Join Date: Oct 2014
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Walking to Rainbow Bridge, but unsure of the path
Merry is my sweetest friend. Actually itís Merryandrew (one who entertains others by means of comic antics; a clown). My silly little golden puppy is now 15 years old and weíre walking a path thatís not familiar to either of us and itís confusing, scary, heart breaking.
I have always taken such great care of my pup, but now find myself feeling guilty and unsure. Guilty because Iím keeping her here and then guilty because Iím planning to let her go. In the past several weeks my neighbors have been coming up to me and asking how Merry is because they can see that she is struggling with walking. Yet when I consulted my vets about 1 month ago (yes, I have two different vets-- my regular vet that we have gone to for 15 years and a holistic vet for acupuncture and alternative medications) they both said not yet.
Miss Merry had vestibular disease last Dec. it took a while, but we got through it and all of that time I was OK with pushing through even when she couldnít stand for many days because her body was very strong. She had some seizures in the spring and a relapse of the vestibular on Memorial Day. Unfortunately, as the summer has gone on, her ability to walk has deteriorated. We have a cabinet full of pain meds, metacam and tramadol are the mix that works for her, with a massage every other week. We have also been to laser therapy, acupuncture, tried gabapentin, pain plus (holistic) but, in the end of the day, Iím not able to stop this change in her physiology. Some days are Ok, but now she needs help standing up. Once we are going, Ok but she occasionally falls because her legs slip out from under her. I have bought rugs to cover the floor, and then different rugs, because we learned that the rugs with texture were better, and multiple types of harnesses, helpíemíup (which she hated), considered boots, but again, no matter what I do or buy sheís still struggling. Itís hard for her to do her business, and although Iím sure the meds and other things help, sheís not pain free, unless perhaps sheís sleeping or if I up the medications to levels that basically make her unalert.
Itís been a long time since she has rolled in the grass, trotted with her tail up, stole my slippers, played with her toys. So we are going to the bridge next week. One minute I think Iím doing the right thing and then a few hours later I have doubt. Iíve prayed and prayed and prayed that God would take her in her sleep but I donít think itís going to happen that way. I know that I have to find peace with this decision inside myself, but I could really use a little encouragement from those that have walked this path.
Karen, Merryís mom