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Did I bring home the wrong puppy?

10K views 57 replies 40 participants last post by  Larsbar79 
#1 ·
I have a 10-week-old, super adorable fella I brought home a week ago. But I’m wondering if we’re mismatched. I really hope not, but here’s what’s what:

My first-ever Golden, Max, was my soul pup. We bonded instantly and fell completely in love in about 10 minutes. I would have taken a bullet or given a kidney for that dog—he was so, so special and so, so close to me. I devoted my days to him. We hiked about 8 miles in the woods and swam in the nearby river or at the lake place every day. He went everywhere with me. He slept in my bed. He was my 24/7 companion and my best friend in the world. There was nothing like him. My son and boyfriend teased that they were just afterthoughts to Max. At not even three years of age, he was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Imagine my devastation. We amputated, tried chemo, tried everything. For six months, he was a glorious tripawd and did everything he ever did on four legs. But the cancer took over his body, and nothing we could do could save him. I spent every one of those days by his side, spoiling him, sleeping on the floor with him, sitting outside and watching the clouds drift by, doing whatever he wanted. He passed away in October—not quite six months ago. I suffered through a sad winter after, and nothing fills his profound absence. My grieving is far from over.

Everyone told me to get another dog, but I thought it would be years before I was ready for another Golden. My boyfriend saw an ad and persuaded me to take a look at the litter. The breeder is reputable, and the parents are magnificent—gorgeous, sweet dogs with impressive pedigree. As irresistible as the puppies were, it was the parents who sold me.

The breeder recommended a boy from the litter who she said would be perfect for my needs: a loving companion, a fellow hiker, a best friend. I trusted her suggestion and went with him. I’ve named him Leo in honor of Max’s lion heart. He’s been home with me for a week… but I’m struggling a little bit.

He’s VERY independent and quite smart, already responding to some light training (sit, come). He follows me around and regards me as Person Number One, but he doesn’t seem to LOVE me—he won’t snuggle closely, and no puppy kisses. I pet him and kiss him and scratch his tummy, and he seems to like it, but he doesn’t respond to it—no licks, no paw. He’s absolutely obsessed with going outside. He whines and paws at the door. I have a third-floor condo, so there’s no yard for him to go hang out in. I have to go up and down two flights of stairs to take him in and out. This wasn’t a problem with Max—we went for long hikes and walks around the neighborhood and then just came inside. I’m not trying to compare him to Max—I want him to be who he is and appreciate his unique character—but I need him to love me. He seems slightly indifferent, or at least way more preoccupied with the world around him.

Am I overreacting? I just feel really disheartened? Is he showing deep-seated traits (himself over me, a need to be stimulated always) or just new puppy curiosities and quirks? Max was the only other dog I’ve ever had, and he was perfect. I’m smitten with Leo and really, really want this to work, but I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake. Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.
 
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#2 ·
Many puppies who are that young aren't all lovey and snuggly. That doesn't mean they won't be, it's just they're distracted with all the new things in their world. Training sessions, lots of play, will forge the bond that you're looking for, perhaps just not in the immediate time frame you're seeking. The fact that he follows you around and looks to you as his person is good news. Just allow him time to mature and grow into himself because whether you want to or not, you are comparing him to Max. I'm sorry you lost your heart dog so young; cancer is the bane of golden lovers' existence, and most people here know the devastation of that diagnosis. Give little Leo time, attention, training and affection and he will become another beloved dog to help fill that empty spot in your heart that Max left behind.
 
#3 · (Edited)
but I need him to love me
I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake.
I'm not sure if it's wise for me to respond, but here goes.

I'm trying to understand what on earth goes through a person's head to consider returning a puppy just because it doesn't love the person enough.

I don't think it's necessary to have that close bond with a dog and have that dog giving you his whole heart... before you value that dog.

If you ever heard the thingy - "If you love something, let it free... if it's meant to be, return to me"... I always had that in my head with each puppy we brought home.

Our #1 and #2 goldens - they gave their hearts to my oldest sister. They were family dogs. They loved everyone - but they especially loved her.

Never occurred to me to not value those dogs because they loved me less than they loved my sister!

#3 golden was independent and not over affectionate. He bonded with the #2 boy best. Literally - he gave his heart to that other dog. They lived to old age together... that whole time, he was my dog. I still remember the way his head smelled. If you ever smell honeysuckle or those weird weeds that look like dandelions but they actually have a sweet flower like fragrance - that's what my Danny smelled like. To this day, I remember how touching his head, kissing his face, holding him, looking at him and so on... made me happy. It didn't really matter to me whether he was "my" heart dog the same way the #1 and #2 boys had been heart dogs for my oldest sister. I gave my heart to that dog. Even today, looking at pictures and remembering him... still makes me happy. That's love.

My Jacks... was the first dog to be mine absolutely. I still remember the exact moment where I looked down at his little puppy face (he was about 3-1/2 months or so) during a quick walk... and he was looking up at me. And as I smiled down at him, his face lit up and he started prancing for me. It was like a string pulling between us. That was the first time I've had any dog give his heart to me. It's not about being licked or having a dog give you paw... Jacks was our mouthiest puppy by the way. He didn't lick when he felt VERY HAPPY AND LOVVY... he mouthed. :) And he's completely mine. We apparently have some kind of crazy bond where he knows when coming home when I've been away. Doesn't matter the irregular times or length of time - about 20-30 minutes before I pull up the driveway, he starts pacing and watching the windows for me. He's one of those dogs who - his whole heart is in his face when he looks at you. I've told my sister this as well... my younger dog will wag his tail for anyone or any reason... when my Jacks wags his tail - it's because he loves you and he's happy.

Bertie was an independent puppy and actually when I was checking out the litter, he flunked a few of the little tests I did to determine if he had the traits I wanted. One of his brothers did the retrieve thing, wanted to be in my space, was crawling in my lap and wanted to snuggle and so on... Bertie meanwhile was nonstop movement chasing and playing with his brothers, after which point he was skittering away from everyone to crash under the furniture. His brother was a better choice based on the tests, however for sensible reasons - Bertie was a better choice. He was bound to have the health, confidence, and agility I wanted in a dog. Bertie was my first puppy who right from the beginning curled up right by my face at bedtime that first night and slept pretty much the whole time with either his face scrunched up and touching my face or propping his feet on me. And he just over time continued to grow more affectionate. To this day, he loves being touched. I joke with people at shows not to pet him because he won't leave them alone afterwards - he'll keep going up and trying to tuck his head under their arms to make them hug him or he'll be climbing up into their laps. Around 4-5 months - he also started showing definite signs of just being my dog. This is a dog who to this day - he will come up and push his nose/muzzle against my face and wait for me to kiss him. And sometimes he will hang out with his muzzle right there so I can keep kissing him (LOL). Licks and tail wags with this boy are meaningless in the grand scheme of things - because he licks and wags for everyone and everything.

I still love Jacks best because he went through hard times with his anxiety issues - a lot of which involved me protecting him and taking care of him. And that's a kind of bond that gets stronger with more problems you throw in there. But Bertie is very close 2nd in my heart.

Oh heck - I love our cat! LOL. And a huge show of affection from Lu - is him walking in a room that you are in, plopping down somewhere you can see him, and he will give you his "sunny eyes" and wink at you.

I'm typing all this out while being on the road by myself for the night. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow because I made special arrangements to go back and fetch my dogs and my sister for the rest of the week that I have to be away from home. I miss them so much! And I hate being alone in a hotel room. o_O

Long schpeel said... I want to reiterate and probably not as eloquently as I did a few minutes ago before the darn backspace button wiped out everything I said!

To love a creature... it shouldn't be a primary requirement to be loved back. A lot of different animals love in their own ways. Even when you aren't their main person. It doesn't matter and it really isn't a reason to return a dog. My opinion anyway.
 
#43 · (Edited)
You know. I agree with you. I don't think it was wise to respond in the way you did.. but...there you go again. You seem to think a lot of your knowledge in any situation of how people should respond in a situation regarding Goldens. The heart and the brain are not one organ and quite honestly, you sound like a text-book while giving lip service by saying 'I probably shouldn't say this'. Yes. You are right. What you write is not helpful and you are discarding the confused and sad person all for the sake of the animal. It is a 50/50 relationship. I grieve for this woman who is still in the middle of dealing with her loss of her 'Heart-Golden' at such a young age...just as I am still grieving everyday for Cara..even though she passed at 12 in July. Who knows why she is responding the way she is? Mis-matched? Possible. Too soon? - possible. But it is not about you and your philosophy when it comes to dogs. It is about the owner and her own UNIQUE situation at this moment. I had the same response as this Young Lady did when I saw Cara. It just worked from the beginning and was one of the great love affairs of all time....and this poor Gal lost her dog at 3 years.I would have had to be locked away if Cara had passed at 3..12 was unbearable as it was. As for my pup Skye. She is now just under 7 months and I love her and she has made the house a home again but...she is not the 'soul-mate heart-Golden' that I was spoiled by Cara. But..I went into having a new pup without looking for that 'once-in-a-lifetime-bond'. Could it have happened...hey..I was open to anything. Skye is similar but very different which is what I wanted. She is cuddly..when she wants to be...she loves me intensely..but she is too much at times and not calm like Cara was at this age and I am learning from the experience and molding her and we are working together. That being said....I am the type who can look at Skye and separate the fact that she has nothing to do with my sadness for Cara. I am so happy she is here.But.. are we a 'fit like a glove'?.No...and that is fine. Everyone is different and although I think much more time needs to pass before this Young Lady can sort out her feelings about her Golden that passed and then see how her relationship evolves with her pup...you should not judge her situation as you know nothing except what you read. Just offer some support for once ..instead of going of on tangents about what is 'right or wrong'.
 
#4 ·
What if little Leo was thinking "I wish she loved me as much as she loved Max". Of course he isn't but he could be. When my first child was born I had no feelings for her at all. It was only on day four when they brought her to me in a little red nightdress and it made her poor little jaundiced face look suntanned that I was overcome by a feeling of complete love. And on a completely different slant I have found with other animals that they can be more interested in you if you ignore them. Ignore the cat and it will soon want to sit on your lap. Ignore the horse and it soon comes over to see what you are up to. Don't try and force the relationship but let it develop at its own pace and it surely will.
 
#5 ·
I keep reading this and well, am saddened. Not only for your obvious heartbreak, but for your Leo - even named for your Max, not himself.

Do you think you can embrace Leo for all he is and see the world through his eyes? A whole new bright & shining world, to explore and get to know. A bright place but a place where nothing is yet familiar? A new family where there is a sadness he doesn't know how to address?

When you 'kiss' him (btw; this is a learned behavior for many dogs and they don't like it at first), are you seeing Leo in front of you or are you mourning Max?

Let Leo learn his world and give him the space and gentle guidance he needs - he cannot go on 8 mile walks yet, he needs to climb up and down those flights of stairs for potty breaks, he needs to see where that leaf is blowing, where the breezes are carrying those scents, where those other dogs have left calling cards.

Look into his beautiful eyes and see all he has to offer you - don't rush the connection, it will bloom in its own time as you get to know each other and train him in all he needs to know about living in your world.

Good luck with your puppy ; he can never be Max but that is as it should be. He is with you to be Leo; on his own terms.
 
#6 ·
....Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.
It is hard to bring home the next puppy after you've lost your first Golden, especially if that first one was special. I have been there and what I vividly remember was being hit with the realization that I had lost a compatriot, a companion - an adult soul. Now in his place (I was a one dog household) I had a needy handful of a baby. It is the same way with human babies and puppies: mostly take, take, take. Not too much giving until that first moment they put their arms around your neck and hug you (Holy cow, do you remember that amazing feeling of your toddler hugging you?) Well, it's the same with the puppy. There's going to be a lot of taking for a while and it's going to be some time before he is mature enough to do much giving.

You're not the only one to have these feelings, but I will admit I"m surprised that you are expecting so much from a baby. All relationships take time to develop and dogs are no different. Your expectations from Max were much lower because you had never lived with a Golden before. Now you have set the bar for Leo pretty darn high, he deserves the investment of time and attention and training that you gave the first time so that he, too, can develop into a great dog. But he will never be Max.

I'm going to take a little leap here and make a guess: is your son your only child? People with multiple children learn early on that it is possible to have great love for multiple children but they can be for different reasons, for different gifts that each child has. I have 3 kids, I adore them all individually for vastly different personalities. It's time for you to let Max go and start learning about all the gifts that Leo is bringing to your life.

Start investigating new things to do with Leo that you've never done before. Get out of your comfort zone and look for new adventures, new places to hike, a new place for him to swim etc. Start searching for a serious dog training club, one where they teach agility, competition obedience, rally etc. and get involved. (It's not too soon) Plan on taking classes with Leo consistently and make a commitment to do it for the first two years of his life. Develop new friends, interests and habits that are things you've only done with Leo. If he is independent and smart, the sky is the limit on what you can do with him. You said yourself that he sees you as his #1 human, now start working with that.

This is a puppy who you've only had a week, you've described a normal, bright, loving Golden pup who is slightly more independent that your previous dog. You're the adult, the leader, and it's up to you to help him grow into the dog he has the potential to be. He will not grow up to be Max, but if you will invest the time and training and accept him as an individual, he will grow up to be an amazing Leo. (Incidentally, I absolutely love his name and I hope you will share some photos of him with us.)
 
#7 ·
We lost our golden 14 years ago and brought our new puppy home 3 weeks ago. Our dog Nicky was absolutely the best dog...he would lie his head in my sons snuggli seat and sleep, and was the best behaved easy going dog. Our new puppy the 1st couple weeks was a handful but also the most sweet loving puppy. The past week she's just mellowed and become one of the family. If we go on walks she won't walk till we are all together. She knows her family. I'm sure your new puppy will bond with you and you won't imagine life without him. I know we can't. Good luck with Leo, he's a lucky boy.
 
#10 ·
Wow--lotta judgement out there. Trust me: I'm completely smitten with Leo. I named him in honor of Max the same way you name a child for his grandparents. It's a tribute, not an expectation. I know he will be different. He even looks different, and I'm glad for that. I told Max's story to give some context for my situation with Leo and explain that, besides Max, I'm a rookie at this. I pour everything into a dog--I can't help it. They aren't pets to me, but true companions and family members. I'm sure you can all relate to that.

It was Leo's best interest I had at heart when asking for advice. My own, too, of course. Yes, I know all about training. Yes, I will take him new places to hike. I will absolutely give him the best life within my power. Clearly I'm not a heartless person--look how I cared for Max.

I just wondered if there were ever any tragic mismatches out there. Didn't expect a barrage of condescension.
 
#44 · (Edited)
I know how you feel

Wow--lotta judgement out there. Trust me: I'm completely smitten with Leo. I named him in honor of Max the same way you name a child for his grandparents. It's a tribute, not an expectation. I know he will be different. He even looks different, and I'm glad for that. I told Max's story to give some context for my situation with Leo and explain that, besides Max, I'm a rookie at this. I pour everything into a dog--I can't help it. They aren't pets to me, but true companions and family members. I'm sure you can all relate to that.

It was Leo's best interest I had at heart when asking for advice. My own, too, of course. Yes, I know all about training. Yes, I will take him new places to hike. I will absolutely give him the best life within my power. Clearly I'm not a heartless person--look how I cared for Max.

I am totally with you and don't let the 'Judgmental experts' get to you. 'They have the answer to everything with the solution for nothing.' :) I grieve for your loss and you will find your way with your new pup as I was in the same situation,lost my heart-Golden Cara..of 12 years in July and almost died from grief, myself. During that period...some people were so helpful it was wonderful and then there were the people waiting to sound 'superior' and take things out of 'context'. Fast forward. I have a puppy now and she is wonderful but very different ...which is what I wanted. I can say Skye and I have a very different relationship but as 'so many great people on this board told me'...she has helped heal my heart and I can think of Cara with a smile now. There are amazing people on this board and as Zelda said in Poltergeist 'go towards the light' :) . You'll find the wonderful people and learn who to respond too. Good luck with your situation and keep us posted. I truly care.

Cara-Mia - 7/3-7/15 _ My Forever Heart Golden
Skye _ Gotcha Day 11/13/15
 

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#15 ·
All right, let's just call it a barrage of holier-than-thou high-mindedess. I'm looking at you, Megora. Much as I was awed by your riveting self-tribute to your endless fount of animal love--even the cat, gasp!--it was utterly unhelpful.

Sometimes, when people confess to feeling unsure and uneasy in a late-night forum post, they're just looking for a little support and understanding. An I've-been-there-too pep talk. Words of encouragement. Loving a new puppy in the midst of grief is bound to have its rough patches--that sort of thing.

One of the most helpful resources during Max's amputation and cancer treatment was the a Tripawds community forum. Those people are so, so nice and supportive. We should try to me more like that here. Not so much one-upping and showing off expertise.
 
#16 ·
I didn't read any condescension in any of the replies - just honesty.

I think Nolefan's response was spot on. I, too, lost my heart and soul dog after 12 years. I never thought I'd be able to have another dog, let alone love another one the way I loved her. (And I will just add here that she was a very independent Golden. She was not a snuggler, she was good being in the same room as me, or on the couch, but she didn't need to be on top of me. But we had the strongest bond you could ever have. So it IS possible to have that even if you don't have a snuggler). But I DO love my new Golden. Not more or less - just along with.

The thing to keep in mind is that your new puppy has only been on this earth for a few short weeks. You and your home are totally new to him. Why should he love you right away? He needs to get to know you first. :) But trust me, it will happen. Puppies are like babies - they need a lot, they are a lot of work. But the bond develops as you are caring for him, teaching him new things, experiencing life together. The dog you remember was a grown up who had spent years with you. Your new pup will get there with love and caring. In six months, you will look back on this post and think, how could I ever have worried about this? :)
 
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#17 ·
I think people are giving you a different opinion or insight. If you are not happy with him, please return him to the breeder where someone will be matched better for him.

BTW: my oldest puppy was like that. She is now the love of my life!
 
#18 ·
Give it some time. What you are feeling is normal.

The first time around, you fell easily because you had a whole heart to give.

This time, part of your heart is occupied. You are still grieving. This time, the fall into love may be subtle. You might not realize you have gotten to that head over heals until you have a near miss and feel your heart in your throat.

Your feelings are normal.

Find reasons to celebrate the new relationship you have with Leo. It may be a serendipity sort of love that is growing: one that will surprise you with joy when you are least expecting it.
 
#19 ·
I was going to write a long answer because I have three dogs and they all show affection in different ways and our relationships have changed over the years. Just know that every dog shows affection differently and it will change over time. Be open to accepting affection however they show it.

Most importantly, he will love you. If you are a loving and kind owner, don't worry, I can't imagine he won't love you.
 
#21 ·
Okay, sorry, I decided to write a little more because he is, after all, a puppy. The first year is a lot of learning and exploring and crazy energy. So, I can honestly say that the first year just feels like a lot of work sometimes. But, there are moments where you see a peak of what the dog will be like when their energy really settles down. I have an 8 month rescue. Rescues are a bit different because you need to give them a little longer to settle into a "secure" mentality. I had another rescue that growled whenever we came close to his face. It took a year of work but now I can kiss him on the mouth and he will annoyingly get in your face and lick you like crazy. I can't complain though because of where he started.

Honestly, it will depend on you. If you love him and show him affection, he will grow into being a loving dog. He may never snuggle but he may sit by your feet or give you kisses or ask for belly rubs. He will show affection in his way and you have to be open to seeing it and accepting it. My 3 year old won't sleep in my bed, which bums me, but she loves belly rubs and sometimes licks my face off. There's no one way it's supposed to be.

My 8 month was different. She's very enthusiastic and curious. She's always exploring the world and that's a good thing. She has moments where she attacks me with kisses and right after will try to eat my shoe. That's normal.

So, just give him the loving environment and be open to accepting his affection no matter how he shows it and be patient, one days you'll miss the puppy days that make us all wonder what the heck we were thinking when we got them.
 
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#22 ·
He’s VERY independent and quite smart, already responding to some light training (sit, come). He follows me around and regards me as Person Number One, but he doesn’t seem to LOVE me—he won’t snuggle closely, and no puppy kisses. I pet him and kiss him and scratch his tummy, and he seems to like it, but he doesn’t respond to it—no licks, no paw. He’s absolutely obsessed with going outside. He whines and paws at the door. I have a third-floor condo, so there’s no yard for him to go hang out in. I have to go up and down two flights of stairs to take him in and out. This wasn’t a problem with Max—we went for long hikes and walks around the neighborhood and then just came inside. I’m not trying to compare him to Max—I want him to be who he is and appreciate his unique character—but I need him to love me. He seems slightly indifferent, or at least way more preoccupied with the world around him.

Am I overreacting? I just feel really disheartened? Is he showing deep-seated traits (himself over me, a need to be stimulated always) or just new puppy curiosities and quirks? Max was the only other dog I’ve ever had, and he was perfect. I’m smitten with Leo and really, really want this to work, but I don’t want to get too far down the road with him if it’s a mistake. Any insight or experience on this subject? I would be so grateful.
I can sympathize with what you're feeling because I've just gone through the process of getting a new pup after losing what I'm convinced was the best dog I'll ever own.

Some background: My dog Ruby was eight years old. She was my constant and much-loved companion (I'm self-employed) in addition to being a wonderful, high-drive agility partner. She was a three-time provincial champion and, at the time of her death, was the reigning Canadian national agility champion in her class. Six months after winning the national championship, with absolutely no warning, she became ill and died three days later of cardiac hemangioscacoma. To say I was devastated is a gross understatement. Our story is here: Losing Ruby if you're interested. It took me a year to be able to write it down. I've grieved for her as much as I've grieved for the humans I've lost.

Anyway.

For many months I thought I wouldn't get another dog. The grief was (and still is, to some extent) overwhelming. My agility friends told me I needed a pup in order to move forward. So I contacted a couple of breeders to ask about female pups, because I've always had females. Pups were offered - wonderful dogs from excellent working lines that were exactly what I wanted. I didn't take them. There was always something - not with the pups, I now realize, but with me. I guess I wasn't ready.

Then Ruby's breeder (who is no longer breeding) suggested that I consider taking a male pup this time, to lessen the feeling of guilt at "replacing" Ruby. A light bulb went off - I don't know why I didn't think of this myself. Fast-forward a few more months, and a boy became available from lovely working lines, exactly what I wanted. I gathered my courage and went to collect him at the end of January.

If it's been a while since you've had a pup, you forget what they're like. At least, I did. To a pup, the whole world is new. All they want to do is explore, discover, chew whatever they find, eat whatever's on the floor, pee everywhere and have fun. And then there's us: we put them in crates, we stop them from chewing, we don't like it when they pee in the house. We're not fun. In fact, we're the opposite of what a pup regards as fun, especially when we're tired because they wake us up at night ... So they don't immediately love us - why would they? I wouldn't, in their shoes. We're of absolutely no interest to them.

My Duster is 18 weeks old now. At eight weeks of age, all he wanted to do was to be outside and eat sticks, or pine needles, or rocks, or whatever. Indoors, all he wanted to do was play with my daughter's poodle and torture our cat. So I got him into puppy class and started training him to do fun tricks in exchange for treats. We're currently in obedience class. We hang out. I talk to him. I take him everywhere - shopping, visiting, to local events, whatever. The ice and snow have melted enough for us to be able to take long walks in the neighbourhood, so he can learn not to pull on leash. We sometimes go to the agility training hall, to look at the equipment and practise foundation handling (without obstacles). I occasionally give him high-value treats at unexpected times, just because.

About a month ago he started following me around the house like a little shadow. It was the first time he seemed to prefer me over the household poodle. A couple of weeks ago he chose a spot right by my feet to settle in the evening, so I moved his cushion there. Then one evening he brought me a toy to play with. Our nightly tug sessions have become a tradition now - I barely have time to sit down after supper, and there he is, with his tug, waiting to play.

Two days ago he climbed into my lap for the first time, to sleep. He didn't stay long. Last night, though, he came back, and he put his head on my shoulder and stayed for longer. I think he might be a lap dog after all.

Last weekend I was at an agility trial with my daughter, at an indoor venue normally used for horse events. A friend of ours was running his novice dog - a rescue that he's been training for about a year. They had a couple of nice runs, and then, in the next one, the dog went off to sniff the ground instead. My friend was philosophical. "At least I know what I have to do next," he said. "I have to make myself more interesting than horse poop."

That, to me, sort of sums up the human's role in the human-dog relationship. Our job is to make ourselves more interesting than anything else in the dog's life, whether it be horse poop or toy poodles. And that takes time. A week is nothing at all in the grand scheme of things. It's normal for young pups to focus on other stuff and to seem independent. They haven't had time to get to know their humans yet.

I don't think your pup is a mismatch - he's just being a pup. It sounds like you dealt with a good breeder who took care to choose a dog who would suit you. My advice: don't worry, and don't force things. Do stuff with your pup: train him, take him places, play with him, become a source of good food. You'll learn to love one another.

He'll never be what you lost, but he'll be something else. He'll make a second set of pawprints in your life, alongside Max's. And you'll love him just as much.

Best of luck. It will work out.
 
#23 ·
I went through this, also, when I brought Rusty home. It took a while for me to adjust to him and love him for him. Before him we had Rico, who we raised from a pup and died at age 11. He seemed perfect to me and I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that Rusty was COMPLETELY different. I tried to see things through Rusty's eyes, which really helped. Now that I can love him just for him, things are much better. It just takes time for both of you.

Does he beg to go outside when you've already been for a walk? Just wondered if it was his needing to get rid of energy. Rusty is like that. Wears me out (I have 33% lung function), but when I can take him out for exercise early in the day it helps with his begging and pacing later on.

I'm sure Leo is adorable. I love that name!
 
#24 ·
Thank you all so much! I truly appreciate your thoughtful responses and for sharing your own stories. Yesterday was rough, and I was very emotional. I love my little Leo to bits and I know we will develop a bond for the ages. That magic Golden temperament will conquer all!

And my heart goes out to all who have lost loving dogs. It's an act of faith, entering back into this cycle of life again. I do trust that it will take all of us who do to amazing places.
 
#25 ·
I have a 6 month old pup, and I have really struggled with our relationship. Got her at 10 weeks and she was a very bity pup. She would bite inside, she would bite the leash outside, I was so frustrated I was driven to tears repeatedly. And there was no 'loving; in return. She simply wasn't approachable. Even caught her tooth on my nostril early on. In my down moments I felt like I made a big mistake picking her. Elsa is very much all about Elsa. Fetch was the only thing we could enjoy doing together, and have we done a lot of that!

Things have come a long way. She can now walk up to me and put her head in my lap and look at me without using teeth at the same time. Most of our walks are good bonding time, and others are very difficult. She is strong enough to rip my hands up with the leash, and in Elsa's case, it is fear of things that make her bolt. When we go for off leash walks, in the bush or on the beach, her recall is about 90 percent. I take that as a sign of Love. There is also lots of cliff side ocean where I live. Scares the h@ll out of me taking her for walks near them, but since they are a part of life, we had to deal with it. So at first, on leash, every time we were coming to the edge of a cliff, I would say, 'Careful', 'Careful'. Now I can say that and she immediately slows down and proceeds cautiously. That is her Trust in me. In fact the other day, I crossed a board walk over a small ravine, and she come racing along about 10 feet off from the bridge, I yelled 'Stop!' as my heart raced, and she ground to a halt, looked down and then came to the bridge. She Believed in my command.

What I am saying, is that Elsa is no cuddler, but she does love me. Her idea of love is chewing a piece of bone in your face while she leans on you, but she has learned so many subtle commands from me.

She won't Stay. Her Down sucks. And I often feel like she adores DH more than me because he's the fun person and I am the disciplinarian. But I just keep the image of my grown up Golden Girl in my mind. I have been doing that from the start.

I send you Hugs about feeling judge. But there are a lot of us who do, 'Get it'. You wanted a chance to vent how you feel. You were brave to do it here. Better to get your feelings out in the open and look at them, then to bottle it up, and feel guilty for having them. It takes a lot of time and energy to raise an independent pup. I for one do not long for the puppy Elsa at all. Every time she acts grown up, I give her so much praise and hugs. She accepts hugs are part of the deal now, lol.
 
#26 ·
It will get better! Puppies can be frustrating at times! Sometimes, the most rotten ones make the best dogs ;-)
 
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#27 ·
We get this post so often on this forum, and I think it is heartbreaking for those of us who breed or raise baby pups. They have only been on this earth for ten weeks- eyes open for fewer- but so so much is expected of them beyond learning this world by a new species' rules. Devote yourself to your puppy, and when he is two and grown up more, he will devote himself to you until he is grey. If you realize it is too soon, and your heart is closed to the baby, then return him and let him be a heart dog for someone whose time is right for him.
 
#28 ·
'Second thoughts' - when the picture in our mind's eye is altered by reality. When what we wish is not what 'IS', but given time, opening of the heart and mind - CAN be - if we 'believe'.

Don't give up on your puppy, love him for who he is, believe in him, help him be all HE can be. Give him a place in your heart and he will give you his.
 
#29 ·
All dogs have their own personality. And looking for a dog that is the same as your last is near to impossible. That being said I am more into picking my own dog. I picked Baci because he smiled and kissed me.

I would give it time. A week is a tiny bit of time. If you have a puppy sitting that is cool. Mine knows where to go out and where his food is. But he doesn't like any treats yet. Just likes hearing "good".


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#30 ·
i remember- very early on- thinking (and saying out loud) that my puppy - now 18 months - doesn't love me! he was kind of independent, not really interested in "snuggling" and sometimes just ignored me! What I forgot is that his behavior is what puppies do - it's part of their development. As an 18+ month old, he is very sweet - loves to be with me, frequently snuggles on the couch, etc. Sometimes he gives "kisses" - other times he can't be bothered but we are certainly bonded!!
 
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