Golden Retriever Dog Forums banner

New puppy, so frustrated, I need help

4K views 26 replies 15 participants last post by  Ljilly28 
#1 ·
I know it's late at night, but I just can't get any sleep.We moved into a new apartment today, and got our first golden retriever puppy. He is 12 weeks old. The breeder drove 4 hours deliver this cutie to us. After the whole day moving, we are all so frustrated. We put him into the crate try to start the crate training. (We used the divider)He barked and whined which I know it's pretty common. I think the correct way is to ignore him,right? So we went to petco to pick up some puppy food for him. It took us about 30mins. We got back found out he pooped a lot in the crate and the poop were all over his body. The breeder told us he just got a bath this morning, but we have no choice, we have to wash him. It was just a exhaust moving day. We got the crate, toy, food, leash, everything for him. However we forgot the dog shampoo. he still smell bad after the bath.( my fault, I apologize). Now we just all want to go to bed, we put him in the crate and locked the door, he starts barking and whining so loud!! I know I should've avoided him and don't give him attention. I tried that, he continued barking so loud, and won't stop. I just moved in, it's Sunday night, people gonna go to work tommorrow. I don't want my neighbor get annoyed and report to the office then I have to give him up which is the last thing I want to do. I tried saying " No" loudly, which worked at first, but once I turn around he will start barking again. I know it's all attention barking. He is afraid of the new environment and the he never been inside the crate before. So we let him out. I can see he is so exhausted from the 4 hour drive. Once he got out he go to sleep very fast, so I tried to put him in the crate while sleeping. Same thing happened again. I don't want him wake up in the morning and pee on the new carpet. That's why I want him in the crate. Oh, we tried the exercise pen too, he won't take it, he will try to jump out of it if it doesn't work, he will start barking again. Now I am laying on the carpet next to me is him sleeping. I was so sweaty and can't even get a bath because I don't to wake him up. I don't know if the neighbor is pissed or not, maybe tommorow morning the office will contact me about the problem. I am so frustrated right now and can't go to bed since I am not bathed and I am just laying on the carpet. (English is my second language, sorry for any grammar mistake or spelling, I love my dog I just want to solve the problem. I just registered this account ). Please help me, if anyone is still awake or can I get some advice in the morning.
 
See less See more
#2 ·
New puppy

Hello there! Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your new puppy. Would love to see some pictures when you get settled and have some time to catch your breath!

I'm sure you are exhausted. It sounds like tough timing, with moving into a new apartment yesterday, and getting a new puppy. Unfortunately, most puppies hate their crates at first. If you think about it, its puppy's first time away from mom, in a new place, and they don't want to be alone. Its very very common for them to bark, sometimes for a long time at first. A few things that can help: put the puppy's crate in the bedroom with you, close to the bed, so they can hear your breathing and movements, and then they know that they are not alone. Some puppies like to have a blanket in there that smells like you, and like them. A 12 week old puppy who hasn't been trained doesn't know "no" yet, so telling them "no" likely won't make them stop.

Try to exercise the puppy a LOT right before bed (then take them outside to potty), so they are really really tired and will fall asleep. Its sometimes easier to have them fall asleep outside of their crate and put them in their crate. Sometimes you have to let them cry it out at first. This can take a while. If they are still crying after 45ish min, try taking the puppy outside to potty, then immediately back to the crate.

If your puppy is quiet for an hour, and then starts crying and barking, they might need to go outside. Thats when you take them outside to potty, give a treat if they do, and then immediately back into the crate. Some puppies will want to play in the middle of the night, don't play with them, just put them back in the crate.

It takes patience and persistence at first. Some puppies hate their crates. My puppy barked for an hour at a time each night for a week. I was afraid my neighbors were going to kill me. I just apologized in advance, told them I had a brand new puppy I was crate training, and they understood. I'm not sure if it even bothered them. I went to sleep on the earlier end, so she wasn't pitching a fit really late at night.

It feels like forever, but they usually catch on pretty fast.

Good luck!! Hope you at least got a little bit of sleep tonight!
 
#3 · (Edited)
Hello, first day is usually the hardest for the puppy, so it will be best if you stayed with him/her for the first night. Also, crate training means to make the crate his/her house(den), so you're not supposed to force him/her to get into the crate or he/she will hate the crate forever. You have to let him/her get in. Put some treats inside and better, put his/her bed in the crate so he/she will see the crate as something comfortable(again, let him/her go inside by his/her own and not forced). I'm using a 60cm tall fence(sort of like playpen but made of steel) for my little puppy, and it work quite well. You can put treats inside the crate while he/she isn't looking, so he/she will see the crate as something "fun" which dispense food. Puppy will know you put the treat if he/she sees you. They're smart little fella. I hope this help. Remember, first week won't be as easy as the rest as the first week is the most stressful time for your pooch. I don't speak english so pardon if I make a mistake.

Also, what Piper_the_goldenpuppy said is right, exhausting your puppy is the best thing you can do for him/her, as it will make him/her very tired. A Tired pooch is a good pooch :D
 
#4 · (Edited)
You have to realize this is a baby. He's going to make lots of mistakes and you can put yourself in the fault place for most of them. If he pees inside, it is because you were not paying attention not because he did it on purpose.If he poops inside, it is because you didn't take him out at an appropriate interval. If he chews on your furniture it is up to you to distract him. Think BABY. And keep thinking it for several months. The best thing you can do is sign up for some classes so he has stimulation and socializing outside the home (which will be hectic until you get all moved in) and will be good for you to rely on for skills.
I wonder what the heck the breeder was thinking- it is way too hectic to expect a puppy to succeed.

Telling him No! means nothing to him. Would No! mean anything to a human baby? No- not until baby is a toddler and has a grasp of the language. He stopped when you said it the first time because it surprised him. Once he determined nothing new had entered the scene, he began again. Better to stop what you're doing when he barks and make some time for quick training sessions.
 
#5 · (Edited)
I completely understand where you're coming from. I've had Anna now for a few months, and you're going to have days where they're just exhausting. I'm in an apartment myself, and to be honest the first couple weeks after I got her I was afraid I may have made a mistake.

The good news is it gets better! I've been very consistent with her and given her lots of exercise and play and have been clear about boundaries and she's gotten SO much better. She's just a tick under 4 months old, but she's nearly potty trained (she's great about using dog pads in the apartment if we didn't make it out in time. If you haven't bought any of these, DO THIS NOW), she doesn't have major issues with chewing (though I have sacrificed a shoe or two), and she doesn't have any issues whatsoever with barking or aggression. She's really an absolute joy to have around at this point and she adds so much color to my life. I can't imagine her happy face not being there.

I'd strongly suggest reading the stickied post "It's a Puppy, Not a Problem". That post made it much easier for me to be patient with my pup. If you stick with it, it will get easier, much easier. They're just babies, and babies make lots and lots of mistakes.
 
#6 ·
Thanks everyone! Last night I was able to sleep until 3 after he peed and went to sleep. This morning he woke up and surprisingly he smelt the uriane on the wee pad and pooped on it! I was so proud of him. However, after pooping he immediately turn back and ate 1 small piece of his own poop. I wasn't able to stop him on time. he seems to really enjoy, and want to eat more, I stopped him and picked up his poop. I am a little bit worried about he eating his poop. I am afraid that if I am not at home, he will do the same thing. Anybody have had the same situation ?
 
#7 ·
Outside is really the best place for him to go potty. Outside, on a leash, where you can watch him. He'll be going potty outside as an adult, right? (Adult male golden retrievers have BIG poops). It works best to potty train outside from the beginning. :)

Also, about the crate - cover it with a blanket or dark sheet. Puppies get very upset if they can see you but can't get to you. Covering the crate makes it so he can't see you, it's dark so he wants to sleep, and it feels like a den.

Have you owned a dog before? I ask because you seem very very new to all this. Puppies are hard work, but they ARE worth it eventually!
 
#8 ·
Outside is really the best place for him to go potty. Outside, on a leash, where you can watch him. He'll be going potty outside as an adult, right? (Adult male golden retrievers have BIG poops). It works best to potty train outside from the beginning.


Also, about the crate - cover it with a blanket or dark sheet. Puppies get very upset if they can see you but can't get to you. Covering the crate makes it so he can't see you, it's dark so he wants to sleep, and it feels like a den.

Have you owned a dog before? I ask because you seem very very new to all this. Puppies are hard work, but they ARE worth it eventually!
This is my first dog, I am new to all this. I just got him yesterday. This morning i try to put leash on him. He seems very dislike it and will not walk(usually he is a very energize puppy). He refuse to walk on leash I have to drag him around everywhere. Then I think its maybe too much for him right now. I will try to put on leash this afternoon and take him outside for potty. I will see how that works for him
 
#10 ·
Hi and welcome! Congrats on your new puppy.


Puppies will bark/whine a lot in the beginning with the crate. If you're certain he doesn't have to go potty, I'd ignore. If it continues, I'd take him outside quietly with almost no interaction- bring him to a potty spot in the grass, and say "go potty" or whatever potty word you choose. I second darkening the crate. It helps a lot. I saw you "locked him in a room" Dogs, golden's especially love being with their people. I'd keep the crate in my room, as close to my bed as possible. This allows them to know you haven't abandoned them. You'll need to develop a routine. Feed smaller meals, 3 X a day, and cut off the water an hour or so before bedtime. If the routine is strict, the puppy will learn when bedtime is and what is expected of him. He surely didn't understand the word "no" or your frustrations.


If you leave him alone ensure he has gone out before you go. Their little bladders are so tiny and they have to go a lot. When our pup first came home it was literally timers set every 30 minutes. If she had a mistake, our fault. The leash walking will come. Do not drag the puppy. This is so awful for their joints and little bodies and teaches them absolutely nothing. If you have to carry him outside, carry him. Then use treats and positive words/reinforcement to make walking on the leash more comfortable. It has been mentioned, but he is a baby. You wouldn't drag a baby who couldn't walk, so don't drag a puppy who doesn't know how to leash walk. The world is so very new to him.


The puppy pads will make potty training harder. You're confusing him. You can pee here in the house, but not here. Take him out every 30 minutes- when you're carrying him use a potty phrase "lets go potty" and when he goes offer a treat(even a piece of his kibble) and make a BIG deal. "Yay! Potty! Good boy!" He won't have the same opportunities to eat poop if he is on a leash and near you at all times.


You'll need to do a puppy check at the vet as soon as possible and inquire about vaccines. I am assuming the breeder did his first round? You'll need to bring those copies. Because he is still a baby, and not fully vaccinated, I'd try and avoid high dog traffic areas(dog parks, pet stores, etc.) until he is current on all vaccines. The vet will help you determine the risk in your area.


Hope this helps some. Good luck!
 
#12 ·
Hi and welcome! Congrats on your new puppy.


Puppies will bark/whine a lot in the beginning with the crate. If you're certain he doesn't have to go potty, I'd ignore. If it continues, I'd take him outside quietly with almost no interaction- bring him to a potty spot in the grass, and say "go potty" or whatever potty word you choose. I second darkening the crate. It helps a lot. I saw you "locked him in a room" Dogs, golden's especially love being with their people. I'd keep the crate in my room, as close to my bed as possible. This allows them to know you haven't abandoned them. You'll need to develop a routine. Feed smaller meals, 3 X a day, and cut off the water an hour or so before bedtime. If the routine is strict, the puppy will learn when bedtime is and what is expected of him. He surely didn't understand the word "no" or your frustrations.

If you leave him alone ensure he has gone out before you go. Their little bladders are so tiny and they have to go a lot. When our pup first came home it was literally timers set every 30 minutes. If she had a mistake, our fault. The leash walking will come. Do not drag the puppy. This is so awful for their joints and little bodies and teaches them absolutely nothing. If you have to carry him outside, carry him. Then use treats and positive words/reinforcement to make walking on the leash more comfortable. It has been mentioned, but he is a baby. You wouldn't drag a baby who couldn't walk, so don't drag a puppy who doesn't know how to leash walk. The world is so very new to him.


The puppy pads will make potty training harder. You're confusing him. You can pee here in the house, but not here. Take him out every 30 minutes- when you're carrying him use a potty phrase "lets go potty" and when he goes offer a treat(even a piece of his kibble) and make a BIG deal. "Yay! Potty! Good boy!" He won't have the same opportunities to eat poop if he is on a leash and near you at all times.


You'll need to do a puppy check at the vet as soon as possible and inquire about vaccines. I am assuming the breeder did his first round? You'll need to bring those copies. Because he is still a baby, and not fully vaccinated, I'd try and avoid high dog traffic areas(dog parks, pet stores, etc.) until he is current on all vaccines. The vet will help you determine the risk in your area.


Hope this helps some. Good luck!
Wow, thanks, I learned a lot from you.
 
#17 · (Edited)
If you had to leave the house at 2 I definitely would have woke him up before 1:30. Puppies especially Golden Retrievers need alot of exercise and a half hour is no where enough time to tire him out before back in his crate. The more exercise you give him before crate time the better he'll be in the crate! If you know you are leaving and he's going in the crate I wouldn't let him sleep I'd take him outside for play time. And get rid of the pee pads! Last summer in the Arizona heat I lived outside potty training my puppy and by 12 weeks he was trained. I watched him like a hawk and never took my eyes off of him inside or outside. Some puppies need to go more than ever 30 minutes during the day. There are a lot of good training tips on youtube.
 
#18 ·
One tip that I have for crate training... this worked for both of my girls.

It helps if the puppy is already tired. I would lie down right outside the crate door, facing the puppy. Then I would close my eyes, and pretend to sleep. The thought behind it is the puppy will now see their master go to sleep, so they will realize that it is sleep time. They won't bark because they know you're right there. Usually within 5-10 minutes, my girls would be fast asleep. No peeps. Well, for a few hours until the middle of the night potty run.

One thing to remember... there's a reason Golden Retriever puppies are so cute. It's because that's the only way they'd survive! The first year can be rough. This is just the beginning (Just wait until teething!).

Remember, he's only 12 weeks old. How much could you do at 12 weeks? :) Just be patient with him, and give him unconditional love. It'll come back to you times a hundred.

So hang in there. I promise. It is totally worth it.
 
#19 ·
Congratulations for your new puppy.
I totally understand how much you would be tired but I can promise it will get easier.
When I got Jon, he was 10 weeks old & first a week I slept next to crate on the floor. It was so exhuasting but it got better over a week. I just told him night night & turned off all lights & laying on the floor. No talking, no petting, nothing but he could smell me & knew I was there. I guess that made him feel not so alone & he went to bed pretty quick.

Toilet training takes time & it also depend on dogs. Some puppies seems get quicker than others. Some puppy seems easier than others. Some puppies even don't wake up during the night but some do. You will know your puppy's toilet habit in few days & that will make it easier. First a week is get to know your puppy, what kind of personality, what is his sleeping or nap routine, how his bladder system works. All puppies are different.

I used 42" crate for him without divider. I used divider first 2 days, he scratched and cried. So took it out & no more scratching or crying & he never made mistake in there. So he was kind of puppy who likes bigger space to rest & sleep.
He also slept from 9PM to 6AM without waking up for toilet.
but he chewed almost every single dog beds & blankets in the crate that I got for him. So I learnt he prefered flat floor or form mat than soft one.
I learnt a lot over first week & then it got bit easier. So remember it won't be forever like this. It may hard but enjoy every single moment, they grow up so so fast & you will miss the little puppyhood.
 
#23 ·
Ok here's my trick for sleeping in the crate and for some reason it worked! I had a crate that was a travel type crate and put it on my bed with me. We went to bed at the same time. Crosby cried and whined UNTIL I turned on the classical music. I had a playlist of relaxing classical music and I put it on my phone and he would immediately stop whining. And I would turn it down a little lower and a little lower from song to song and within 15 minutes we were both sound asleep! I got him at 8 weeks and he was sleeping through the night in 3 days. HOWEVER he was a big puppy to start with. At 16 weeks he's completely house trained and doesn't even need to sleep in his crate anymore. He can sleep on the bed with me and sees it as his den. BUT, I was completely consistent with his potty training and it was over the summer and either me or my son was with him at all times. We watched that dog like a hawk and took him out constantly with the commands "go potty". We learned his patterns and remained very consistent. And honestly one day it just clicked. No more accidents in the house. Because I can tell you, you can find a post from just a few weeks ago when crosby was pooing inside the house on the carpet and I was so frustrated! They change and grow so fast! He will get it! Just be consistent. That is THE most important thing and teach the right behavior from the beginning. Throw out the potty pads.... it will just make you have to reteach him later... totally confusing! Good luck! You're going to love him A LOT more in a few weeks. LOL
 
#25 ·
well, I just talked to my neighbors, everyone said they didn't even hear a thing. I am doing some crate training right now.
That's great news. And try not to get too upset if they don't poop everytime you take them out. He may not have had to at that time, especially if he had already pooped after his most recent meal. Sounds like you guys are doing fine. Both of you are getting used to new homes and new routines. It will all fall into place.
 
#27 · (Edited)
The Puppy Primer by Patricia McConnell is so helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Puppy-Primer...1&keywords=puppy+primer+by+patricia+mcconnell

Try to always give the pup the befit of the doubt in your heart. They are just foolish babies full of love, and don't mean to make mistakes. They have to learn to communicate with a whole different species, and we have to learn to communicate with them- a lifelong conversation. You are building the bridge of love and trust now with the puppy.

whatever you reward you will get more of it for good and for bad.

Whatever habits the pup forms will be repeated- so that means if we potty outside ten times we will tend to do that the eleventh, but if we potty inside ten times, it isn't too likely to be outside on the 11th. It is up to the human to manage the puppy until good habits become second nature. It IS a hard period of time, but not a long one.

Punishment might suppress a behavior , but it loses the pup's overall trust.

enjoy your puppy's wonder in the world- they grow up too fast.

If this is your first puppy, then go to an awesome puppy class, puppy kindergarten , or STAR Puppy with a trainer certified CPDT-KA.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top