Hey boy!
What can I say, I miss you like crazy. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about you. I can’t imagine what going home this summer will be like. I get all excited for the summer break, and look forward to all the fun things I did last summer, and realize that none of those things will happen again. I want to be able to go for our long walks down by the river, to be able to let you run off-leash to your heart’s desire, to let you swim as much as you want, to throw sticks for you, to play hide and seek. I can’t imagine waking up and not seeing your sweet, loving face as I come downstairs for breakfast and to let you outside. I can’t imagine being home alone.
You’ve played such a tremendous role in my life, in the life of our family, and I’m devastated that I was unable to thank you for it. For me, you taught me how to love. You taught me how to be a parent and I always thought you would be there to guide me when time came for me to be a “real” parent. You taught me what unconditional love meant. You taught me to love no matter what someone has done. You taught me to appreciate the relationships we have, to appreciate life, because those things can be taken away so quickly.
Your warm personality and nature touched absolutely everyone in our family. Brother S. had never showed emotion toward anyone. When you left this world, he was devastated. It was the first time in many, many years that he’s ever cried. Mom was devastated too. She was never one to show great affection towards you, never petted you all that much, but when she called me with the news of your passing, she was crying just as hard as I was. You were a child not only to me, but to her as well.
I have your dog tags on my night table beside my favorite picture of you. Every time I pick them up and they jingle, my heart aches. I loved how you always brought us the leash when it was time for a walk. I loved how excited you got when it was time for a walk. I love how we could keep you off leash in the front yard and would not go away from the house. I love how you never really liked to retrieve. You loved chasing, but bringing things back was a no go. I love how right after we vacuumed a room in the house, there would be fur all over the carpet within minutes…without you even being in the room. I loved how when you got scared you’d run up to my room and hide under my desk. I love that I was your refuge. You will always have refuge in my heart. And you were also MY refuge. Whenever I was heartbroken or sad I would talk to you, cry into your fur, and hug you. You would lick the tears from my cheeks and put your head on my lap. You knew when I was hurting and you never left my side.
You were my best friend and I can’t imagine life without you. I hate that you’re not here, that your life was so short. I would give anything just to spend one more day with you, absolutely anything. I know tears can’t bring you back, but they are unstoppable. My love for you is everlasting, it will never die, and I don’t think there will ever be a time when I don’t miss you. There is only one thing I want, and it is you.
I miss you, I love you, and I the pain from not having my best friend by my side will never cease.