I can't fight this anymore. - Golden Retrievers : Golden Retriever Dog Forums
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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I can't fight this anymore.

I get up every day and fight to find joy. I love my girls that I have right now but I am nobody without my Allie Bean. I am lost and I feel alone. I wonder why she is gone and I want so bad to be with her. My little girl and the love of my life. I have nothing without her. I smell her, I see her beautiful eyes looking at me and I miss everything about her. I will never be the same person without my girl. My heart is so broken. I can't do this life without her. Just cannot get through this loss. I see her grave and I cannot believe my girl is laying there in the ground. Just feel like I have no fight left in me to do this.
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 12:46 PM
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I wish I could give you a hug. There are no other feelings of grief than what you are feeling for you sweet girl. There is just no way to get through it but one minute at a time. The only thing you can do is talk to us - we understand. But we NEED you here. My thoughts and prayers are going to you.

Dis is da Gussee an angels BoBo, Emmikins and Gamboi

"What we have enjoyed we never lose. All that we loved deeply becomes a part of us." Helen Keller
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 12:51 PM
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I too would love to send you a hug! I've been there, I understand. Words don't help. The only thing I could hold onto at the time was knowing how much it bothered my buddy when I was upset, he knew and felt it so I decided I had to be strong and fight my way through it to honor his memory. Hang tight, Allie would hate for you to be so sad ♥
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 12:53 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. I have known that helpless feeling and wondering if you will ever be able to love another quite the way you loved a heart dog. The only advice I can give you is to allow yourself to grieve but know that while time right now seems to be an enemy it will be your friend and slowly dull the pain you are feeling so sharply right now. One day, your memories of Allie Bean will comfort you rather than bring tears--she would want that for you.

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"But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . . But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." The Little Prince
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 12:55 PM
I miss my Buddy
 
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Please do not fight so hard, be gentle to yourself. I know it is not easy I am with you. Learn how to enjoy what you have. There are many days that I think I would be better off there with my Buddy than here. But my family needs me here, as your family and your girls need you. There are more for us to learn and give. It is just temporary separation, we will be together with them again.
Hugs.


9 & half short years in my life but forever in my heart http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...-my-buddy.html
"He took my heart and ran with it, and I hope he's running still, fast and strong, a piece of my heart bound up with his forever" - Patricia McConnell

Charlie could watch birds for hours and I could watch Charlie for hours too http://www.goldenretrieverforum.com/...n-morning.html
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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I am fighting so hard not to let my two beautiful girls see how sad I am. I know they feel it and that hurts me. I guess working in the back yard and seeing Allies grave just got me going. Yet I will say I am not the person I was and I do not know if I can ever be the same without Allie. She was my life. I will soon be 60 and wonder what I have to offer this sweet puppy I have. I don't have much to give her but love. Cronic fatigue and puppies do not go together. Yet I try to give her every ounce of energy I have. What was I thinking? She makes me happy but can I give her the best life she should have. I sure hope so..
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 01:15 PM
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If only we could wave a magic wand and it would take away our hurt and pain at having had to let our much loved ones go - but then it may also take away our happy memories of our lives together and that would hurt just as much.

There is no easy solution, personally I don;t think it ever gets easier, but we learn in time to cope with the hurt a little bit better.

Mom, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I'll never wander out of your sight-
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach-
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colourful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, Mom, I'm everyplace!



Kelly, Ginny, Ralph & Holly - Forever in my heart

"I miss the wagging little tail,
I miss the plaintive pleading wail,
I miss the wistful loving glance,
I miss the circling welcome dance"
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 01:19 PM
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Please don't second-guess yourself on your new pup. When I lost my Nikki my house was so quiet I would volunteer for extra work, go to movies by myself, anything not to be alone at home. I, too, jumped into getting a new puppy (actually two brothers) and while they were adorable I initially just could not feel the same about them as I had Nikki and wondered if I would ever be able to love them the way they deserved. Fast forward several months and I could not imagine my life without them. Give yourself and your pup a chance--Allie would want that so much for you.

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"But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . . But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." The Little Prince
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 01:25 PM
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As hard as it is, grief has to be experienced and embraced and absorbed in order to move on. Your other girls know exactly how sad you are. So please just be kind to yourself.... don't force anything. Every day may be a different kind of sad......anger, disbelief, stabbing pain, tears that won't stop. BUT.... in time it does become better. You will be able to revel in the joys you had with her and be thankful for the time you shared. And that is what she would want for you.

Here is a perfect place to share your feelings..... we know, we understand, we care. Hugs to you.

Oh... and the "only" thing you have to offer is love? Sounds like that is one blessed pup. Sounds like the perfect pair. She just may be the blessing that keeps you going!!!!



Betty and the Dallas crew


“Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened.” A. France
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 11-10-2012, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by ssacres View Post
I am fighting so hard not to let my two beautiful girls see how sad I am. I know they feel it and that hurts me. I guess working in the back yard and seeing Allies grave just got me going. Yet I will say I am not the person I was and I do not know if I can ever be the same without Allie. She was my life. I will soon be 60 and wonder what I have to offer this sweet puppy I have. I don't have much to give her but love. Cronic fatigue and puppies do not go together. Yet I try to give her every ounce of energy I have. What was I thinking? She makes me happy but can I give her the best life she should have. I sure hope so..
I can tell you that you are a wonderful Mother to your two girls simply because you are trying. All that dogs REALLY NEED to be happy is love, and YOU ARE full of love.
It's true you will never be the same person without Allie, but you will grow from this pain. I am a different person since I lost my Smooch, but Tucker has taught me new things. I know what you mean about fatigue, I'm 63, but as I said all dogs really want and need is to be loved. Allie would want you to be happy. Give your girls a big hug!!

Tucker, Tonka, and Karen

SNOBEAR at the Bridge
Dec. 23, 1999-March 27, 2010


SMOOCH at the Bridge.
Feb. 14, 1999-Dec. 7, 2010
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