I'm having a hard time finding an outlet to talk to about my girl. People are understanding around me but they don't want to keep hearing about Magic all time. (And I'm not talking about GRF.) But what I really want and need is to just talk to her, and put into words whenever I need to, how I felt, how I feel, how I miss her. I want to share what is going on in our life now as I would if she were standing by my side. I know there are countless others out there who are grieving the loss of their babies and are afraid that they will be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of life.
So with this thread please feel free to talk directly to your babies, tell them what you need to tell them as many times and as often as you need to. And know that so many of us feel this with you. I hope this provides many of us with some healing and a place to be heard whenever we need it.
Dear Emmy it has been 7 long weeks since we had to let you go to the Bridge. We miss you more than words can say. You are in our hearts and thoughts and our love for you is forever. I miss your snuggle time with me, I miss your big brown eyes, I miss watching you run for the ball and remember how sometimes you would roll over after picking it up, I miss your happy dance when you wanted a cookie and I miss touching your soft fur. I know you are pain free and happy and I know you are with your golden brothers. The days are hard but some day I will be with all of you again. I LOVE YOU!
Mommy
Dear Tazz
I miss how we played together. You would stare at the kong...then I would move one foot...then you would move. You kept one eye on the kong and one eye on me. I never did get to that kong first and I can honestly stay...I never let you win. Oh how do I miss you.
Hercules my sweet best friend, it has only been five days since I sent you to the bridge but it feels like years since I woke up to your sweet smiling face. Every day is a battle for me and I feel my grief will be never ending. Although my time with you was way too short it was the best time of my life.
I love you forever my best friend!
I am so very sorry for your loss of Hercules and the pain you are feeling without him.
I know what you're going through, I lost my boy in Feb. 2011-the days seem so long and empty, and the pain and loss you feel is unbearable.
The days turn into weeks, then months, and then it's a year since you last touched them. When it was a year for us without our boy, it many ways it seemed like it was only yesterday because the pain and loss were still so real. In other ways it seemed like it was a life time ago since we'd touched him.
Time helps ease your pain, it may never go away completely but Hercules will forever be with you in spirit and he will always have a special place in your heart. The day will come when you will be at peace with his passing and you will look forward to the day you are reunited again.
My thoughts are with you, try to remember he'll always be right by your side. I truly believe they are watching over us and waiting for us to join them.
SBennett36, I am very sorry for your loss of Hercules. I remember when you said he was momma's boy following you everywhere, he still does I am sorry we humans can not see it.
My sweet boy, June 15th was your birthday. Happy Birthday boy! You would have been 11. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I miss you every day.
I have a heavy heart this morning. I love you and miss you my Buddy same like yesterday, same like a day before. Having you was having a treasure, loving you was a pleasure, losing you was hard but knowing I will never have you back is even harder.
Jesse, it has been almost two weeks since we had to let you go. I'm not doing too well without you. I wake in the morning and your not next to the bed. As I make dinner you are not at my feet waiting for something to fall on the ground. When I go to sleep at night, your not there, protecting me.
I cleaned out the car the other day. Your fur was everywhere and I found your old collar. That made me cry. I washed all your dog beds. What do I do with them? Keep them? What about your toys? Especially the squeaky lamb...you loved that thing so much. It hurts to look at it.
I did one of our runs the other day. I ran by that place where I yelled at you like a crazy person. Sorry about that. I was frustrated and I should not have taken it out on you. I think about all the times I scolded/yelled at you. I'd take them back if I could.
You trusted me and I was so suppose to love and protect you, not let any harm come to you. So I feel like I betrayed you by letting you go and I'm sorry for that. I hope you're not angry with me but you could barely walk anymore and you were losing your appetite. The cancer was moving to quickly. It would have been dark days ahead. I hope you understand.
I'm worried about you at the Rainbow bridge. You always enjoyed hanging out with people more than dogs. But try to find a dog friend and be happy.
You were my first dog. I didn't know what I was doing, but we figured it out. Everyone always commented on how well behaved and beautiful you were. I really lucked out with you. I was so shy before you came into my life. You helped me talk to people and be more outgoing. I'm starting to revert back to my old ways without you. I'm just trying to make it through the days one at a time, hoping the next day will be better. So far, not so much.
I dropped an egg on the floor last night making dinner. It took me a couple of beats to figure out why you weren't there lapping it up. As much as I love to cook, I loath the kitchen now. My assistant and taste tester isn't there anymore, sitting directly in the middle of everything so I would have to step over you to get to the fridge or stove.
The cats are being very affectionate, unusually so. I wondered if they think I got rid of you so now they're worried about their outcome. I'd rather think they know I need love right now. Linus started sleeping in one of your dog beds...don't know how I feel about that.
I'm still having a hard time making it through the day without you. Each night I go to bed I'm so glad that the day has ended and I've made it through another day without you next to me. It seems like I'm just faking my way through life right now until it gets better. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying everyday, but I guess I just have to work through it.
I love and miss you best friend. Hope you have found a friend at the bridge and are having fun.
Everything you said about Jesse, reminds me of my Smooch, too! I'm sure Jesse has made friends my Smooch and Snobear at the Rainbow Bridge and we will all be reunited someday!!
I've never had a dog before and didn't particularly want one. But my husband kept insisting. He had a ton of dogs growing up. I had cats. "You'll love having a dog. I'll take care of everything, I'll do all the work".
After the first week, that was it. She went everywhere with me, did everything with me. I love my husband more than anything, but I've spent more time with Jesse in the past five years than I have with him. She really was my best friend. Going from a loving 24/7 presence to nothing is just so painful. I know everyone wants more time with their dogs, but 5 years was just not long enough...
Pouncysilver, your Jess was a very beautiful girl. I am so sorry for your loss of her. I know your pain, it's unbearable, but it does get better with time. You have to let yourself grieve, let your heart heal, and some how along the way try to find peace knowing she's in heaven.
I've had 5 dogs pass away in the last 17 years. It never gets any easier each time. I think when you loose your first one, you have no idea how much it's going to hurt or how it will effect you. You can't imagine something you've never experienced before and when it happens it hits you like a ton of bricks.
I lost my 15.5 year old Golden boy Feb. 2011. I had forgotten how much it hurt to have to say goodbye, until it was time to say goodbye to him. It also made me realize that eventually the pain would go away and instead of feeling numb and crying, that the day would come when I would be able to smile when I thought about him. I still have days where I cry some, we think of him everyday and wish he was still with us, but we also smile alot now when we remember some of the silly things he use to do. I see alot of him too in my new boy.
My dad and my FIL are in heaven, I like to think that our old boy found them and are keeping them company or maybe he's become a best buddy to some one who always wanted a dog here on earth but never had the opportunity to have one.
I find comfort in knowing that one day we will be together again with him and my other dogs that crossed before him. My boy had cancer, he was in pain and suffering, I find peace knowing that he's no longer suffering and with his passing, but I still miss him, we always will, he was one of a kind just like your Jesse was to you.
Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl Jesse.
Yesterday was hard without you. Thursdays were always our special fun day, especially in the evening. I took our usual super hike at the nature park that you loved so much. It has really hot and humid though...I think you would have been miserable, even with you jumping in all the lakes and streams.
Then I picked up dinner and a movie. It was crushingly lonely not being able to give you little tidbits of my dinner or have you on the sofa with me to watch the movie. We always had kind of a "date" night while dad was out doing his thing.
Dad misses you a lot too, although we don't really talk about it. I've been doing most of my crying while he's out of the house. I don't want to bring him down even more than he already is. I'm so grateful when bed time comes yet I dread tomorrow. This house is so empty, it feels like a weight pressing down on me.
I meant to tell you, we took your ashes out to Butner last Saturday and spread them in one of the fields you like, under the shade of a big tree. You loved that place! Every Sunday, rain or shine. And the deer you chased! You were a deer chasing fool.
PouncySilver, I am just now seeing your posts, I am very, very sorry for your loss of sweet Jesse. She was beautiful girl. Losing her so young, 5 years old, is beyond acceptance.
Your story reminds me so much on ours. 13 months ago it was me writing my first post on this forum, 5 weeks after I lost my Buddy and couldn’t deal with the pain of losing him on my own. Same sad mornings, first week was take out, no way I could spend time in the kitchen cooking, going to work and coming back after just a few hours there, taking long afternoon naps because I could not function and long, long cries. Never felt that unbearable pain before, especially those first few months. With time passing it gets easier to some point, but . . . The beds were washed weeks later and given to rescues, food, treats, medications, toys all but a few. My Buddy’s favorite toy I did not wash. I hope my Buddy found your Jesse to be a friend with and they are happy there.
Run free, play hard, sleep softly sweet Jesse girl.
My Dear Katie
Its been a real tough week. Its been almost nine months and I still miss you and cry at times when I think of you. You still can make Dad smile when I think of some of the goofy things that you did. Im not sure why it's been such a tough week,maybe because it's been so hot here and Lilly has spent a lot of time in the pool. I know how much you loved the pool and you and Lilly would always chase each other over the tennis ball. I keep trying to get Lilly a playmate but it hasn't worked out for some reason. I miss you sleeping under my bed and poking me with that cold wet nose in the morning. I have a large picture of you in Lake Michigan with a tennis ball hanging out of your mouth over the bed. I say good night and good morning every day. Oh how I miss you, Lilly is doing better but I know she needs a playmate. I miss seeing you run around the edge of the pool with a ball in your mouth. At least you aren't in pain any longer. Love you and miss you more every day.
My Dear Katie
Its been a real tough week. Its been almost nine months and I still miss you and cry at times when I think of you. You still can make Dad smile when I think of some of the goofy things that you did. Im not sure why it's been such a tough week,maybe because it's been so hot here and Lilly has spent a lot of time in the pool. I know how much you loved the pool and you and Lilly would always chase each other over the tennis ball. I keep trying to get Lilly a playmate but it hasn't worked out for some reason. I miss you sleeping under my bed and poking me with that cold wet nose in the morning. I have a large picture of you in Lake Michigan with a tennis ball hanging out of your mouth over the bed. I say good night and good morning every day. Oh how I miss you, Lilly is doing better but I know she needs a playmate. I miss seeing you run around the edge of the pool with a ball in your mouth. At least you aren't in pain any longer. Love you and miss you more every day.
I am sorry Mike you have a tough week. I know how much you miss your girl. Never expected it could last so long but it seems it will never stop, we will always miss having them around. Sometimes I just sit there and stare in the picture, just waiting for one blank of the eye. I so wish they could be back just for a minute, for one more hug. Thinking of you today.
Missing you a lot today. Went for another one of our runs this morning. I think I'm going to have to find another way to exercise for a while. You were my running buddy and I'm finding it difficult to run without you or find a run that doesn't remind me of you. Also, it's very difficult to run when you're crying. I spend the entire hour thinking of you, replaying things in my mind. I'm almost convinced that there is something I did or didn't do that caused you to have cancer at such a young age. Was it the food I gave you? Did I take you running to much? Was it the medications for your allergies? I don't know. Then I replay the last year. When did you start getting sick and could I have seen it and done something? Maybe there was a warning sign or something and I totally missed it. You probably tried to tell me in some stoic way you weren't up to snuff and I missed it. I'm sorry boo. Maybe we could have caught it sooner.
Then I started thinking about the last six months or so. You really had a crappy year. We never could figure out your allergies and we tried everything! Then your TPLO surgery. And just when you had finally recovered from that you came up lame with the cancer. But we didn't know what it was so we were in and out the vet/NCSU for a good couple months. What kills me is that you just endured it like you always do. All the tests, the poking/prodding, overnight vet stays. You were such a trooper. I'm sorry hon. I was trying to do what I though was best for you. That last time I picked you up from the vet you hobbled to me and just tucked your head into me, telling me "no more, please, no more". And I agreed.
I hope you remember all the fun we had and not those last six months or so. Remember the beach and the hunting trip to North Dakota? And the house in Tennessee with all the kids and dogs? And how you loved hotel rooms! You went nuts! The trips to Asheville, the trip to Pilot Mountain. You were so tired after that one we had to help you in the car. I'm sorry we never got to take you backpacking, that was suppose to be this fall. I think you would have really dug that.
What I really miss is coming home to find you sleeping in my office in your bed. Rolled over on you back, belly showing. I'd flop to the floor and cover your little schnogin with kisses then slap the belly a couple times. And you would give a little contented *sigh*....
Pouncysilver I am so sorry about your loss of Jesse. We are never prepared to lose them and 5 years old is just not fair. I lost Magic in March of 2011 and it still hurts. But most of the time the memories are good and we think about our sweet girl often. We talk about the things she would have liked doing when we are out with the other dogs. Jazz was part of our family when we lost Magic and then Maverick joined us last August. No dog could ever replace Magic but they bring that continued joy to our lives. I know she would have wanted it that way.
It sounds like you did all the right things for Jesse, the most important being that you let her go when it was right for her. I know it hurts.....but it will get better and you will think of her with a big smile. Perhaps someday you will welcome a new face and I'm sure Jesse would approve.
Magic, Keep an eye out for Jesse, share your tennis balls with her and keep her safe until her Mom can see her again. I love and miss you my sweet silly girl. Jazzy sends her love and says thank you for sending Maverick her way. But you are still her #1 buddy. Love Mommy
Well, Savanah, today is your 15th birthday. I'm sure they're throwing you a big party at the Bridge with lots and lots of bread.
I miss you so much, sweetie...I can't believe that it's been four years since I was last with you. It feels like yesterday. Chance, Lucy and I are planning a candle lighting birthday party for you tonight. They'll each get a piece of bread in your honor. I hope you'll be able to see the candle from the bridge.
I love you with all my heart, Savanah, and I alwys will. Have a great birthday and know that the special part of my heart that holds you close to me grows bigger everyday.
Well, Savanah, today is your 15th birthday. I'm sure they're throwing you a big party at the Bridge with lots and lots of bread.
I miss you so much, sweetie...I can't believe that it's been four years since I was last with you. It feels like yesterday. Chance, Lucy and I are planning a candle lighting birthday party for you tonight. They'll each get a piece of bread in your honor. I hope you'll be able to see the candle from the bridge.
I love you with all my heart, Savanah, and I alwys will. Have a great birthday and know that the special part of my heart that holds you close to me grows bigger everyday.
Happy Birthday beautiful Savanah! I know Golda will be there to help her celebrate. He always loved the pretty women. I know that Max and Di will be there as well. I know how bittersweet these birthdays and anniversaries can be.
It's been 1 month since we let you go and it's not any easier. I've been thinking about you a lot the last couple days. I thought I kind of had a handle on the grief thing, but it seems to be cycling back on me. Maybe because it's been a month.
The yard looks like crap because I have no desire to work in the yard without you. I think I've put on a bit of weight because your not here to walk with me. I've tried changing up my routine, doing different activities so everything does not remind me of you, but it's not working real well. It really does feel like a small chunk of my heart is gone and I wonder if this will ever go away.
I took the cats to the vet the other day for their 3 year rabies shots. I noticed the vets all carefully avoiding me...I assume because they knew I would start to cry if they brought up the subject of you. Anyway, one of the vet techs asked me how I was doing and wanted to make sure that I knew how much everyone there completely loved you. She said when I would come in with you, everyone would fight over you. She said they would all just fawn over you in the back and that you really were the sweetest dog they had ever seen. I agreed. Apparently a lot of them were torn up upon hearing of your passing. I thought that was nice. I just thought you should know that I wasn't the only one who thought you were the best, most perfect dog in the whole world.
I'm still running, but it's so depressingly lonely. I really have no desire to try to stay healthy. You were my reason. I miss our evening weeding sessions. I would weed, you would roll in the grass. You loved the feel of the grass. You could spend a good hour doing that. Yard is full of weeds now.
I miss smelling your little paws. Dad thought I was crazy. "Don't stick your nose in her paws!". But they always smelled of fresh, clean earth to me. I miss that smell. Your collar is still hanging by the door in the garage. I caught myself smelling it the other day. What is my problem?
I can't wait for this summer to be over. I usually love summer, I love the heat. But I feel like I've wasted the whole spring and summer to sadness, depression and tears. I feel like if I can make it to fall I might be okay. This is the other thing I wanted to bring up...dad has mentioned getting another dog. Okay, I admit I kind of thought about it too. I know it's only been a month and I don't know how soon is too soon, but he thinks I need to take care of a dog to be really happy. I might be starting to freak him out a little.... Anyway, we're just talking about it right now. Honestly, I don't now how I would NOT compare a new dog to you. Would I be disappointed when they didn't have the same quirks and habits you had? What if it didn't love me like you did? What if it didn't even like me?
I made a little photo book of all your pictures. I look through it every day. I still ache to feel your soft little head and look down into those soft brown eyes. Please come back. I love you, I miss you.
Pounchs Mom
When you lose a heart dog it is one of the toughest things to deal with, part of your heart is gone. I lost Katie Oct 24th 2012 and it still is hard. I don't have the heart to put her collar away, its out in the garage by the back door and I look at it every day. There are good days and there are bad days. The last two for me have been really bad, don't know why but I miss Katie a lot right now. I keep looking for a Golden to rescue but it just hasn't worked out for some reason. Maybe I will just have to get a puppy. The only advise I can give you is just take it one step at a time and one day ay a time. I know in the past when I have lost a Golden I got a new puppy in the next six months and that always helped. Just don't close your heart to love another Golden they have too much to give back to you.
PouncySilver,
there are so much love and pain in your posts, every time I read them I cry. It is so hard to lose heart and soul dog. All what you said sounds so familiar. When I cried on one year anniversary of my Buddy's leaving a friend told me it is good it is over now, there are no more firsts, first Christmas, first winter, first birthday, ... without your Buddy. Like you can tell broken heart a year passed, feel better it is over now. I do not believe it will ever be over. How could it be over when I still miss him so much.
Thank you, both Buddy's mom and flykelley. Your kind words mean a great deal to me. I have often thought that about the "firsts" thing. Every time I go somewhere or do something or some special date passes us by, I think "This is the first time without Jesse". I lot of them I anticipate but the ones I don't knock the wind from me. As you say, all you can do is take the good days with the bad, one at a time.
It is difficult to believe that just a year ago, you were all still here with us. Tuck and Rox, Daddy and I loved our daily walkies with you. All the sniffing and happy tail wagging was the best way to start our day. And TC, even though you had lifelong health issues, you were such a lover. Little did we know that the end of the summer would be the start of the most difficult time in our lives. Daddy and I miss you all, every day. The girls have done their part to be snuggle cats, and we are glad that you sent Bud to us. He's a good boy, and he has helped to heal the holes in our hearts. But, I still sing your songs, when no one else is around to hear me. Just you.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost furkids. I am so glad to have a place where we can support each other. <3
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