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I miss my Buddy

149K views 933 replies 162 participants last post by  SteveRuffin 
#1 ·
I visit this site very often but this is the first time I want to say something. I want to put together some words for my Buddy, my beautiful golden retriever, my boy I lost 5 weeks ago. These are the hardest days in my life.
It all started nine and half years ago. I did not want to have a dog in my house, did not know very much about dogs, mostly have been scared of big ones. But my ten years old daughter at that time, big animal lover, wanted a dog and she wanted golden retriever. My husband did not listen to me and they brought Buddy in my life. And next to my daughter it was the best thing ever happened to me, although I did not know that then. Slowly with days passing by Buddy became my dog. When I cooked he was next to me waiting for his share of veggies, when I vacuumed he would laid down on the vacuum hose, when I sat he had his head on my lap, when I cried he would pet me with his paw, at night he would sleep on the floor next to the bed on my side, in morning he would wake my up as it is food time, when I leave at work he would be at door to get his "see you later Bud" threat, when I came back he would wait for me with his nose stick in the closet with our shoes. And then after nine and half years after tough battle with terminal illness for a couple months I lost my Bud on May 15th. I lost the best friend I ever had, lost someone to talk with, someone to walk with, someone to hug with... My heart is just broken, can't stop crying, my life is frozen in a time. I still see him everywhere, can feel softness of his coat under my hand, his happy face and the tail waging at time to go for walk, his touch with his big paw was so gentle. And pain is unbearable. I read your stories and cry with you as your pain is my pain now.
I love you Buddy.
 
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#850 ·
Happy Birthday at the Bridge gorgeous Buddy. I hope you and Barnaby have become friends. Your mom is such a special person who has been so very kind before and after my boy went to join you and all the other wonderful dogs at the Bridge. Send her a special sign soon Buddy I know that will make her smile x
 
#851 ·
Thank you guys, your posts mean so much to me!

I don't know would it be a sign, but just before wake up time I had this dream... I am opening a door and entering into a huge room, a school gym like, and there were hundreds of goldens there running and playing with each other. And next thing I know I opened my eyes and there is my Charlie staring at me. I guess he didn't want me to closed the door and stay there. :no: Just that look in his eyes makes me feel he knows more than I can even imagine.
 
#856 ·
It is Sunday again, as five years ago close to this hour when I had to say Goodbye to my Buddy. With my heart broken I gently stroked his soft fur for the last time and kissed his beautiful hazelnut eyes, this time closed forever in a deep sleep, like I did many, many times before. And I kept repeating like in those days when I would leave house to go to work “wait for me Buddy, mammy will come back”. On the grass, the same spot my Buddy took his last breath I see now a beautiful yellow (my favorite colour) flower, a dandelion. With my teary eyes in this flower I see my Buddy smiling and saying “keep on loving mammy I will wait for you and we will be together again”. And I hope to be with him one day again and it is this hope to keep me smiling.

When a dog, a beautiful golden retriever puppy who we named Buddy, came into our lives he was long wanted present for my daughter. For me he was just that, a dog. But then once we got to know each other I realized there is no such a thing as “just a dog”. There is a whole new world if you are ready to open your eyes and heart. Once I did that I was ready to learn. And he thought me a lot …about me, about love, life, a new beginning…and the end too.

I’ve learnt that my Buddy came into my life with a present, a gift of love, to teach me to love the other beings not just humans. And how great and endless this love could be. Once I opened up that gift of love all what was left was just peeling the layers one by one and realizing how blessed I am to have such a wonderful being next to me. And enjoying my Buddy’s presence each and every day, looking forward to see him after long work hours.
And then the day has come when I discovered there was another present attached to him, a gift of pain of losing him… Five years later I cherish both gifts given to me, gift of love and gift of pain. It is impossible to separate them, once you open first the second can’t be missed out. Both are treasured in my heart as I know now they made me who I am today and I hope turned me into a better person. So to all my friends who have lost their beautiful dogs when you open the gift of pain please do not think of it as a struggle, think of it as of a new you emerging, more loving and better person than you were before.

This thread is a story about love and loss, everything is already said in so many posts written here, all my love and sorrow, the pain and the new beginning. And not just my story, the stories of many of you who posted here as we have traveled hand in hand together the same path in our lives. My Charlie is my new beginning and his story did not start as “just a dog”. He is my Buddy’s gift to me to teach me to keep on loving.

My Buddy’s photo is on my nightstand, first thing I see in the mornings and last to see at night before I turn off the light. Yes I still miss him like crazy and think of him every day, some days with smile some days with tears, as he thought me to take life as it comes to me and make each day count. My love for him is deep as the deepest ocean and pure like a clear blue sky. There are nights when I can see his star twinkling far above the place we used to spend summer nights just sitting and enjoying each other company. And sometimes at night I hear a soft noise like someone is entering into my bedroom, thinking it is Charlie, just to find him sleeping at the other end of the house. Then I know it is my angel checking on me.

I wish so badly especially on days like this one I could have just 5 minutes with my Buddy … or just to see him one more time running into my hug with big golden smile on his face. And today again I am closing my eyes (while tears are flowing) and I am waiting for my Buddy to come running to me, I am waiting with my arms wide open.
 

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#858 ·
What an absolutely beautiful tribute to a wonderful and loving boy, Buddy. I sit here with tears flowing because every word of what you said I feel. One of the other great gifts our fur boys and girls gave us is the friendship of other golden lovers that we might never have met but except for them. Some got us here because of the pain of losing them and some got us here because we just love goldens. My love goes out to you Velinka on a hard day. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
 
#860 ·
Such a beautiful tribute to your precious Buddy, I have to admit I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I hope with all my heart that Barnaby has met Buddy as I know he will treasure his friendship at the bridge as I do yours here on this forum. Sending you hugs across, I hope you have smiley moments today remembering your wonderful Buddy and comforting cuddles from Charlie x
 
#861 ·
Thinking of you at this tough time, anniversaries never get easier, we think we are prepared for them and we will cope - but it never works that way does it?


WHAT MOVES THROUGH US IS A SILENCE, A QUIET SADNESS, A LONGING FOR ONE MORE DAY, ONE MORE WORD, ONE MORE TOUCH

WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LEFT THIS EARTH SO SOON, OR WHY YOU LEFT BEFORE WE WERE READY TO SAY GOODBYE

BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE, WE BEGIN TO REMEMBER NOT JUST THAT YOU DIED, BUT THAT YOU LIVED. AND THAT YOUR LIFE GAVE US MORE MEMORIES TOO BEAUTIFUL TO FORGET
 
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#864 ·
Thank you all my friends, it was tough day indeed. I did not mean to write a novel, thought I've already said everything and did not realize how long it was until my post was submitted. Thanks for reading, understanding and being with me in your thoughts one more time. It made it much easier to get thru the pain.

Charlie cuddled with me all day and it helped a lot, so wish my Buddy could see us, he would be very proud of his little brother.

I did feel quilt when we got Charlie for still loving and missing my Buddy so much. And I love Charlie too, I would die for him and he is not short of anything including love but once I've noticed that he is bonded with my husband (I think from day 1) the same way I was with my Buddy I was and am so happy for them, they both deserve to have that special bond and things are perfectly balancing out.

Thanks again for your support.
 
#865 ·
Thinking of you and sending trouts and prayers. Dakota says he will give you a cuddle and puppy kisses if he finds the tunnel there. :). It is tough but that love is a burden of honor. I still carry KC and Dusty's love and I am just very glad it was not them that had to loose me. None of us get out of life alive and I am proud to shoulder the burden of grief.
 
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#867 ·
Happy 15th Birthday my sweet Buddy, wish I could give you a biiiig birthday hug.

Today is my Buddy’s 15th birthday, 6th at The Bridge.
We woke up to the first snow on the ground, made Charlie happy and brought tears to my eyes. My Buddy loved snow so much and snow season is never long enough for him. Hope there is a plenty of snow there for you my Buddy.

Love and miss you forever.
 
#870 ·
Thinking of you, I'm sure that Buddy is playing in the snow with all the beautiful golden souls at the bridge. Happy 15th Birthday sweet boy, my Barnaby will definitely be organising a huge party for you x
 
#873 ·
These anniversary days are tough for us left here, but I hope that your memories of the happy time s you had with Buddy help you through

Mom, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colourful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, Mom, I'm everyplace!

Happy Birthday Buddy, I hope you have been playing in the snow with your many friends.
 
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