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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 01:34 AM Thread Starter
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Standing up to family

I don't usually get into personal issues, but I need to vent.

So for the past year and a half I have been providing child care for my aunts twins and my sisters son. This is my main income. My aunt was struggling and her kids were kicked out of daycare because she wouldn't pay. She knows I love kids so asked me if I could keep them and how much I would charge. I asked much less than her day care charged, but I was ok with that because it allowed me to stay home with Lily, and I also didn't want my aunt getting her 80 year old parents (my grand parents) to watch the kids like she had been since they were kicked out of daycare.

A few months ago she asked me if she could just not bring the kids on some days to save more money. She used to pay me anyway on the days they didn't come, just like she would a daycare. I said that was fine, I didn't feel right getting paid on days I didn't watch the kids. Well, she took complete advantage of that and just wouldn't bring them several days a week. Wouldn't even give me the courtesy of a call to let me know she wasn't bringing them. I put up with this for 3 months. She would cut me back sometimes $90 a week. And she never paid me on time anyway or would cut me short and ask me if she could just pay me the rest the following week. Would also pick the kids up at 7 although she got off of work at 5:30. I finally stood up to her tonight and told her I needed to rely on a certain amount of money or I couldn't watch the kids anymore. She texted me and just said "ok! Just give me a week and i'll find a daycare."

I am so hurt by this. This women is the WORST mother I've ever seen. She hardly ever brings her kids food so I have to pay for their food most of the time. She doesn't bring shoes for them to play outside, and half the time just brings them in their pjs. I have done so much for these kids, and love them like they're my own. She doesn't give them the time of day. It hurts that I get treated like this, but it hurts more to know that these kids will be taken from me, the only real mother figure they know, simply because she knows she can't take advantage of me anymore.

I would have loved to keep them despite the way she treats me, but I simply can't afford to take care of my own responsibilities the way she's cut me back. I'm going to look for another job this weekend. Please send me some good thoughts! I don't know what to do.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 01:39 AM
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Providing a service for family members is really hard. I'm sorry it has been unpleasant, and I'm sorry for the kids too. But maybe they will have more consistent routine if she has to pay even they don't go, maybe she will take them.

If you like babysitting children, maybe you could post at churches or schools that you have space available and keep other children. A professional relationship with the parents should ensure you are paid your stipulated fee on time.

Or, see if you like working at a day care. Very different but if you like children maybe a good choice.

"To my mind, I hold that the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man."
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 02:03 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by mylissyk View Post
Providing a service for family members is really hard. I'm sorry it has been unpleasant, and I'm sorry for the kids too. But maybe they will have more consistent routine if she has to pay even they don't go, maybe she will take them.

If you like babysitting children, maybe you could post at churches or schools that you have space available and keep other children. A professional relationship with the parents should ensure you are paid your stipulated fee on time.

Or, see if you like working at a day care. Very different but if you like children maybe a good choice.
Thanks for the great advice! I was thinking of posting on care.com, but never thought of posting at schools and churches. I think I would do well working in a daycare. I'm going to also put in applications at pet stores. I'm going to take a course in therapy dog training this summer and hope to make a career out of that.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by mylissyk View Post
If you like babysitting children, maybe you could post at churches or schools that you have space available and keep other children. A professional relationship with the parents should ensure you are paid your stipulated fee on time.

Or, see if you like working at a day care. Very different but if you like children maybe a good choice.
I understand how you feel - I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. But I think these ^^^^ are all great ideas!

Several friends of mine used child care on a more individual level. They all lament finding someone to spend "one on one" quality learning time with their children (i.e. someone who doesn't spend their time texting, facebooking, etc). They are looking for caring adults who want to interact and have fun - like they would if they were at home.

I also have a few friends who need/want adults to run carpool because their work schedules conflict and their kids either can't ride the bus or they are "too young" to be home alone for a few hours pre/post work.

One caution though, you might need to look into getting licensed with DHR if you begin advertising or even through word of mouth. One friend kept several children in her home and was eventually discovered by the DHR. Ultimately, she just needed to complete some courses the county offered and stay up to date on her CPR training, etc - she wasn't trying to get around anything, but she just didn't know. For what it's worth, she favored teacher's kids because of having summers and other holidays off with her family.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-04-2013, 04:34 AM
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In my area, parents are desperate for someone that sounds like you and they pay very well! But you must be licensed so I would check with your state and see what they require, but watching children can be a fun and loving experience for those inclined.

Anything done with family can be an "iffy" thing. I am glad this has opened new doors for you to consider.

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
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I'm going to try to stick this out til the kids go to school. They start kindergarten next year. I talked to my aunt and when she realized I wasn't backing down when I told her I needed a set amount of money, she pretended she didn't understand what I meant to begin with and then agreed to pay me right. I'll see how it goes.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by hubbub View Post
I understand how you feel - I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. But I think these ^^^^ are all great ideas!

Several friends of mine used child care on a more individual level. They all lament finding someone to spend "one on one" quality learning time with their children (i.e. someone who doesn't spend their time texting, facebooking, etc). They are looking for caring adults who want to interact and have fun - like they would if they were at home.

I also have a few friends who need/want adults to run carpool because their work schedules conflict and their kids either can't ride the bus or they are "too young" to be home alone for a few hours pre/post work.

One caution though, you might need to look into getting licensed with DHR if you begin advertising or even through word of mouth. One friend kept several children in her home and was eventually discovered by the DHR. Ultimately, she just needed to complete some courses the county offered and stay up to date on her CPR training, etc - she wasn't trying to get around anything, but she just didn't know. For what it's worth, she favored teacher's kids because of having summers and other holidays off with her family.
I do want to get licensed. I would like to work with other children in the future. I know CPR, but am not certified.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 12:01 AM Thread Starter
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In my area, parents are desperate for someone that sounds like you and they pay very well! But you must be licensed so I would check with your state and see what they require, but watching children can be a fun and loving experience for those inclined.

Anything done with family can be an "iffy" thing. I am glad this has opened new doors for you to consider.
I absolutely love taking care of children and babies! It is fun and rewarding. I've been doing it since I was 13. Almost half my life.
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