Alot of you know my Mom passed away in August. I am a nurse in the hospital she died in. It is so hard to walk in there every shift I work, brings back so many bad memories. I had to work on her first Bday without us, and had to work Thanksgiving. I got in the elevator, there was an employee in there and asked me what floor I was going to, I told her. As I was looking in my bag for my locker key, another employee got in the elevator and asked for the 4th floor. That was the floor my Mom died on, I knew that voice, I looked up and it was the nurse that was taking care of my Mom the night she started her journey to Heaven. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach, I was about to start crying, but kept it together some how.

I am sorry things are so difficult for you. Losing your mom is hard enough in itself. But to have to continue to walk in and out of the hospital where she spent her last hours has to be devastating. Nursing has its own demands and stressors, as you know. It is really hard to put aside our personal feelings and issues to care for those who need us.
I hope and pray you will be able to somehow "do your work" in memory of your mom. Hopefully you can help give someone some good memories during their stay. Knowing as you do how important compassion is.
If things get worse for you I encourage you to consider-grief counseling. You KNOW you would recommend it for your patient/families. Nurses aren't super heroes. We hurt and cry and grieve like everyone else. Well, no that isn't true.... Sometimes we hold ourselves above things like that and do not allow for ourselves the very thing we need.
I will be saying prayers and sending you all my best wishes for comfort and peace.
❤Dale

Thanks, Im a pediatric nurse and since my Mom's death, I have been thinking of becoming a Hospice nurse. She fought Cancer for almost 10 years for us! Just wish she would have been on the oncology floor instead of the floor that she was transferred to from the ICU. Her nurse on the floor asked us why she had such a huge abdominal dressing. She had NO IDEA that my Mom had emergency surgery because of her colon cancer and thats why she was so sick/septic/dying!!

I am really sorry that you are going through it.

Could you speak and somebody at the hosptial to see if you could be relocated temporaly? Just to be able to get some "fresh air" for a while.

A big big hug and all my wishes that you can find peace

Losing your Mother is about the hardest thing we ever go though. My thoughts and prayers are with you and let the grieving process complete. We go on, but knowing she is in our hearts, helps so much. Just so darn hard.

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I am so sorry. That has to be so difficult, my heart breaks for you.

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Misty & Gemma Misty and Holly
Sandy and Riley...miss you girlies

Daddysgirl

I am so very sorry-I can feel your pain.
I lost my Mother on November 30, 2005 and Dad on May 10, 2006.
What I've found is that Holidays are never the same, BUT I know Mom and Dad would want me to be happy.
Couldn't help but think that maybe your Mom was letting you know she is o.k. by her nurse being in the elevator!
I'm here if you ever want to talk.

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[IMG]http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii215

Tonka & Tucker

SNOBEAR at the Bridge
Dec. 23, 1999-March 27, 2010


SMOOCH at the Bridge.
Feb. 14, 1999-Dec. 7, 2010

I was an oncology nurse for 12 years, now retired. It was one of the most rewarding times of my life. Palliative and hospice care has my heart. Personal experience brings a new level of understanding and compassion to our patients and their families. It is a HARD time as you know first hand. If you seriously want to change your direction wait for at least a year. Consider grief counseling. Any patient, would be fortunate to have you as their nurse and advocate.
I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Dale

Holidays are the worst time. I had to leave a store one day because of the music they were playing. My sister broke down over a display of M&M"s - my father's favorite candy.

You're not alone. Even though it seems like you are, there are a lot of us walking this road, and the best thing you're doing is reaching out to us.

I got a book after my mom died called The Angel Catcher, which is basically a journal with pages for memories, pictures, etc. It helped me a lot.

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Having worked in Oncology, I agree with everything Dale said. My nephew is in charge of Hospice in a large VA Hospital. It takes a very special person to do that.

You are still working through your grief and anger over losing your mother. There is no time table for coping with your grief - it is different with each person. Three months is very recent and now you have to deal with the Holidays.
My father was dianosed with renal cell cancer and given two weeks to live. It was in every bone and had engulfed both kidneys by the time he finally went to the doctor. fortunately he had a third kidney that kept him alive for 9 months. He didn't qualify for chemo trials. He had a great 7 months of doing things he wanted to do, even traveling. By the time he died, it was a blessing because he was in a coma.

Until you can walk in the hospital and be glad she received wonderful care there or see the nurse who took care of her and your thought is she helped your mom so much, you aren't ready for Hospice. You can't help others until you are through the grieving process.