Walking to Rainbow Bridge, but unsure of the path - Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums
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post #1 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 03:58 PM Thread Starter
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Walking to Rainbow Bridge, but unsure of the path

Merry is my sweetest friend. Actually itís Merryandrew (one who entertains others by means of comic antics; a clown). My silly little golden puppy is now 15 years old and weíre walking a path thatís not familiar to either of us and itís confusing, scary, heart breaking.

I have always taken such great care of my pup, but now find myself feeling guilty and unsure. Guilty because Iím keeping her here and then guilty because Iím planning to let her go. In the past several weeks my neighbors have been coming up to me and asking how Merry is because they can see that she is struggling with walking. Yet when I consulted my vets about 1 month ago (yes, I have two different vets-- my regular vet that we have gone to for 15 years and a holistic vet for acupuncture and alternative medications) they both said not yet.

Miss Merry had vestibular disease last Dec. it took a while, but we got through it and all of that time I was OK with pushing through even when she couldnít stand for many days because her body was very strong. She had some seizures in the spring and a relapse of the vestibular on Memorial Day. Unfortunately, as the summer has gone on, her ability to walk has deteriorated. We have a cabinet full of pain meds, metacam and tramadol are the mix that works for her, with a massage every other week. We have also been to laser therapy, acupuncture, tried gabapentin, pain plus (holistic) but, in the end of the day, Iím not able to stop this change in her physiology. Some days are Ok, but now she needs help standing up. Once we are going, Ok but she occasionally falls because her legs slip out from under her. I have bought rugs to cover the floor, and then different rugs, because we learned that the rugs with texture were better, and multiple types of harnesses, helpíemíup (which she hated), considered boots, but again, no matter what I do or buy sheís still struggling. Itís hard for her to do her business, and although Iím sure the meds and other things help, sheís not pain free, unless perhaps sheís sleeping or if I up the medications to levels that basically make her unalert.

Itís been a long time since she has rolled in the grass, trotted with her tail up, stole my slippers, played with her toys. So we are going to the bridge next week. One minute I think Iím doing the right thing and then a few hours later I have doubt. Iíve prayed and prayed and prayed that God would take her in her sleep but I donít think itís going to happen that way. I know that I have to find peace with this decision inside myself, but I could really use a little encouragement from those that have walked this path.
Karen, Merryís mom
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post #2 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 04:15 PM
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Karen, I understand what you're saying. I had to make the same decision for our old girl. Come February, it will be 2 years. You have given your pup a rich, rewarding life full of love and Merry returned it with love and devotion. Then comes the time we all dread, when we must give them our last gift and set them free from suffering. I know it's hard. I'm praying for you. May God bless and comfort you.
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post #3 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 04:18 PM
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Karen
Many Golden lovers here feel your pain. I am so sorry.
May peace be with you and your decision is based on love.
Al

My Buddy TuffDog.
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post #4 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 04:27 PM
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I'm sorry you are at this point in time. I have walked your path -- 3 times I had to make the decision and it is never an easy decision. It's a very personal decision and everyone is different so you need to decide what is best and what you are most comfortable doing, and you will because you love her. I try to very realistically weigh their quality of life and when the bad days out number the good days I also take into consideration what could happen. It's just me and I am one of those people who rather be a day early than a day late. If something happened and my dog was in distress I'm not sure I would be able to forgive myself. Look in her eyes and look in your heart and you will find the strength whatever your decision is. Keeping you and Merry in my thoughts and prayers.

Harley
It was always about you -
Found his forever home on 3/18/07
Returned to his eternal home on 1/09/13
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post #5 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you Kathy, Al, and '1Oldparson I so appreciate your prayers.
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post #6 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 04:42 PM
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Hi Karen,

I'm so sorry you are faced with making this decision. I have found it to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I've been through it too many times and I don't feel it gets any easier each time.

I had to say good bye to my bridge boy almost four years ago, he was 15.5. He was experiencing some of the same problems as Merry is having with walking and falling. He also had cancer, wasn't eating much. I knew it was time to set him free.

Merry will let you know when it's time. I couldn't bear the thought of him not being with me anymore but knowing he was suffering and in pain was even more unbearable for me.

Although I miss him and always will, I am at peace knowing he is no longer suffering. I believe he is whole again and enjoying life as he once did when he was young.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make this decision.
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post #7 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-30-2014, 11:06 PM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and Merry that you will feel at peace when the time is right.
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post #8 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-31-2014, 01:54 PM
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Dear Karen,
I have no wise advice to give you but I know for sure that your decision, tough as it may be, is the best for your Merry. Afterall, you brought her up for 15 long golden years, how could it not be the most loving care for her. My thoughts are with you.
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post #9 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-31-2014, 02:09 PM
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Karen, Having made this decision I understand the pain and confusion you are feeling. With Henry I knew that I loved him enough to let him go and that to keep him was selfish of me, there is never a day go by when I don't wish for another hour with him. Yes I felt guilty but less so as the months pass, but in my heart I always knew I had done the right thing at the right time. You as others here have done will feel the right time for you and Merry, it is the hardest decision but it also the decision that shows how much you love her by setting her free from her ties of pain. I wish you strength for the days that come, my thoughts are with you and your beautiful girl.
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post #10 of 153 (permalink) Old 10-31-2014, 02:19 PM
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I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. I understand.
Something my vet said when I took my very first pet (a cat) and was unsure about the timing was: "It's ok to go on a good day".
I think she meant we don't have to wait until they're in such horrible shape.
It doesn't alleviate the uncertainty ... but when I think what would I want for myself, some dignity and pain free would be better than no dignity and unbearable pain.
Wishing you and Merry peace.


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and Boomer (avatar pic) with us in spirit always
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