Hello everyone. I am here trying to find comfort and guidance on my journey through grief for our dog Jasper, 1/15/99 - 12/12/11 (he was not quite 13). The tears still run down my cheeks as I write this.
First, here is Jasper:
His mom was a Golden, and his father was unknown. We got him as an 8-week-old rescue. And virtually as soon as we took that little bundle of fur home, I knew I loved him so much that I would surely suffer at some then-inconceivable day when we lost him. That time came a little over 12 months ago. I had retired two years before he died, and spent every day with him, nursing him through old age, arthritis, degenerative peripheral neuropathy--I took him to swim therapy twice weekly for months; to acupuncture--both of these an hour's drive from home. He was holding his own--the neurologist was so pleased because he was adding muscle through his swimming. And then he got an inoperable brain tumor.
The memory of those times is still so very with me--the time we spent together, the swimming, the vet visits, his last awful illness. I wished with all my heart that we wouldn't be forced to make that awful final decision, but--we did have to, finally.
We cancelled Christmas and went to a little resort in the mountains just to get away from home. Here I was--and I still look a bit like this, shellshocked:
(I'm sorry, I can't get the picture in the right place--it's at the end. Also, I meant only to post one--slow learner; sorry.)
I am just so sad without my Jasper. He literally nursed me through two surgeries, including a hip replacement--wouldn't leave my side. I miss my baby dog.
My husband is, I think, pretty tired of my apparently-unending grief.
We do not have another dog. We tried to get a puppy this past fall, and an awful thing happened; she had an aggression problem and was snapping and biting at 8 weeks; our vet urged us to return her to the breeder, so that she could be placed with people who had the skills to handle the puppy. I was heartbroken and don't think I've recovered from that, either. Thank goodness a suitable home was found for her. The breeders were awful about it, though.
At this point, I think I could love another dog--and Jasper was such a Golden, in spite of his mixed background--but I am just too scared and burned to know how to proceed. I see the pictures of your Goldens, and I envy you all; I would give anything to have four muddy paws running through my family room, fur flying into every corner; to hear my dog's soft breathing in our room at night as we all sleep.
I'm sorry I sound so sad and helpless! I'm not normally like this, but that pup was the light of my life. Any advice or comfort anyone could offer would be very appreciated.