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Old 01-02-2013, 03:19 PM
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Mandatory Golden Retriever Changes

Since there are so many breeders on here I think there are various things that I think they neglect to consider when breeding dogs. I've come to the conclusion that they need to pay more attention to the little details when breeding dogs and should specifically look at the following:

1.) Why are Golden puppies so bitey? I think the breeders here should start breeding GR's that don't have teeth.

2.) FUR! I want more on the dog and less on me. Breeders here should begin looking for a method to make their GR puppies reverse static electrified from birth thus putting more fur back on the dog and me able to wear black again.

3.) The GR should love to fill in holes in the backyard rather than making them. This should be innate like retrieving.

4.) Since my local vets are now recommending neutering at 4 months I think a GR should not have reproductive organs from birth. I realize this makes it a pain to breed but I'm sure we'll figure it out.

5.) GR's should be born with suction cups on their feet instead of webbing. This will keep them from sliding so much on linoleum and hardwood.

6.) A GR should know innately that vertical on bed is mandatory and not horizontal.

7.) A GR should have an off switch that you can press or an on switch. Otherwise they remain in a comatose state until I want to play with them.

8.) Their lips need to be smaller or their face needs to hold in water better. I'll let the breeders here decide which is easier.

9.) Uhh... farting? HELLOOO!?!?! I am sick of blaming it on the dog and it actually being the dog!

10.) They need to be less cute so less people buy them thus making them a better bang for the buck.

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Old 01-02-2013, 03:24 PM
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Very Funny! I love it!

Instead of more fur on them and less on us. Just make a hairless golden. lol
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:29 PM
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Very Funny! I love it!

Instead of more fur on them and less on us. Just make a hairless golden. lol
OOOOO... that would kill two birds with one stone... making them both uglier and less furry all at the same time. I knew this forum could come up with constructive idea's on how to breed a better GR!
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:29 PM
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And while you're at it could you please make their nails stay one length
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:31 PM
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You might consider an inflatable dog...probably would fulfill most of your criteria

Pete
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:35 PM
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Could you also ask that they come potty trained from the start and also that they immediately understand what we are trying to communicate to them. After all, is Leave It, or Stay that hard to understand?? A big plus would be if they came with perfect obedience training, including recall! Plus, let's make them where they have no desire to counter surf, eat socks or rocks and will not touch road kill because they instinctively know it's bad for them!
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:36 PM
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Now how about life expectancy...perhaps cross breeding with a tortoise...they'd still be a puppy at 15!

Pete
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:42 PM
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How about a built-in blow drying system for when they get wet.
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:42 PM
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Quote:
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Now how about life expectancy...perhaps cross breeding with a tortoise...they'd still be a puppy at 15!

Pete
Uh, if they are potty trained and fully obedient then perhaps being a puppy at 15 is a good thing, otherwise, ugh, no....
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:50 PM
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Quote:
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Uh, if they are potty trained and fully obedient then perhaps being a puppy at 15 is a good thing, otherwise, ugh, no....
.... ahhahahaha... I hear that. Miri literally took a full 3 months to potty train thanks to parasites and bladder infections.
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