Join Date: Jul 2007
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Buck Sept 13, 1994- July 8,2007
This maybe a bit long, but its what I said for Buck tonight. I wanted to share and though all of it might not make since to everyone, Buck new just what I meant we said our good byes on a walkway on the bridge over looking the river about 6:45 this evening.
Today we gather to say goodbye to our friend Buck. Buck was a kind 12 year old golden who stole our hearts away forever. Buck had many things he liked to do but here are the ones that come to mind: Buck enjoyed playing ball with his Johnny he was a great pitcher combination outfielder for tball no matter where the ball went you couldn't beat him to it. He liked swims in Sipsey river and hikes to his favorite water fall on Canney Creek. He was a cuddler snuggle bear in storms, but boy did he get angry when he smelled Kodiak on us ( my dad's german shep.) He and mommy enjoyed many sleepless long nights watching COPS, because he loved to watch the other dogs. His favorite snack was popcorn, oh how will miss watching you catch every piece we threw your way. Occasionaly he shopped from the garbage can, but you were so sweet picking out the one item you wanted that we never even cared. I will miss the entusiasm in which you protected your turf you loved us to watch you run off wildlife and looked at us as if to say I'm taking care of you. You are missed on our daily walks, the kids miss you chasing them on the bikes and I miss you giving up and slowing down so I could catch you and we would walk side by side talking about how they'd grown and what a good boy you are to always protect them. I miss my yard mowing buddy, no more long breaks on the porch for me. I miss the way when you swam you came and got me all wet so I would get in even when I didn't feel like it. You are missed at the bus stop, me waiting along on the kids, and the kids are still looking for you to come and get your petting. I miss the feel of you big soft head felt in my lap and your handsome brown eyes saw clear through me. You brought new joy to my life at a time that I thought I could feel no joy. No one but me will ever know how those eyes knew everything I said and how it felt to cry myself to sleep with no one but you to know I was hurting and only your soft fur to dry away my tears. I regret my actions everyday and everynight. There are so many what ifs. The worst part is knowing I failed my most faithful companion. I always thought I would just know when you weren't able to go anymore. I also thought as long as you were able it would be cruel to leave you out. I didn't ever stop to think that it could be your last. I'm so sorry I left you At first in the river I thought you looked so happy we might have our miracle, then as we struggled to get you out and got you on the bank. I saw you couldn't go and we were running out of options. I saw you were down and couldn't get up, I watched as you sleep and you developed that funny breathing that you couldn't last. I went back in the next day with a wagon and shovel hoping to bring back out my sweet boy, but being prepared to bury you if things were that bad. I never thought you could have moved until I got there and you were gone. It pains me to think about how you got up and moved I tried forever to get you to stand up and you couldn't I just hope that you understood what had happened I know what I told you but I hope you heard and understood. I wish I would have been strong enough to stay, I know you know who made the decission and I think remembering the boy you were you would have wanted those kids out of there, and understood that it took both of us to get them away. I know now it was my own weaknesses and fear that keep me from staying, and momma is sorry I let you down. You deserved better than me. In the days and weeks to come I searched high and low, we posted signs and knocked on doors and spent endless hours on forest roads trying to figure out where you went to. We prayed hard for your return and some great hikers even went back in to look again. All along my head and my heart couldn't agree on where you were, but today I realized it is time to say our final goodbyes. You left this life on the banks of your favorite river somewhere in the forest. I hope it wasn't nearly as scarey and painful as my nightmares of it. I know you loved the woods and water all your life and I hope this was a comfort to you. I hope you remembered we loved you and its not how I wanted it to end. Words could never express our grief and pain over our bad decissions. I'm sorry for the way it ended, such a beautiful boy who deserved much better. I picture you with Scout resting on the banks of a river. There the current is never to strong, the water is just the right temp, you swim awhile and then Scout cleans those ears in that funny way ya'll used to do. There are no guns nor thunder to scare my sweet babies and all the sticks you could ever retrieve float down the river. I hope that one day our family will be reunited again and we can all have that big Buck group hug we are all dreaming of. Rest peacefully my sweet Buck.