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post #21 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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To everyone,

I just want to thank you for your generous replies. You all DO understand. I always knew this would be awful, tell you the truth, it's been even worse than I feared, if that's possible. Probably being retired doesn't help, though I'm plenty busy.

I think I'm feeling particularly vulnerable because I just had ankle surgery and I'm in a cast, "non-weight-bearing" which means I can't walk. I've had a fair number of orthopedic surgeries (joint problems), and Jasper was always there during my recovery. Well, I'm stuck in a cast in January in upstate NY and--no Jasper.

I should ask for separate advice on how to avoid having the problem we had with the breeder and the puppy. That was such a bad experience and left me kind of paralyzed. My husband too--he doesn't really even want another dog, as I said, so the whole puppy thing is up to me. Maybe I'll post somewhere else asking advice on this subject? Obviously I did something wrong last time.
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post #22 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 04:06 PM
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Sorry to hear about your ankle.
Sheldon's Mom and Claire's Friend said maybe they can help you find a puppy.
You didn't post in the wrong place at all.
There are many of us who get a puppy and many of us who rescue a Golden.

Tucker, Tonka, and Karen

SNOBEAR at the Bridge
Dec. 23, 1999-March 27, 2010

SMOOCH at the Bridge.
Feb. 14, 1999-Dec. 7, 2010
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post #23 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 04:24 PM
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Hi Jane

This info may help you.
I was very careful and selective when I picked my golden pups 2, 3 and 4.
My first girl Mandy was from a back yard breeder. I was 27 years old and
never had a golden. She had numerous health issues and passed at 9 years.
She was my baby as we had no children at the time. Before I got my second girl
Jenny I did a bit of research and learned as much as I could about goldens and
susequently selected a great healthy golden. She was with me for 12 1/2 years.
Her temperment from the start was so mellow. At that time my daughter was three
years old and I have to say (if you can believe) there was no puppy nipping.
My third girl Gracie was the smartest. Always took to commands easily and knew the names of at least 15 of her toys.
What I want to share with you is do lots of research and visits before you select your next dog. Find out what type of golden the breeder breeds. Some pups are from sporting lines they will have high energy.
Based on my experience show dog lines have been more mellow. Maybe other
members will share their views. Reputable breeders do puppy testing so they can match you and your lifestyle to the pup.I know I was scared each time I selected a puppy cause I would always fear that I would compare them to my others but you will find that as they each become unique in their personalities, you just fall completely in love with that pup. As I mentioned to you I just got Sheldon my first male. I asked the breeder for the mush cake of the litter and thats what I have.Having trained three other goldens things are going very well. Like you I am retired. I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in 2006. But I am doing well at this time. My golden
girl Gracie was with me during my recovery. From reading your posts you have so much
love to give to another dog whether it be a pup or an older dog. Don't let the past
bad breeder experience hold you back. There are many people out there that can help
you find an awesome dog.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. Homebound is not fun.
If I can help let me know.
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post #24 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 04:44 PM
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Yes,alot of us know how you feel, my very best advice, try again, find you another golden, your heart will feel better, jasper would want that for you.

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post #25 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 08:48 PM
5/22/99 - 11/26/2011
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Jane, I'm so sorry for your loss of Jasper. We also lost our Buddy around the same time (11-26-11). I too feel his loss so much. My husband and I have had a few ups and downs this past year health wise, so we need to wait to bring another dog into our lives. There is so much good information on this forum, and very knowledgeable members that can steer you in the right direction when you are ready. I understand your hesitation...when you've been through the good and bad of adopting, taking care of, and yes; losing our beloved fur babies, it is a little scary starting over. But, I truly feel the good times always outweighed the bad times, and loving and having our Buddy was worth every minute. Good luck!
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post #26 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 09:18 PM
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Jane, your Jasper was absolutely gorgeous! I think most of us on this forum have been in your shoes. It's a little different for everyone but the common denominator is that our hearts have been broken. I read the posts before responding and will also say you have a lot of love in your heart so by all means consider loving again. I also think you might want to consider a rescue. Rescue groups do an excellent job of matching the right dog and owner. Someone said why do they call the dogs "rescue" when they actually rescue their owners. Why don't you check out golden rescues in your area to begin to get an idea of the dogs that are available. Meet some of the rescue fosters and their dogs and as they say "love finds you".
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post #27 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 11:27 PM Thread Starter
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Warning: long, rambling, sad post

I keep coming back to this thread and reading the new replies, and I am actually sitting here reading with tears streaming down my face. You are all so kind. Pardon my getting confused on names, because when I get all sad like this my memory is even less good than usual, but someone said they had lost their dog just about the same time we did, in late 2011--and has had some health problems, as I also have--that really resonated with me. Someone lost their dog only recently, but is generously consoling me--when I've had over a year to learn to cope.

Many of you have mentioned rescue. Rescue appeals to me; Jasper was a rescue, even though he was just a baby puppy, but he was such a Golden and I just want a Golden...he was so sweet, and so loving, and so smart. We support rescue, through donations; also the ASPCA and Humane Society.

But I am just so terrified of adopting another dog and getting attached and losing him or her and going through this again.

What my dream is, is that we would get a pup, and then we would volunteer to foster Goldens. We have fenced in our quite-large back yard, and I would love to have more than one dog. My husband, though, doesn't even want one any more--it may be the trauma of all we've been through with losing Jasper, my extreme grief, the problem with the puppy and the breeder, and my continuing extreme husband was sad for a few weeks, but then said he was pretty much over it and had only happy memories, whereas those memories were (and still are) making me cry. In this way, we are not in "sync." He has a (grown) child, and I don't have children; I guess that may be some of the difference, as Jasper was my baby; he really was.

I do not differentiate between dogs and people in terms of how much love I can feel for them, I guess. They are both just sentient beings to me, both capable of loving and being loved.

Anyway, I am afraid of getting an older, only dog and losing him or her again so soon; I am not sure I could handle it well at all. But my husband hasn't said no to fostering after getting a puppy, and I think he would do it. He IS a dog person and he also thinks that Goldens are...he says "now that's a REAL dog" when he talks about Goldens. With a pup and a foster, we would have a young dog and an older one, and maybe he would grow attached to both dogs,'s a hope, anyway, and I think it's not an unreasonable one--he IS a dog person. Having suddenly no dog, when the dog is a huge part of your daily life, is so very difficult. There is a terrible void.

Can I tell you more about why I'm paralyzed? I greatly fear judgment, but I need to get this off of my chest with people who know something about dogs and breeders.

This is about the puppy we had for less than a week. I thought I would fall in love with the puppy instantly, I was so anxious to get her, it was like I was obsessed with getting her, hiring a trainer to visit during her first few days, and buying everything that a puppy could possibly need for a year. I researched foods, subscribed to the Whole Dog Journal, and just really could not wait to take her home. I thought it would help relieve that terrible void I felt; I genuinely thought I would love her as quickly as I had Jasper.

Then when we did take her home--she was not like any other puppy I ever knew. She was only 8 weeks old, but she was very aggressive and resource-guarding. She was not affectionate; she ran around the back yard eating dirt and all sorts of plants in a kind of wild manner. She tried to chew an electrical cord (normal) and when my husband took it away from her, she freaked out and growled and snapped at him--I don't mean in a little puppy manner, either. She absolutely wouldn't go in her crate, but would shriek if you tried to put her in it, and not let up. You could lure her in (the trainer showed me how) but as soon as you shut the door and took a few steps away, she completely freaked out and shrieked horribly without stopping. I was going to a doctor's appointment and my husband was staying with her, but there was a 20-minute gap between when he needed to leave and when I would get home. He put her in her crate, and as soon as I drove up the driveway--before she could have known I was there--I heard her shrieking continuously and horribly.

The trainer I'd hired made a home visit the day she came home with us, and she was pretty concerned about the puppy. The breeder had warned us that "this litter were pretty full of themselves" and that if the puppy growled at us or bit us, to use alpha rolls; I was horrified at the very thought of doing this. The trainer was very experienced and an advocate of using only positive training methods. There was no way I was going to alpha-roll any dog--that is just not me--much less an 8-week-old puppy. She also refused to eat the kibble the breeders sent her home with. I was afraid she would starve.

Anyway, the trainer was worried when she heard and saw the difficulty we were having. She came back a couple of days later to see how it was going. During this time, my husband took her outside to poop, and (again, normal) she turned around and started eating her feces. He tried to distract her with a toy and that didn't work, so he picked her up gently and--she freaked out, growling, snapping and trying to bite him--NOT bitey puppy bites, which Jasper was the master of (one of his nicknames all of his life was "Biteydog;" how he did love those play bites). The puppy's were serious bite attempts which only her age prevented from being genuinely dangerous.

Anyway, the trainer happened to be there when this happened, and she offered to call our vet and discuss her concerns with him. I was so blown away. I did take her for her scheduled vet appointment and our vet tried to interact with the puppy and she really wouldn't do it; she just wanted to sit in the corner with her ball.

The vet told us in no uncertain terms that "this puppy is going to break your heart" and predicted that she would bite my husband (she was less aggressive with me). He told us she needed an experienced dog person to raise her, someone who could work with her around her problem behaviors so she did not turn out to be aggressive and a biter. He said he could hardly recall any normally-nurtured, 8-week-old puppy aggressively snapping and biting.

With a broken heart, we returned the puppy. The breeders were very hostile. although our vet offered to explain his concerns to them, I don't think they called him. I begged them to tell me when they'd found a good placement for her, and to their credit, they did let me know. They told me that nothing was wrong with her, that it was completely our fault. I was so worried about the puppy I actually wanted them to be right; then I was so confused I didn't know what to think. I think my husband was torn between believing what the professionals said and thinking that maybe I just couldn't bond with her because she wasn't Jasper.

I just pray that that puppy is ok and it will work out with her in this placement. I never in a million years thought I would return a dog--heck, I stop everyone I see walking a dog now, wanting to pet and caress a dog. I think this incident--having to come to terms with the decision we ultimately made--was just as hard on my husband as it has been on me.

Has anyone ever had an experience like this? Maybe I can't get another dog until I work this out, how I could give up a beautiful little Golden puppy (her name was "Lily"). Help, folks.

If you've hung on this long, bless you, and I apologize for rambling. In a way, we've had two losses, and it's hard to forgive myself for the second. The vet said her problems were likely "genetic." But knowing that my husband had the thought that I had problems with her because she wasn't Jasper--I guess I feel unsure of so many things. Thanks for listening.
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post #28 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 12:35 AM Thread Starter
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ClairesFriend, would you be willing to tell me a little about the Albany breeder?

Thank you,

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post #29 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 12:38 AM Thread Starter
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Tell me a little more if you don't mind about the breeders you know in NY State. You could PM me if you like.

Much appreciated, anyone--Jane
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post #30 of 77 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 01:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Jane View Post
ClairesFriend, would you be willing to tell me a little about the Albany breeder?

Thank you,

Of course, I would be happy to. I will PM you.

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love never gives up or loses faith.
Love is always hopeful and endures through every trial.
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