
#19 ·
IMO, you have alot of love in your heart to give to another dog.

And maybe the challenge...(hahaha) of raising another puppy will heal your heart faster.

I read this somewhere and I think it's so true.
A house is not a home without a dog.


Bruce was one of a kind, he can never be replaced.....
 
#20 ·
You need to decide for yourself but it sounds like your ready.It took two long years( for me)before my wife would let me think about another dog & I was lonley for a pup everyday.I know Tawny & Sailor are glad I got Jack & I think Bruce will be glad for you.Trust me you won't be forgetting or replacing him just starting to move on.
 
#21 ·
I don't think it is too soon. I have lost two goldens over the years to cancer and found it was too quiet coming home from work to an empty house so after each loss, I got another one. Don't look at it as replacing but as filling a void. You will always miss and remember your boy/girl but life is always sweeter with a golden around.:)
 
#22 ·
Every time I have lost a dog---and I have lost many over the past 55 years (the first when I was 11) my hert broke, i creid for days, but i always got another as soon as possible and loved it every bit as much as I did the one I had just lost.

I have never stopped loving or missing any of them. I always will. You can never "replace" a ;loved pet/friend/companion, any more than you can replace a much loved human friend/companion. But you can let another into your life and it him/her to the fullest.
 
#25 ·
My Maggie went to Rainbow Bridge on July 20, 2009. Hank came home August 12, 2009. There is no magic right or wrong time. He helped us to remember all those puppy antics that were long forgotten and brought life back to a too-quiet house. Hank may have replaced Maggie in our home but never in our hearts.
 
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