Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northern California
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I can definitely relate, but am so glad to read your recent post. We had to put our dog down in July, and I started contacting breeders in August. I cried throughout all of July and August, and then got to a place where I found it too painful to even talk about him. I have always second guessed by decision to get another dog...I can't say Monte would be thrilled, he had what I called "only child syndrome" and was a very jealous dog. The loss of him has been too painful, so I've been avoiding. I've never looked at his ashes, and I still have pictures and videos of him on my phone that I cannot bare to look at. It's not the healthiest way to cope, but I'm afraid if I let myself feel for too long I will get stuck in a place I cannot be in right now. The holidays are particularly difficult...my husband and I feel very alone, especially because since our wedding we have become estranged from my husbands family, and we had to put our dog down 2 weeks later...it was a lot of loss all at once.
I worry how I will feel when I pick up our dog. Will we ever love him as much as we loved Monte? Will I regret it, since of course, he will not be Monte? Will I be able to accept him for him, and for the things that make him different than Monte? It's nice to hear that you are feeling better now that your dog is there, it gives me hope.
I have been able to be very excited, and I stare at my email endlessly waiting for pictures. I want him home already, but I'm nervous. I really want to feel that love again, and have a dog to hang out with. I am needing to take care of something, and have it take care of me too. Without this anticipation and excitement of getting a new dog, I think this holiday season would have been unbearable. Even though it's been a year of ups and downs, I am particularly grateful that we have something to look forward to in the new year, when we get to bring home the new member of our family.