When does it get better? - Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 01:11 AM Thread Starter
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When does it get better?

Hello everyone
I stumbled upon this great website ..and I wish I could say I found it under better circumstances. I am struggling to overcome my grief at loosing my 9 1/2 Year old golden to Canine Lymphoma. Sadie was the love of our life..our baby. We got her as an 8 week old puppy, and she was a jem. Total Golden 100% ..I couldnt have asked for a better dog. When she started to mope around and not want to play, I didnt think it was a big deal..I blamed it on old age. Then almost overnight she started to get finicky with her food. She would eat but not like before..where she waited for feeding time..and ate like a horse. Then I noticed petting her one morning that her lymph nodes were swollen. Two months, tons of prednesone, lomustine, lspar, and countless office visits we lost her to the disease. She crossed over Aug. 25th 2012...

I am having a really hard time with this. I find myself bouncing between thinking I'm OK and falling apart at the sight of another Golden. Everything around me reminds me of her. I know I am annoying the crap out of people close to me..I get those "you should be over it by now" looks...not from everyone, I have a lot of true dog lover friends that understand. We are in the process of adopting a rescue golden..maybe two if they have a bonded pair. I bounce between missing Sadie..missing having a dog around the house..and feeling guilty like I am betraying her somehow by getting another dog. I know that doesn't make sense..but thats how I feel. My life feels so empty..coming home from work makes me cry almost everyday..thats was our time together..we would go for a nice long walk no matter what the weather, then play ball in the backyard..or just hang out and chew some sticks.

Looking around this website makes me happy and sad at the same time...I love all the pictures of the dogs..Owning Sadie for the last 9 years has made me a life long lover of Golden's. I am hoping this place might help me through this rough patch...not like it's the first one in my life..or the last..but this one seems extraordinarily hard..

My Sadie..

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 03:14 AM
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When does it get better?

Welcome to the forum. Sadie was a very gorgeous girl. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know when it gets better. I am dreading the day when I have to ask the same question.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 03:30 AM
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I cry my eyes out reading through the threads here, both for myself and for all the others. But I find comfort in this Club of Broken Hearts, knowing that there are others like me that loved their dogs more than life itself. It won't take you long to see that the members here do understand what you are going through, your loss and all the grief. It's a safe place for you to be, no one will tell you to get over it. I am happy to hear you are bringing another Golden or two into your lives. I think you will find that helps a lot. Wish I had some magic words to say, but there are none. Please take care and keep us updated. We love stories and LOTS of pictures.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love never gives up or loses faith.
Love is always hopeful and endures through every trial.

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 03:49 AM
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Over the years you gave a huge chunk of your heart to Sadie and she gave you hers. This is what you are feeling and always will.

You are doing the right thing by focussing on the fantastic photos that you have on her but also being willing to open your heart to another. Sadie constantly taught you that you deserve to be happy and that you shouldn't be upset. Letting another golden into your life will be a great healer who will remind you of her message. However do not expect your next golden to be like Sadie. They come with their own unique quirks and flaws but they will also try to teach you the same lessons of love and patience in their own way. Push the negative feelings away as they do not belong to Sadie.

Sadie right now is like your new guardian angel, like a diamond in the rough. As time passes the sharp parts will soften until your bond becomes even stronger as you feel her as your strong trusty guardian angel, like a wolf spirit guide. She will become your strongest rock and then you will feel the pride and strength like never before and realise how truly blessed you are to have her on your side in life as well as from the other side. Once a loving bond like you two have is formed it never dies.

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 04:47 AM
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I am so very sorry, I typically avoid reading about animals passing because it makes me so sad. Your dog was so beautiful and the loss of her so hard to bear. Last year our dog had stopped eating much and then suddenly stopped drinking altogether, we rushed him to the emergency vet where they ran tests and determined he had a mass between his heart and lungs which was most likely cancer. We had him put to sleep and it was so incredibly sad. My boyfriends mom works with a golden breeder who heard about our dogs passing and suggested she take a puppy from an upcoming litter. It was tossed around for weeks, should we get another puppy, should we get two. Finally the week before they were ready to leave their mom the family consensus was NO, all the males were spoken for already and there were just four females left. It was so sad, to lose a puppy that we never got to have. Well apparently my pouting and my boyfriends moms pouting wore down my boyfriend and his brother. I was on my way home from work and my boyfriend called and said there had been a change of heart, the breeder was bringing over the four girls the next day so we could choose TWO. I honestly thought I died and went to heaven in that moment. The next afternoon these incredible bundles of fur arrived. I was naturally drawn to the tiny runt of the litter, she was so sweet and was afraid to get off my lap and play with the others. If it had of been up to me we would have all four. But since we were taking two they had to be the closest in size. I had to give the little runt back, but we did get our two beautiful girls Bailee and Kymber. I told you all this because you understand the only way to fill the void left in your heart by losing a beloved pet is getting another to love and be loved by you. My thoughts are with you and i hope you get your new goldens soon.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 12:20 PM
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I'm so sorry you lost Sadie. I'm not sure the hurt ever really goes away, you just adjust to the new norm without them. This forum is a wonderful place to express your feelings and an infinite site of knowledge. And many stories that make you laugh and warm your heart.

Sadie is a beautiful girl and from the pictures I can tell that she was an important part of your life, just as you were to her life.

I also recently lost my golden to cancer. His journey with cancer was never really clear cut, but cancer doesn't take the same route twice so you just can't seem to catch it.

I hope you do consider a rescue, there are so many beautiful goldens needing a home. Take care.

It was always about you -
Found his forever home on 3/18/07
Returned to his eternal home on 1/09/13
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone for your kind words. I have only been a member for a day now and I feel that it has helped a little knowing so many of you share what I am experiencing. It is sad reading all the posts about animals leaving us before their time, but I get some comfort in knowing I am not alone in my sorrow, and in how much I loved her. She was without a doubt my whole world. I didn't even want a dog..I was convinced to go "look" at puppies at a place near where I live that sold for local breeders..not puppy mills. I was certain I had conjured up a plan to foil this whole dog idea..I would say I only wanted a certain breed, sex, and type of dog..they surely wouldn't have exactly what I wanted. Well, the lady asked and I said "we are only interested in a female, Golden Retriever puppy". I picked Golden's because I always wanted one..a good friend of mine had one he raised from a pup..Sam was my first real experience with the breed and I knew if I was going to get a dog..I wanted it to be a Golden..just in case my plan didn't work the way I wanted it too. The lady vanished to the back room and then reappeared with a little golden puppy, and handed it right to my 7 year old step daughter (she knew what she was doing). We went in a little play room and Danielle was playing with the dog, begging for us to take it home. I was quietly having a conversation with my wife, then my fiance'. We were about to buy a house, and I was arguing we couldn't afford the dog, or had the time to deal with a puppy when we would be moving. Well, just then the pup bounced over to me, with a little ball in her mouth. She crawled into my lap, dropped the ball and climbed up my chest with her front paws to lick my face. After a few minutes, she placed her little puppy snout in the crook of my neck..and I swear she hugged me. Then she slowly slid down into my lap and fell asleep. Well..that was it..It was love from that moment on. I said OK..as long as I could name her..I looked in her eyes and the name Sadie just popped into my head..so, Sadie it was. From that moment on, she was my child, my baby, and would be forever. I have loved few things that much in my life...and I still love her that much even in her passing. Memories like that are hard to think about at this stage..I am tearing up as I write this..but I know years from now ..I will probably have the same reaction...Miss you, my Puppy dog..

Last edited by Fella 77; 01-22-2013 at 02:29 PM.
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-23-2013, 01:39 AM
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David, I am very sorry for your loss of beautiful Sadie. I understand your pain very well. Your words say how much you love your girl and I know when you love someone so much the pain you feel is unbearable. That's how I felt and still feel about losing my Buddy. Hugs.

9 & half short years in my life but forever in my heart http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...-my-buddy.html
"He took my heart and ran with it, and I hope he's running still, fast and strong, a piece of my heart bound up with his forever" - Patricia McConnell

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-23-2013, 03:56 PM
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I too am so sorry for your loss of beautiful Sadie. Saying goodbye to our beloved fur babies is such a heartache; it feels like you can't breathe, can't concentrate on anything else, like you are frozen in this terrible time zone of grief. They have such a profound impact on our life..nothing is the same, before or after. Saying hello to a new golden; is hope, healing, love, and honoring the memory of a beloved pet so cherished that they will be forever in your heart and mind, never forgotten. After 14 months, I am still struggling..someday I want to say "hello" again too.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-23-2013, 04:11 PM
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Oh David, I'm so, so sorry. Sadie's photos are wonderful, she was clearly a very special girl. And no, you are not the only one missing a wonderful dog. I'm glad you find that it helps just a little to know you're not alone.

I hope that your rescue pup/s will be with you soon, I am one of those people who needs to focus on a new project to help me move on when I am grieving for a dog. I tend to obsess over how empty my house is an it's with me every morning before I even open my eyes. Please keep checking in here and letting us here how you're doing. Praying for your peace of heart....

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