Unbearable grief of Fluke & Harry's passing - Page 28 - Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums
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post #271 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 09:48 AM
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I just saw this up date, thrilled you got kai.

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post #272 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 09:55 AM
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Maggsd

Maggsd

Just sent you an email-I hate interviews!
I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I remember thinking that Munchkin and Gizmo weren't naughty like Smooch and Snobear, but then I forgot how naughty Munchkin and Gizmo were early on! I think it is normal to compare. We will always love and remember and dogs that have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. We just have to open our hearts, and lives to another.

In two days, my Smooch will be gone for TWO YEARS. There will never be another Smooch, but I love my Tucker, too, for different reasons!

Picture of Smooch and Tonka.
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Tucker, Tonka, and Karen

SNOBEAR at the Bridge
Dec. 23, 1999-March 27, 2010


SMOOCH at the Bridge.
Feb. 14, 1999-Dec. 7, 2010
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post #273 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 04:13 PM
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Hi Maggs,
Sorry to hear you've been upset recently. I think as everyone has said it's definitely the time of year. We have all been very sad the last couple of weeks with it coming up to Christmas without Daisy it was her time of year. We had her at Christmastime as a puppy, and then she was so ill and we lost her last Christmas so it's just horrible. She loved it all - the tree, the presents the toys, the wrapping paper! We can't even face putting a tree or any decorations up.

I'm glad that not so little Kai is doing well would love to see some more pics of him if you get chance. Fluke and Harry will be so happy that you have Kai with you now, they'll always be watching over you.






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post #274 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 05:58 PM
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Hello maggsd. I have just read through this entire thread, & I feel so sad for your profound loss. Sometimes people think we should grieve, get angry, & then get over it & move on. But e everybody recovers from the loss of loved ones in a different way. Like you, I am very emotional when it comes to lose. When I was 28, I tragically lost my two young sons, aged five & seven years. My husband also. I thought my life had ended. My way to cope was to adopt a newborn baby boy from a foreign orphanage some months later ...a baby who had little hope of surviving without intervention ......not to replace my sons, but to give me something to love, & that baby gave me a reason to live, when I had none. He totally filled my heart to bursting, though I still mourned over my boys every single day. I would burst into tears in the most embarrassing situations, & once I started crying, it was really hard to stop. my adopted son recently turned 31 years old, & I could not love him more. He is everything to me, yet all these years on, I still have lots of days when I cry over my loss so many years ago. When I lost my thirteen year old Burmese cat four years ago, very unexpectedly, I couldn't stop crying for days. All my grief .....the loss of my sons & young husband, the loss of both my parents a few years before, & the loss of this very loved cat .....all seemed to consume me. But I had to work (I'm a hospital nurse), & that was actually really good for me. Four years on, I still often have a little fit of crying over the various losses in my life, but you know what ......it's ok to grieve .... & sometimes our grief is so profound that it stays with us for a lifetime. People can often get uncomfortable with that, but that's ok too. We all grieve differently. You will grieve over your lost goldens off & on for the years to come, I am sure .....& that's ok. And now you have your new baby Kai & he will help to heal the pain, but no matter how much you love him, he probably won't make the pain go away. And that's ok too. Kai will have a place in your heart, & your other lost babies will always have their special place in your heart too. Excessive grief, as it is medically referred to, is not easy for a person to live with, or their loved ones to live around .....but it does not have an easy fix. Time will help to lessen it. Your young Kai will help to heal it. Sadly, we are not able to go backwards in life, so we must go forwards. Sudden,unexpected loss can often take longer to come to terms with ...if indeed we are ever able to. Embrace your grief ....it is an extension of your love. It will become easier, I promise. It is still very early days yet.

Last edited by Dwyllis; 12-05-2012 at 06:04 PM.
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post #275 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 07:30 PM
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maggsd, I also withdrew from this forum for several months this summer..it was just too emotional for me at some point. But then received a private message from buddysmomforever (bless Velinka's heart!), and pulled me in again. I guess I realized that all of us, every single person on this Rainbow Bridge forum, and every other forum on this site will eventually, and sadly go through what we are going through. It is a fact of life that no one escapes. Because Goldens are so eternally optimistic about life, I felt I had to keep going, adopt the same attitude my Buddy had, and.....try to be happy again. It IS hard. My family has had lots of ups and downs this year too, but I am determined to keep moving forward. As Dwyllis mentioned above, I probably had Excessive grief too. (Dwyllis, you have been through SO much, I admire your strength and determination to go on after such tragedy in your life, you are truly an inspiration!) We all are so thankful for these wonderful Goldens that have graced our lives....was it worth it? YES! YES! YES! a thousand times YES! They were then, and always will be worth it! Peace.
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post #276 of 339 (permalink) Old 12-06-2012, 02:11 AM
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Little Charlie keeps me busy these days and away from computer but my thoughts are here most of the time, thinking and praying for those in need, crying for our losses. Life goes on, but spirits those we lost are with us, they never stay behind and will always be part of us. There are so many things lately that remind me on my Buddy, yes they still bring me to tears, but that is part of me, that is who I am. We are so blessed we found each other on this forum, to share pain, tears and happy moments.

Dwyllis, hugs to you.

.


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"He took my heart and ran with it, and I hope he's running still, fast and strong, a piece of my heart bound up with his forever" - Patricia McConnell

Charlie could watch birds for hours and I could watch Charlie for hours too http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...n-morning.html

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post #277 of 339 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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Hi everyone, well I'm glad the festive season's over, I know that sounds miserable but it's been so hard for me, my first Christmas time without my boys and my Simba girl.
It's been a quiet time, not seen much of my family for one reason or another, so it's just been Kai and me. Although I got Kai lots of hopefully indestructible toys he was still very hard work, the word 'indestructible' needs to be rethought coz they certainly weren't.
I'm letting Kai down and I know it, but can't help it. I just keep thinking of Fluke, Harry and Simba. I'm comparing the 'not so little' pup to them all the time, and find myself losing my temper with him saying "Fluke and Harry never did this". I'm a terrible person for thinking this, you don't have to tell me I know. I've been so miserable without my goldies, and have cried over these past few weeks quite a lot.
Perhaps giving this pup a home was wrong, maybe I'm not cut out for another dog after all. I try my best to care the same, but that bond I had with my boys is just not there. I ache for them to be here, even when holding onto Kai, and as he pulls away, i realise its never going to be like it was with them. They knew how i was feeling and acted upon this so perfectly, they were so gentle and kind. how terrible am I for not feeling this type of love for this one.
How can I stop myself being so horrible ?
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post #278 of 339 (permalink) Old 01-03-2013, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry duplicated

Last edited by maggsd; 01-03-2013 at 09:41 PM. Reason: Duplicate post sorry !!
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post #279 of 339 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 04:37 AM
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Originally Posted by maggsd View Post
Hi everyone, well I'm glad the festive season's over, I know that sounds miserable but it's been so hard for me, my first Christmas time without my boys and my Simba girl.
It's been a quiet time, not seen much of my family for one reason or another, so it's just been Kai and me. Although I got Kai lots of hopefully indestructible toys he was still very hard work, the word 'indestructible' needs to be rethought coz they certainly weren't.
I'm letting Kai down and I know it, but can't help it. I just keep thinking of Fluke, Harry and Simba. I'm comparing the 'not so little' pup to them all the time, and find myself losing my temper with him saying "Fluke and Harry never did this". I'm a terrible person for thinking this, you don't have to tell me I know. I've been so miserable without my goldies, and have cried over these past few weeks quite a lot.
Perhaps giving this pup a home was wrong, maybe I'm not cut out for another dog after all. I try my best to care the same, but that bond I had with my boys is just not there. I ache for them to be here, even when holding onto Kai, and as he pulls away, i realise its never going to be like it was with them. They knew how i was feeling and acted upon this so perfectly, they were so gentle and kind. how terrible am I for not feeling this type of love for this one.
How can I stop myself being so horrible ?
Maggs after i lost Sadie it took me nearly a year to bond properly with Daisy what you are feeling is just natural
All of a sudden that bond will just come believe you me

Love me love my Dogs they are my best friends and soul mates



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post #280 of 339 (permalink) Old 01-12-2013, 03:27 AM
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Maggs, please do not be so hard on yourself, do not judge and do not question. Our new puppies are with us for a reason. You know how much I love and miss my Buddy, I would give up everything to have him back. Now little Charlie wakes me up every morning and all I know is he needs me, but night time thoughts are still left for my Buddy. Give yourself time and love your new boy the way he is. Hugs.


9 & half short years in my life but forever in my heart http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...-my-buddy.html
"He took my heart and ran with it, and I hope he's running still, fast and strong, a piece of my heart bound up with his forever" - Patricia McConnell

Charlie could watch birds for hours and I could watch Charlie for hours too http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...n-morning.html
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