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Old 01-02-2013, 08:05 PM
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Need unbiased advice

I need your advice, guys...

My older brother and I have always been close. This year, for Christmas, his new girlfriend came to spend Christmas with us...they had only been dating for 4 months and she was leaving her 2 young children in Minnesota to spend Christmas with us, who she had never met. She insisted on meeting us, which I felt was strange, but, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because my brother told me "she's a nice mid western girl" and he mentioned that I have 100% accuracy in judging his past exes. She stayed for 4 days, and in those 4 days, she never missed an opportunity to call out my very sensitive brother on his age (he is turning 40 this year and she is 27), she is in vet school (they met when my brother, a vet for APHIS, was teaching a class to vet students at Plum Island) and kept mentioning how my brother is not a "real vet" and how when he took the boards, they were much easier than when she took hers. She told my mom that the vet that treats Abby and my brother are both incompetent because the rash on Abby's belly is not flea bites like they both said, but dermatitis...she knows because she had a great dermatology rotation (which, BTW, after they left that day, I pulled 6 fleas off of Abby's belly where new flea bites had formed) She also used profanity freely around my mother...I admit, I use naughty language, too, but I have way too much respect to use foul language in front of my mom, or my husband's family. She was all over my brother every second she got...quite a few times I saw her put her hand on his inner thigh, half an inch from his genitals. This made my dad so uncomfortable that he asked me to talk them out of coming over early the day they left to say good bye to my dad before he left for work. She also followed my mom around and pestered her about Abby being fat...we all mention it to her, but this girl felt the need to pester my mom non-stop. My mom is a very patient person, but she told me that she wanted to tell the girl to sit down and mind her own business. Finally, this girl made many comments about how superior she was to "normal people" because she was in vet school.

The advice I need is as follows: When I got home from Christmas, I wrote a detailed e-mail to my brother outlining, nicely, how concerning her behavior was. I didn't send it, but saved it. Part of me wants to send it so he can be made aware of how she behaves without looking at her with love colored glasses, but I am nervous that this e-mail will make him mad at me. My husband says send it, but he is kind of uncomfortable with how close my brother and I am, so he may be trying to get rid of the competition. My mom says don't, but she walks on egg shells to make my brother happy and may just be trying to shield him from unpleasantness. What should I do?
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:10 PM
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That's a tough one. He did say you have 100% accuracy so maybe he would want to know.
Personally, I have 2 brothers and I have never, ever told them my opinion of their GF's or wives. It's just too risky even though we're close.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:13 PM
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Do not send it!!


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Old 01-02-2013, 08:13 PM
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If it were me, I would not send a letter I would just pray that his eyes be opened to see her for what she truly is. But that's just me. You should do what you think is best


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Old 01-02-2013, 08:16 PM
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Not an easy call. I'm with Joyce, I don't interfere with my siblings or my children's relationships. If they come to me then that's a different story! I guess it would depend on the kind of relationship you and your brother have. If he's that smitten though he may pull away from you all because he doesn't think you like his GF...Sorry I know this isn't any help...IDK what the "right" thing to do would in your situation....
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:22 PM
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Don't send it. I think it would end up with him being defensive and angry at you...they haven't been together long, he'll work out soon enough that what she's doing isn't right...it's not worth the fight in my opinion


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Old 01-02-2013, 08:23 PM
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Thanks for the input...I wouldn't normally get involved, but this girl is a train wreck in comparison to the others...like when a character on a TV show spirals downward and show up to dinner with this awful train wreck of a person and says "This is Starla" (not her name, BTW, just a Simpson reference)
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:28 PM
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I would do absolutely anything for my brothers except interfere in their love lives. If they brought Attila the hun over I would just smile and say, "Bless her heart"... and trust me over the years a couple were close
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:38 PM
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this is a tough call. Speaking from personal experience I have had my relationship mocked and been told how 'wrong' someone was for me from within my immediate family. It was very hurtful, however despite ignoring feelings my family was right about my boyfriend. I think that it depends on how you approach the situation. I would maybe call him and see if you can talk instead of sending an e-mail.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:58 PM
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I'd stay out of it
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