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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-02-2013, 10:21 PM
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I'm with La Princessa. If he asks what you thought, you have been invited to share your thoughts. Start off with something like "I'll never bring this up again (and don't), but I had a couple concerns. " Then mention the most obvious ones such as her language in front of your mom--the ones that he really should have noticed and cared about, etc. Make it short, then change the subject. Tell him you love him and you will be welcoming to the woman he loves.

If I read this woman's personality correctly, she was visiting and evaluating his family. She undoubtedly found plenty to look down her nose at since she's "superior" (LOL), and I suspect she's filling his ears with all sorts of stuff right about now. He will probably figure her out pretty darn quick.

But don't send a detailed email. He won't thank you for it. And if and when he breaks up with her, don't tell him then that you thought she was a horse's patootie. Even thouh she really does sound like one! Sheesh.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-03-2013, 12:06 AM
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Thank you for the advice. I won't send the e-mail...I just keep hoping I'll get an e-mail from him saying "lol, j/k...it was all a joke...she's really a kind, sweet girl, who has class" but, I've been waiting for that a week and counting.

Another sub question...this past week, my brother was kind of a jerk as well...he never says a cross word to me normally, but this trip, he lashed out at me and criticized me constantly...I love my brother and miss him dearly, but I left 2 hours early to go back home to get away from him/them. He was also kind of a jerk to my mom. She offered to wash his laundry while he was home and he said he would drop his clothes off in the morning for her to wash. She held off washing clothes so she could wash his, too...he never showed up so my mom called him...he just said "oh, we decided to go to Columbus...you can wash our clothes tomorrow before you take us to the airport..." My brother NEVER treats our mom like that...anyways, we were both too shocked to address this behavior at the time, but, is there something I can do to let him know that this treatment of us will not be accepted?
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:20 AM
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Ya I agree with what everyone else has said...

Chances are that if they've only been together for 4 months he will eventually see the light. Although, I think if he asked you what you thought of her you could give your opinion and concerns in a nice way, but I guess it just depends on your relationship with him. I wouldn't send the email though, I'd wait it out and see what happens.

It sounds like he has a great sister who loves him very much!
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maggiesmommy View Post
Another sub question...this past week, my brother was kind of a jerk as well...he never says a cross word to me normally, but this trip, he lashed out at me and criticized me constantly...I love my brother and miss him dearly, but I left 2 hours early to go back home to get away from him/them. He was also kind of a jerk to my mom. She offered to wash his laundry while he was home and he said he would drop his clothes off in the morning for her to wash. She held off washing clothes so she could wash his, too...he never showed up so my mom called him...he just said "oh, we decided to go to Columbus...you can wash our clothes tomorrow before you take us to the airport..." My brother NEVER treats our mom like that...anyways, we were both too shocked to address this behavior at the time, but, is there something I can do to let him know that this treatment of us will not be accepted?
Now that's a whole other issue...I do think that if you feel comfortable you should tell him how his behavior made you feel and that it will not be accepted in the future.

It's probable that the girlfriends behavior is rubbing off on him, or he's generally unhappy, maybe because of her, but he's not really aware of where these feelings are coming from. I would be a little angry too in general if my significant other was making me feel like I wasn't good enough, even though I was successful in my career. I think one day soon he will realize that things aren't like they usually are for him...
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:41 AM
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IMHO - anything you say to him now will put him on defensive and will direct the conversation towards the GF which I believe will just turn nasty.

IMHO - the next time he comes over you simply need to point out to him his behavior with - "since when are we allowed to talk/treat mother like this?" "How would you like for me to keep you waiting for days to wash the clothes?"

My brother's first wife was like that. I bit my tongue towards her but pointed out my brothers behavior to him to the point that I told him that if he wanted a maid to go get a room at a hotel. He could come back when he grew up. Needless to say - she was his first wife who ditched him and their daughter after only 4 years, for some modeling career in Italy. She was drop dead gorgeous on the outside but completely hideous on the inside. They were both physicists, same career but she quit on everything. After a kid and some age she never made it in her idiotic modeling dreams and aspirations.
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:07 AM
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Originally Posted by BajaOklahoma View Post
My middle child was engaged to the "Blair Witch." I am determined to like whomever they marry, but confess to doing the happy dance when he broke it off.

While he may say that he wants your input, he has not followed up with a call or email asking for it.
If he does, you have two choices. Be evasive or be honest. Just say that it must have been stressful for her to meet all of you before you say anything critical.
That was my ex-daughter-in-law! So sorry you had to meet her!
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maggiesmommy View Post
Thank you for the advice. I won't send the e-mail...I just keep hoping I'll get an e-mail from him saying "lol, j/k...it was all a joke...she's really a kind, sweet girl, who has class" but, I've been waiting for that a week and counting.

Another sub question...this past week, my brother was kind of a jerk as well...he never says a cross word to me normally, but this trip, he lashed out at me and criticized me constantly...I love my brother and miss him dearly, but I left 2 hours early to go back home to get away from him/them. He was also kind of a jerk to my mom. She offered to wash his laundry while he was home and he said he would drop his clothes off in the morning for her to wash. She held off washing clothes so she could wash his, too...he never showed up so my mom called him...he just said "oh, we decided to go to Columbus...you can wash our clothes tomorrow before you take us to the airport..." My brother NEVER treats our mom like that...anyways, we were both too shocked to address this behavior at the time, but, is there something I can do to let him know that this treatment of us will not be accepted?
I think your mom needs to lay the smack down on him about this behavior!
I'd be telling him to do his own flippin laundry from now on.
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Old 01-03-2013, 06:54 AM
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I agree with everyone, do not send the email...I'd just wait and see what happens with them. If your brother is the man you think he is, one day he will wake up.
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:09 AM
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Don't send it!
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:14 AM
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I have a different opinion actually. I think that you should send the email, but instead of just saying that you didn't like her, focus on what went wrong with the visit. Don't say "I don't think she's right for you because of blah blah blah." Instead, say "I love you very much and we love to get to know those who are so important to you, but I want to let you know that we had some problems with the visit. I want to let you know this so that you can consider these problems so that the next visit can be more successful." Then detail the problems you had specifically with the visit.

I know that "stay out of it" is safe advice, but if I brought a new boyfriend home and it went over terribly, I would want someone to tell me. I wouldn't want them to just tell me to dump him, but I'd want to know why the visit went badly and what specifically was a problem.
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