Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Shore of Massachusetts
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I have been catching up on this thread tonight and I am in tears for you. So much of what you have said had hit home for what my father and I went thru with my mother. Have you looked into social security disability for Mike? My mother applied when she could not work anymore and then the insurance part kicked in. This is what ended up paying for the facility she went to when things got bad. My father hated putting her some place and I had a hard time too but he just couldn't do it anymore. He was so afraid of hurting her or doing something wrong and it was just to much stress for him. He hated not having her at home but hospice for one hour just was not enough. This way she got the care she needed and he got to spend quality time with her instead of trying to get her to do stuff he'd go everyday at 9:30/10 and stay with her until I went up after work around 4.
I only know the rules in Massachusetts but saw that you are worried about losing the house. I know in my fathers case that because it was his house to and he depended on it for living he could not be made to sell it. I do know that he was only allowed a certain amount of money in his bank account and had to meet with someone at the nursing home to go over his bills/ accounts before the state picked things up when the insurance stopped paying. I'm not really clear on the details but I think meeting with an attorney or a medical counselor would help. I know the people at Dana Farber were a big help to us.
Also my mom had a port and did receive hydration through it often. It's really up to the doctor who's care he would be under at the facility. Our doctor did what we wanted. That's someone you would have to talk to before you went there... Sometimes the nurses weren't in agreement but did what the doctors ordered... Sometimes only the head nurses can access ports. Please let me know if you ever need to talk. I won't have all the answers but do have the experience.