Originally Posted by the S team

Thank you all for the well wishes and prayers. Perhaps it is the cumulative effect of chemo. He just had his 4th round of what is supposed to be 6 treatments (spaced apart every 4 weeks).

For those of you who have gone through this, how did you manage to stay in the moment and not get so stressed out and beyond worried with every change? Sometimes I find myself just staring at him wondering if his breathing is worse or better, analyzing the amount of food we get in him each day, questioning if we should do this or that or not this or that.

Originally Posted by the S team

Small recap: Scout was diagnosed in October with mast cell tumor cancer, stage 2, high grade. He had surgery and they did not get clean margins. Started chemo, vet gave 6 month prognosis.

For the most part, he's been doing quite well...surprisingly well. He's my heart dog and every day and practically every moment he is on my mind.

Last week he started to slow down noticeably. He had a round of chemo and is usually puny during it but its like he didn't bounce back like usual. Picky about foods but will eat if hand fed and certain items. Breathing seems a bit labored at times but other times more ok.

Now this weekend he won't hang out with us in the family room. Usually he is glued to my side. He's found a spot in the kitchen to sleep. He also won't get up on any furniture (which we fully allow). The weather was unseasonably nice on Friday so we were horsing around with his sister, Sara, on the property and he'd just lay on the deck. Now tonight it's like he's staring at me but not seeing me but then he'll snap out of it.

I'm wigging out about all of it. But he is still eating, walking, going potty, wagging tail and responding to us.. All things the vet said are the biggies to worry about.

I honestly don't know how to handle this. These are the little signs of the reality of the situation and they bring me to my knees. I don't know how in the world I will manage what's coming...no matter when it happens.

He is my heart and soul. My best friend. My confidant. My little trooper. My biggest cheerleader, the best listener. He's brought me more joy and taught me so much and is the most special being that I've ever known. In his day he was a TDI hospice therapy dog and touched so many in their final hours and now he is stricken at 9 with the exact illness so many of his hospice friends had .

It's horrible. I so hope he's just 'off' a bit and will rally...but even if he does, it's still looming. So, so, so hard.

Here we are pictured in happier times. I try so much to live in the moment and enjoy what we have. Easier said than done right now.

Please pray for us, or send good vibes if praying isn't your thing.

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Originally Posted by the S team

Hubbub, thanks for your empathy and sound advice. I try that, too...sometimes more successfully than others.

Originally Posted by the S team

...Maybe this is selfish but I have found over the weeks that I can feed my sadness and obsessive worry when I read the cancer and rainbow bridge threads. But on the other hand, I feel like this place is full of the only people I know who get it. I feel badly for not being able to provide others with the same support given to me...but hope i can do so in time. It's kind of a Double edged sword...