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post #1 of (permalink) Old 03-19-2008, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Waiting for our new pot of gold...

I'll introduce myself. My name is Heidi and I'm from Minnesota. I was the proud owner of a 8, almost 9 year old golden boy. My story is sad. He was my best friend. He went everywhere with me and was spoiled rotton. He was loved by everyone who knew me. Last Monday he started acting weird and not eating and seemed like he was in pain. He's always suffered from bad hips so I gave him some asprin. I then went to massage his back like I do often and found a huge mass on his side that was NOT there a week ago. It was rock hard. We rushed him to the vet and she said he had a high fever and an infection of some sort and was anemic. She said it could be cancer. We had x-rays done and it was a tumor. I chose to operate on Thursday morning. The night before I knew it was all over for him. He was in pain and I just knew it was going to be so bad that they couldn't help him. I said goodbye to him that night and we took him to the vet the next morning. We were with him when they sedated him and he collapsed with exhaustion. We put him on the table and said we loved him and prayed for a miracle during surgery. An hour later I got the call that the tumor was all over his abdomen and engolfing his kidney and the tumor was growing into his tissue and muscles all along his back. My world just stopped. I knew what I had to do and I did it, we chose to put him out of his misery. It was the worst day of my life I think. We buried him that afternoon and I spend the rest of my weekend bawling over it. It was too soon. I really thought I had 3-4 more good years with him. He spent a lot of time outside this winter. Someone told me he may have been separating himself from his family since he was probably sick a long time ago but never showed it other than his lameness from his hips....

But the oddest things were happening at home. I'm not crazy either! We hear him sometimes, then one day I was home alone asking him to give me a sign that he was okay and what I did was okay. The guilt was killing me. The vet couldn't do anything for him either. I spent the day home alone and picked up and begged him to give me a sign. I was in a room where there's a huge mirror and I was thinking, just give me a sign Tanner....later that night I went in the same room and the mirror was busted! Nobody's been in that room for two weeks. My two year old can't even reach this mirror. It was the freakiest thing I ever had happen to me but after I saw it, it was almost like a rush of relief came over me and ever since then it's been getting easier....I'm so thankful my 2 year old doesn't understand what's going on or that she even misses him. She just don't get it...

We are awaiting approval to adopt through RAGOM for a surrendered golden. Patiently waiting.....

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