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Old 02-03-2013, 09:15 PM
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I think I'm losing her

Something has changed. My sweet, darling girl has eaten so little this weekend, and now, I can't even get her to take a Pill Pocket with a Tramadol in it. Even at the height of her nausea and illness post-op, on the awful antibiotic, on chemo - she never wouldn't take a Pill Pocket. She even turned down a cookie tonight. All she does, about every half hour, is go and drink a little water, and then go back into my room. She can't jump up onto my bed. I have been lifting her on - but I will pull my mattress off the frame tonight. I have had to carry her down the stairs a few times to take her out. She did have one poo today - no straining, and it was solid.

I'm so profoundly sad and I feel so helpless. My heart is just breaking. When I think about her gone, I can't breathe. One moment, I think she's still here and still okay. And then I think, she is so tired and so sad. She didn't eat yesterday morning. She did eat cookies at the vet. She ate a little ground beef last night - but she wouldn't eat it today. She has hardly had anything today. She looks so weak. Here is a list of everything I tried today:

- ground beef
- ground beef pureed with broth
- lamb wet dog food
- duck and chicken wet dog food
- chunky soup
- liverwurst (she ate some of this around 2pm - maybe 2 tablespoons. I thought, EUREKA! But then she wouldn't eat it when I offered it tonight)
- hard boiled egg mashed up with liverwurst (she licked a small amount off my fingers, but only twice before she turned away)
- straight beef broth
- peanut butter - she literally took the blob and spit it out
- baby puppy mousse (what puppies eat first after mother's milk)

I also bought some tripe - but I didn't even bother to try. It is my plan for tomorrow morning.

I sm so scared that I can't help her anymore. This cancer is bigger than both of us. What I did do today was take her to the park. I lifted her into the car and I helped her out. When she saw where she was, she perked up. I gave her a ball, just to hold. But she dropped it for me to throw. I did, a couple of times, just about a foot (if that). For that moment, she was happy. It gave me hope. But at home, she just looks so sad.

I am preparing myself to make the awful decision. All of my emotions are right at the surface right now. I started to cry when I saw a healthy Golden running in the park. I started to cry when I was driving to the store. I have told her already that she can go if she needs to. That I will miss her forever, but that I love her too much for her to stay only because I can't bear to lose her. Neither my vet not the oncologist - both of whom saw her yesterday - thought she was ready to go yet. But I feel like a lot has changed in 36 hours.

I don't know what else to do. I can't believe how fast this has happened.

Here she was at the park today:
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:17 PM
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oh no, I'm so sorry, I know how hard it is to lose a pet having just lost 2 at once

you and your sweet girl are in my thoughts

*hugs*
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:18 PM
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My heart goes out to you and your beautiful girl. I have no words of comfort that would suffice, just know I am thinking about you both and sending up prayers for you both. I'm also sending you both a hug!
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:20 PM
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My heart just breaks for you. I'm so sorry.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:26 PM
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I am so sorry to be reading this. Can you dissolve the tramadol in water and syringe it into her mouth? What about yogurt or ice cream or even cereal? My prayers and thoughts go out to you and Tee as you go through this trying time.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:26 PM
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I'm so sorry
I was going to suggest tripe so I hope she will eat it tomorrow. It was the only thing I could get bear to eat at the end.
Make yourself some nice memories with her
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:28 PM
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I think I'm losing her

My prayers are with the both of you. I wish I knew what to say or could help...


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Old 02-03-2013, 09:32 PM
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Just lit a candle for Tesia. I hope many good days for you two. Many prayers and hugs for Tesia.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:36 PM
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I am so sorry that it has come to this. Remember that wise souls among us tell us, "Better a day too soon than a day too late." Tesia knows that you love her dearly and that you have fought for and with her with all that you have. Nobody could have done more.

Hold her close tonight. Soak up the smell of her. Clip a lock of her fur to cherish forever. Try to hold your tears until she is gone. And I do know how bitterly hard that is.

When the time comes, draw strength and courage from your love for her. You accept your own pain in freeing her from hers. That is the ultimate gift of love.

Holding Tesia and you gently in my heart and in my prayers.
Lucy
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Last edited by GoldensGirl; 02-04-2013 at 05:44 PM.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:38 PM
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I'm so sorry Sweet Girl. Many prayers for Tesia--and you. (((HUGS))).
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