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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 12:10 AM Thread Starter
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Advice, Bentley going back to NH

I've decided to restart our daily routine Monday and take Bentley to the nursing home. This will be his first time there since my MIL passed away.
He loves going there and he visits with everybody but he has a set routine. We walk in and he knows the way to MIL's room which is his first stop.

I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I let him go to her room to see that she's not there or would it be better to avoid her room? Losing her was a big deal for us but I don't want it to become a big deal for Bentley at his age.

All advice appreciated. Thanks.
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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 12:21 AM
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Personally I would not go there quite yet. I would go to a pet store, a park or elsewhere for awhile. JMHO.


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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 12:28 AM
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Oh god! This is a tough one. I personally, would avoid it. But I know that you can't avoid it forever. At the very least, I would avoid the room for a while. Or you can do the polar opposite and go to the room and have a good, long, cry with Bentley. Talk to him. Tell him what happened and just let it out. It might be better for him to be able to deal with this upfront instead of avoiding the issue.

I don't know how it would cause issues. Would he get depressed? I have a limited experience with death and none that involves my pup. I'm sorry I cannot be more helpful

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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 12:31 AM
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Well, I guess that I'd be more worried about how you would feel. I think Bentley will be just fine--his life revolves around you, your DH, and Ky. if you feel up to it, do it. Or give it a little while longer.
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 12:47 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks. I know it's going to be hard for me no matter how long we wait. I just feel the need to see her friends because they don't get visitors in the nursing home and that's horribly sad. They all love Bentley and I would like to help them heal if I can.
I don't know what Bentley will think.one day she was in therapy when we got there and Bentley looked in all the rooms for her before he made his rounds.
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by OutWest View Post
Well, I guess that I'd be more worried about how you would feel. I think Bentley will be just fine--his life revolves around you, your DH, and Ky. if you feel up to it, do it. Or give it a little while longer.
I agree. FWIW, my sister passed away 11/14 at the nursing home where she lived. My Homemakers Club "adopted" the nursing home and we make favors/gifts for holidays. When I delivered the Christmas favors in Dec. I wasn't expecting the wave of sadness when passing my sister's room which was right across from the elevator. I just want to say, be ready. (hugs)

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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 09:04 AM
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Wow, that's a tough one, Joyce. I agree that I'd be more worried about you. But I'm sure the people at the nursing home would like to see Bentley.

In the absence of picking up on your feelings, Bentley would sniff around for her a bit, then kind of shrug his shoulders and think, "Oh, well, she's not here, I wonder where she is?" and then move on to his next friend. But he's going to pick up on your feelings, and if you are feeling grief and sadness, Bentley will be confused, worried and sad, himself. I think your feelings are going to be a bigger problem for him than the fact that his friend isn't there.

So, I don't know. I guess it depends if you are ready to go, imo.
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 09:08 AM
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Man, i would not want to go to that room ,this soon, is there a room in which people go to , so they can be with others?

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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 09:12 AM
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I agree that Bentley will be fine because he has so much love and stability in his home. Maybe visit the others rooms first to help you keep your composure and visit her room on the way out. Do what you think is best for you.


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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 01-13-2013, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you. I'm not sure I can walk back in there quite yet. This AM I took Bentley to join the mall walkers, he loved it. Technically you're not supposed to take dogs in there but I didn't know that until we were leaving. Of course none of the walkers mentioned it to me because they loved having him

He was the class clown, having so much fun! He would pick someone to walk with for a bit then find someone else. He adjusted his gait to theirs. If that person was power walking he kept pace if the person was using a walker he walked slow.
I would love to make that a daily event. I wonder if I put a head scarf on him he could pass for a regular walker
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